"The faster you apply verbal or mental labels to things, people or situations, the flatter and lifeless your reality becomes and the darker you become for reality." ~ Eckhart Tolle
Things are difficult right now, aren't they? When I started writing this article about my goal of dropping labels so I can live without judgment, I thought I didn't want to judge people in the gym by what their t-shirts said.
Now I'm trying not to judge people in my community and across the country for taking measures that make me afraid for my safety and the safety of my family. It's a completely different fish kettle, let me tell you.
In a way, however, this experience made one thing clear to me: we are all human beings and we all do our best. And judging someone else's best, someone else's beliefs, just hurts us.
I tried for a long time to become aware of myself, to become more aware and to practice gratitude and compassion.
But this pandemic is testing me.
When I read an article about people in my city driving down Main Street and protesting the orders to stay at home, I admitted that my thoughts immediately came into contact with negative terms and assumptions.
And I bet the same people who do caravanning would judge me in an unflattering way.
That is the thing with the judgment – it cuts in both directions and there is no definitive answer. There is no way to know who is "right". Probably because we all have glimmers of truth in our belief systems.
I also listen to the news and call people's names, both out loud to my husband and in my own head, which is just another way of identifying and judging them. It makes my inside terrible, but I've noticed that my fear makes it hard for me to stop.
Since I don't want to spend my whole life in nerves, worries and anger in this crazy time, I realize that today it's more important than ever to let go of labels
But how? How can I let go when I think the guy over there is doing something stupid, something that could literally kill me?
One thing I am certain of: I feel better, calmer and more present when I stop listening to the chatter of my mind and believe it. When I go outside and go for a walk, when my thoughts are about admiring the flowers instead of tearing down the politicians, I am at peace.
I want more of it. Less labels. More compassion. So I am currently encouraging myself to let go of judgments.
I remember that labeling doesn't help. Nothing at all. Whether you call people who want everything to be closed for a long time as ridiculous snowflakes or the leader of a city who wants everything to be reopened as a right nut, you don't help.
When you judge other people, you don't feel better, not really. It may temporarily make your ego feel important, smart, or special, but when you are in contact with yourself and your real feelings, you just feel empty.
When I judge, I get angry. When I get angry, I am not compassionate or kind. I am not calm and reachable with my child. And all of that negative energy would be greatly reduced if I just accepted people for what and who they are.
Accepting our differences and the opinions of others does not mean taking no action. It just means acting from a place of peace instead of responding to anger or fear. It means putting yourself in your position for a moment.
Instead of commenting on a person's Facebook post during a tantrum (which doesn't help), take a deep breath and then evaluate what the real problem is.
Can you do something about it? Can you organize a petition or take other measures to protect yourself and your family? If you can, do it from a prudent place.
Judging someone from your home computer and getting upset doesn't help anyone or anyone. Remember, these are people too.
It is clear to me that the labeling is assessed simply and simply.
You describe someone as with or against you, as old or young, as sick or healthy, as pretty or ugly. They describe themselves as too wrinkled or too limp, too nervous or too loud.
These are all just words. Look at yourself and let your mind be calm. Look at that person with the insulting (for you!) Opinion and let them put up with you instead of pulling that person down in your head.
See that your mind is busy, busy, busy making comments and justifying why they are necessary when they are not really helping anyone.
I watch without the labels.
I also notice my judgments without marking them.
I would greatly beautify the truth if I told you that I am already very good at looking at things, especially other people with different opinions about how to deal with this pandemic without marking it.
As part of this process, however, I am sympathetic. If I notice that I'm labeling someone or something (she's trying to do something! Why does he say that, it's so dangerous! How did we get into this terrible position?), I just stop.
I take the time to notice that I make judgments without calling myself "not good at it" or "never change". A big change like this takes time, and if I get involved with myself, the process will certainly not be more pleasant.
I consciously invite myself to notice the present moment.
When I start judging others, I can no longer enjoy what is going on around me.
Instead of enjoying the smell of baked ziti in the oven, I gripe about what I just read online. Instead of appreciating the brightness of my daughter's laugh, I'm mentally worried that she'll smear jelly all over her shirt. Instead of feeling the warmth of my husband's embrace, I grimace the smell of color on his t-shirt.
I am simply not there when I am in my mind and label every little thing. And current life events have made this even clearer.
Instead of feeling sad that I have lived so much of my life in court (which is just another label!), I will feel grateful that I have arrived at this point.
I will take a deep breath and come back to it shortly. I will spend as much time as possible just being in the present moment.
Being in the present moment also makes it easier to deal with these circumstances. Instead of worrying when it will be over or how it will be tomorrow, I can just live in the now, my mind is clear, my heart is open.
About Jen Picicci
Jen Picicci is an artist, writer and mediator of inner voices and lives in the mountains of Western North Carolina. She creates joyful, soul-lifting works of art and teaches women how to follow their own compass. To see her art, follow her on social media, or get her free Create Your Best Life guide, visit www.JenPicicci.com.
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