"Live and let live." ~ Unknown
So there I was sitting in front of the Zoom meeting when it happened. The overwhelming grief hit me like a freight train. And no matter how much emotional training I tried to deepen or self-help tricks I tried to muster, nothing could stop the train at that moment.
The emotions flooded me, forcing me to stop and collapse with the simple, simple, beautiful and powerful truth: I miss my boyfriend.
I had been so busy in this new Covid world collecting pictures of her for her obituary, corresponding with her family about who would speak and what would be said. Emailing the person who graciously drafted the obituary and monitoring whether the oldest members of their family even knew what a Zoom meeting was, let alone the equipment and technological know-how to attend.
Everything was done by email and text and sometimes by phone. I don't think I knew how much this kept me apart and busy.
A brief tug-of-war occurred when one of my friend's other good friends mentioned how an older aunt, a pastor of a local parish church, decided that it would be tasteless to mention that my friend was a Buddhist.
Although she grew up in a Christian home and family, she has practiced Buddhism for the past thirty years.
"Just don't mention that part," she said.
I was almost offended.
"But she was a Buddhist," I burst into the phone.
"Yes … but … her family is not. And her aunt doesn't think it's a good idea to bring her up."
I felt my face get hot. I had spent some time looking around to see if I could get a Buddhist monk to say a few prayers for my friend as we celebrated her journey in her next life. Then it took some time to find someone who knew how to work Zoom.
A friendly monk in Brooklyn had agreed to do so. He also mentioned that they would pray daily prayers for the deceased for the next month or so and that he might include my friend.
"No, only the service will be fine," I replied, mentally checking this from my to-do list. I did not want to create the altar required to participate.
Not that I really wanted to do that – all this planning – but her family was so overwhelmed by my friend's sudden death that they asked me and her other food friend to do it.
I had never done anything like this before, but of course I just felt that I had to do it. That would be my girlfriend – roll up your sleeves and get it done. She was extremely strong-willed, and that was a quality I admired.
I remember that we went on a trip abroad to Indonesia. They had just had a volcanic eruption just before it was our time to come. I was concerned about my friend's ability to navigate in such circumstances (as her health was gradually affecting her ability to walk) and half-heartedly suggested checking the company's flight insurance to make a new appointment. But she just laughed at it.
“We're still going. I'm so excited, I've never been! We have to have faith, T, ”she said. “Believe everything will be fine and it will be. No matter what. "
Ah, I smiled to myself. Naturally.
Even if one is so committed to the spiritual path and believes in what we can not yet see, the game "We create our own reality" in the face of incurable diseases and natural disasters can sometimes look the furthest from removed the truth. Yet she announced it in the face of both.
I was reassured that day and immediately looked at The Secret to consolidate this reassurance.
And that's what I loved about my boyfriend. At one point in my spiritual journey I thought it was only the two of us who talked like that and believed like that. Of course, when I traveled to Facebook spiritual groups, I happily learned that this is not true. But I could talk to my boyfriend about anything.
She was older than me and had seen so much in life. When I met her eight years ago, I felt like I hit the spiritual jackpot! She had so much wisdom and I was always so ready to soak it up.
For example, she was one of the first people in the world to go to a meeting with Abraham Hicks before they became known, and she told at length the power she felt in the room that day when we discussed it whether Abraham's teachings were "real" or not.
She taught me to meditate and sing. She taught me that you can't change what you don't acknowledge. She taught me that it was important to "walk the path" every day. Even when this walk became more and more of a struggle for her.
All of this came back to me when I was on the phone with her friend. Really, I spoke to this super religious aunt. Who did she think she was anyway? It wasn't about her or me or any of us! Don't these people know what a festival of life is?
"Well, she (the aunt) doesn't want God to take anything away", her friend sighed.
"But God doesn't take anything away," I replied. "It's all God. It's just a different point of view! And it was very important to her! She got up at 4:30 a.m. every day for thirty years to sing! That was her!"
My friend's friend collected her words carefully and deliberately. "Well … she asked me to be of service to her, and she didn't give me any specific instructions on what to do."
At that moment I came out. I muted the phone and took a deep breath and then muted it. "You're right," I said. “She asked you. I will ask the monk not to come. You should do what you think is best. "
The feeling of relief from the other side of the phone was palpable and my friend's boyfriend immediately became more of a chipper. "Great! Okay, then I'll work on the program and get back to you!" She said.
After we hung up, I sat in silence. I thought I was fighting for my friend and doing an impromptu religious showdown. And I was ready to roll up my sleeves and go into town. But why? Would it even be important to press this point now? Especially with people who were completely in their own way. Especially with a topic as complicated as religion.
What did I want to prove? My friend wasn't like that. She lived and let live. Maybe part of me was still fighting to be seen. Our travels were so parallel, but I thought I had long stopped caring about what religious people were thinking.
I realized why the universe made the monk mention the month of prayers for the dead; I knew I would kindly add my friend to this list.
For the ceremony, I made a cute video homage to our time in Indonesia, alluding to the spiritual, culture loving, and exploring person who was my friend. This was the moment that clogged me up during the service (and some others too). I miss my friend.
I missed being seen, heard and understood. I miss an ally and someone to whom I did not have to explain my spiritual journey. I thought it was important for me to stand up to this aunt because I was too.
I have always said that I don't care what people practice if it's done with love, if you invite me I will come. It's all really God, so now I can "walk the path" in real time. Live and let live.
Perhaps I honored my friend and most honored what we both learned on our physical journey together when I let go and let others remember my friend.
About Tinesha Renee & # 39;
Tinesha Renee & # 39; is a certified practitioner for medical intuition systems and healer for transformative energy. She works with people from all walks of life to remove spiritual, mental, emotional and energetic blockages so that they can live their best life! As she healed herself and changed her life and then helped heal other people and change their lives, she realized how important healing is to each of us! Get free energy healing here: www.LifeUnBlocka.com/freehealing
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