“You just never know what someone is doing behind closed doors. No matter how happy someone looks, how loud their laugh is, how big their smile is, there can still be an indescribable level of hurt. So be nice. Even if others aren't, choose to be kind. "~ Andrea Russett
Everyone does the best he can. If they can do better, they will.
"I disagree," you say. "I see people who don't always do their best!"
Before 2006, I had a lot of complaints about the world and the people around me, including my parents, friends and colleagues. I felt that nobody cared. Or at least it wasn't important enough to do better. People seemed to be doing what was absolutely necessary to get through, or just what directly benefited them. They didn't care how they influenced others. You certainly didn't care about me.
I had problems with my family that I couldn't understand, how my parents treated me, how they communicated or were absent, and how they were never there for me. Everything I experienced in my family seemed to be the direct opposite of how parents love their children.
Outside of my own family dynamics, I saw others with a variety of their own family problems. From financial struggles, household chores to resentment and neglect to abuse.
My view of humanity and my hopes to find happiness were dark and pessimistic.
I went to therapy, attended workshops, tried self-help groups, but nothing really answered the burning question I had in mind: "Why do people keep behaving the way they do when they can change? WHY? ”
Then in 2006 I took part in a three-day workshop given by the late Dr. Lee Gibson was hosted. It changed my perspective forever.
Lee, as we all affectionately called him, was a brilliant behavioral psychologist who taught on a spiritual and energetic basis. It was my first experience of seeing everything from a holistic perspective and I was hungry for more. I still practice all of his teachings today.
Among all the Leeisms that he shared, it was the insight: “Everyone does the best he can. If they can do better, they will. “That triggered a lightbulb in my head. It would free me from an emotional trap that I had created for myself.
I admit, it took me some time to fully grasp and accept this perspective. I wouldn't let everyone off the hook so easily. Every moment that I was hurt, ignored, and betrayed flashed before me. What about my loveless parents, my condescending boss, or my selfish friend? Why should I give them the benefit of the doubt?
Then the thought occurred to me that I was doing my best at the moment, but still feeling sad, angry and not feeling good enough in many areas of my life. Not because I didn't try or didn't want to get better, but because I didn't always know exactly the right things to say or do every step of the way. I have been confused and insecure for a long time, bombarded by my own emotional past. And as far as I knew, I had never chosen a lesser option if I knew there was a better way. It turned out that I was the first person I needed to take advantage of the doubt.
* do this.
Life events are arbitrary and most of us cannot practice each scenario over and over until we understand it correctly (like in the film Groundhog Day). We are often able to respond to anything unexpectedly thrown at us. All we have to do is what we learned at a young age from our guardians or mentors. Even if we suspect that these were not the best ways, we are still not sure which ways are the best.
It was like taking a weight off my body. My mind felt more open and I started a kind of social experiment by slowing down, watching people react in different situations from an outsider's point of view, and freeing myself from taking things personally.
As I positioned myself in a place of compassion and objectivity, I became less reactive to other people's reactions. Everyone's knowledge is doing the best they can but cannot help themselves. It gave me a sense of power – a power to break away from their personal struggles and continue to focus on my own strength.
Shortly after this change of perspective, my relationship dynamics began to change. The people around me gradually put down their arms and began to relax and open up to their inner struggles. They even began to be interested in how I was feeling and express remorse about how they behaved in situations. It was amazing!
I am not going to lie when I say that all of my relationships have flourished. Some of them stayed the same or faded away while others were brought closer than ever because of my newfound perspective.
For me the biggest result was knowing that the few relationships that couldn't develop were not due to my harsh judgmental attitude: "Why wouldn't you try to get better?" And that was a new level of emotional freedom.
About Liv W.
Liv W. is a creative director who turned into a blogger with a desire to bring more joy and friendliness to the world by providing tools and insights for personal wellbeing offers. She learns personally and spiritually for a lifetime. Her blog Soulove.us is dedicated to building a heart-based society.
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