“People will teach you how to love by not loving you back. People will teach you how to forgive by not apologizing. People will teach you kindness through their judgment. People will teach you how to grow by stagnating. Take care as you go through pain and mysterious times. Listen to the wisdom life wants to teach you. "~ Meredith Marple
“The advertisement was a misprint. We cannot offer you financial compensation for your writing, maybe for dog food. "
This is an actual response from a successful animal magazine that I wanted to write for. This letter goes on to say that if my love for animals exceeds my need for money, you would be happy if I write for you what I felt was a personal offense, as I am a great animal lover.
You can't make that up!
With experiences like this, it is no stranger to me to feel devalued in my career and it is difficult for me to accept a lack of consideration and respect. A typical example …
Another magazine replied that they were interested in a particular piece that I was writing and then dropped the communication. Dozens of checkups went unanswered until one day I had enough. I felt so disrespectful like I didn't care enough to at least get an answer. I wrote a type of letter I'd never written to this magazine before and learned a tough life lesson in return.
In my e-mail it was described in detail how disappointed I was with the lack of etiquette of the people who ran this once favorite magazine of mine.
I let my anger build up in true sagittarian form and let out my storm of personal truth.
The editor apologized and forwarded this angry email to the person above her, but guess what happened next?
I tried to report again, and again, even recently, again!
I am convinced that you have now stopped communicating with me on purpose.
While the way I grew up and what I consider to be basic human decency justifies this act of standing up for myself, all it really has done to this person of differing values is sure to be me looking immature and emotional. And I imagine I burned down a possible bridge.
I now realize that regardless of what I did, they may have continued to treat their filings with the same disregard, but after the initial outraged warrior high, I had nothing but regrets.
I have learned that in many situations getting up and fighting for approval is not necessarily the smartest act.
This of course depends on the situation.
In this situation I should have just carried on instead of taking it so personally and allowing this one encounter to take so much energy into my heart and fill my being with negativity.
Neither is there any place where you can move forward when you are living in the emotion of anger and pain. I was just upset about something that was out of my control. And I failed to look objectively at the situation and consider the many reasons why they might not have replied to my emails.
I also didn't respect myself for putting so much hope, faith and self-identification into what is ultimately a business. The "It's business, not personal" line is true, but I never seemed to grasp that enough to create an emotional separation, which is what I'm doing now.
Maybe my emails really got lost in the shuffle. Perhaps the editor had something in his personal life that was overwhelming and they just didn't need this filing. Maybe my email was just one email too many. Maybe they are understaffed and often way behind with emails. I may not know what is really going on in someone else's mind or life, and so I need to look at these situations in order to move on with grace.
This world consists of many different people with different priorities and life situations. I've learned that there is nothing wrong with holding onto my values and asserting myself, but it doesn't help to challenge someone who comes from a world other than mine.
Is it worth getting up, talking and burning a bridge?
I think about the other person's life and workload and where they might come from, not to justify it but to understand it.
I write a diary or create art to let the pain out.
I exercise the frustration and the inevitable lack of closure from my body.
"Sleeping on it" also has great value and a real quiet contemplation time.
If you stand up against personal injustice often, the inflator won't change, but it will always change you for better or for worse.
At least that's what I found.
Especially when I feel vulnerable with someone, because I feel terrible in my skin, because they clearly have different values, I leave now. I just try to recognize the difference in character and move forward on my own path.
These experiences keep coming up in different forms and I think they have changed me for the better. People who broke my spirit by devaluing and ignoring me actually made me feel more empathetic. I have a desire to reach more people because I have observed what a lack of human appreciation can mean for a person.
I am by no means perfect – neither of us is – but I promise myself that I will always return to people in time because I know what it is like to feel ignored and unimportant.
I am deeply in tune with other people's pain, which sometimes makes me feel incredibly heavy, but somehow creates a deep desire in me to achieve with as much love as possible.
I also really appreciate people who reply to e-mails, letters and phone calls. These people remind me of who I want to be and also remind me that I can choose who to connect with in my personal and professional life.
I learned a lot from the time in which I acted from my own opinions and values.
I've learned that shifting my perspective on another person often causes more damage and in most cases doesn't change how they see a particular situation. You could be on the opposite side of that long, thick rope of tug of war forever.
Sometimes I think it's better to let go, turn away and face the people and the life you want. If the bridge is broken, don't burn it, you never know, but don't try to climb on it, because then you will inevitably fall and lose yourself in the process.
I say keep holding onto your values and viewpoints and spreading love by living them instead of spreading hostility by insisting on getting justice from those who do not share the same outlook on life.
Finally, keep looking for your people, your friends, whom you would never ignore or deliberately disregard you because these people will make it clear to you that you deserve attention and recognition, whether everyone appreciates you or not.
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