“Presence is far more complicated and rewards an art than productivity. Our culture measures our worth as human beings by our efficiency, our income and our ability to do this or that. The cult of productivity has its place, but daily worship at its altar robs us of the joy and wonder that make life worth living. "~ Maria Popova
I was very productive. I had one full-time job, two part-time jobs, and a sideline. I've done everything. Sounds perfect right?
Then I started to hate my life.
I had read enough books and articles to tell myself that I was not doing enough. Enough self-help gurus had told me that I had to get the most out of every hour to be "successful".
My employees were often intimidated by my jam-packed calendar. I'm not exaggerating when I say that every minute of my life was planned. Sheldon level planned, with special "bathroom breaks" and everything.
I made three to-do lists: daily, weekly, monthly. This was my way of achieving maximum efficiency. I said “yes” to my boss so often that I became his favorite. Work-life balance, what is it?
Tasks flew off my list like never before – so many horizontal breakthroughs! I wore this for a while as my badge of honor, this art of getting it all done. And why not? I was rewarded with money, praise, promotions, and awe for this.
But then it didn't feel so good. Instead, I became downright miserable.
Why bustle is an illusion
I'm not saying that productivity is bad. Getting work done by minimizing distractions and getting deep focus is really worthwhile.
However, it is important to stop and ask yourself why you are doing what you are doing. It is necessary to pause and reflect on the value of your tasks and actions. Otherwise productivity leads to useless busyness.
When I became this productivity freak, I never stopped wondering if any of the things I did gave my life meaning. I did a demanding full-time job that served me no purpose. My days became a blur of meaningless task fulfillment. My mind, heart and soul were missing from my work. Every Monday looked no different from a Tuesday three weeks ago.
And it wasn't even like I was happy.
I met all of my deadlines, but I did not spend time with my family. There were enough awards to prove all of my accomplishments, but not enough art to fill my soul. I answered every email I received within twenty-four hours, but I barely focused on long-term self-growth.
Outwardly, my life has never looked better. But inside I was worse than ever. Distraction, schedules, irritability, and deadlines were the monsters that ruled my life.
After a month of burnout, I hit the problematic nail in my head. I knew I had to keep going. But how? I decided to take a calculated leap in faith. I found a client willing to pay me for my freelance services for at least two to three months and made a big emergency fund by cutting costs. Then I quit the unfulfilled full-time job and gave my heart to the work I really made sense of. I stopped making productivity my goal. I chose presence instead.
Presence> Productivity
I read Annie Dillard's "The Writing Life" in which she memorably wrote: "How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives."
After reading this book, I realized that productivity would only be fruitful in connection with presence. I knew then that presence would make my rewards meaningful.
What is presence? Presence is the art of being in the moment, the luxury of pause, the virtue of silence. It is alert, conscious, and alive until this moment.
There is a reason why our culture relies on productivity rather than presence. Productivity helps us stay away from reality. It keeps us "busy" in a future that is not yet manifesting.
It is so much easier and more convenient to pull the protective shield of productivity against the beautiful, vivid and sometimes annoyingly painful present.
Performing one task at a time gives us an excuse for not living fully, not concentrating fully, and not accepting with an open mind.
I used to be like this – I tried to avoid the truth, that I didn't think my work made sense. I wouldn't accept that this job was slowly draining me and living in denial of a reality that I lived in. Haven't i done things? I was more than ever. But was I happy? I've never been so dissatisfied with my own decisions.
Being productive every minute of every day meant that I could avoid many of my friendships from being exhausted, toxic, and unhealthy. I lied to myself that it is all to have a good social life. In reality, I would do everything I can not to be alone and to answer the big questions of my life that can only be answered in solitude.
The connection of our actions with productivity and presence, however, can have amazing effects on our lives. It can advance any task we do with intent, purpose, and meaning. Presence is what helps us reap the internal rewards that come with doing the job.
Select presence
If you're anything like me, choosing presence versus productivity can take some practice. Productivity was my normal way of working. It was easy; it came naturally. However, the decision to have presence in my actions was not that easy.
The art of being present and intentional in all of my tasks was like writing with my non-dominant left hand. I looked for help and came across Tim Ferris. He often says to think of your epitaph to remove the noise and maze of productivity. That way, you can find out what is really important to you by getting a zoomed out version of your life.
As pathological as it sounds, I did that. I imagined what I would like to carve on my epitaph, and the important thing came into a laser-sharp focus:
I had to write. I had to take time for loneliness, for chance, for hobbies. I wanted to create more memories with my family. I wanted to let go of friendships and put all my energy into relationships that filled me with fulfillment, meaning, and growth. Step by step I decided to hand in my resignation. I landed my first writing gig in less than two weeks.
And hey, it's not like I don't have to write with my left hand anymore. But I am growing every day. It takes practice and effort to make space on your calendar to be "present". I learn to feel uncomfortable by turning down the volume for “getting things done”.
I noticed that it is the small changes that count. It takes a little longer to carefully compose this email. It's the bold no to a project that can help you beat your quarterly KPIs but cut your family time off. It is decided to take a calming 15-minute break from walking to check off another pointless to-do list.
Presence is a process. The discipline needs to focus on the present moment when productivity is pushing you to see a non-existent future. Presence is your vacant existence of completely unadulterated joy. It is the cradle of your creativity. It is your time to be simple.
So do it. Make the tough choice. Live your life with presence to help you find joy in the now rather than pushing for a goal in the future. Neither of us really knows where the future will take us, but we can all choose to enjoy the scenery along the way.
About Rochi Zalani
Rochi works for Elite Content Marketer and enjoys fresh poetry. She talks about books, poetry and the problems of everyday life on her website. If you believe there is nothing that cannot be cured by Mary Oliver poetry or an F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode, subscribe to her weekly newsletter.
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