“Money is numbers. And numbers never end. If it takes money to be happy, your quest for happiness will never end. "~ Bob Marley
On January 17, 2020, I dragged the last remaining boxes out of my office and sat in my frozen car, stunned by what had come to fruition. The saying “be careful what you wish for” poked me into my tearful eyes. I didn't even try to hold them back … months of stiff upper lips – that meant the locks could now be safely opened. Noise!
No more discussions with customers.
No more financial plans to build.
No more advice on market fluctuations.
No more copious notes proving I had a client's best interest in my heart.
No more strict compliance audits. No more requests to underwriters.
No more feeling like a cheater.
And I hoped no more stomach ache.
It has been a ten year financial challenge to reacquire my customer base in exchange for a majority stake in the family business. And that decade of payments ended the day I decided to leave the stage. The "house" – if you will – has finally been paid for. But it was too late. I was ready.
Guys, who is doing this ?! I mean, who's putting in all the time and giving up the rewards when they're finally available?
Apparently I do! As the reality of my situation set in, I continued to sit like a statue in the car, staring at the door that I would never go through at will again. I left my keys, my clients and my livelihood. When I was 46, I left this little gold mine.
Some thought I had gone completely insane – a midlife crisis that unfolds before their curious eyes. "Don't you have any bills to pay yet?" "The girls are so young!" "You're throwing away sixteen years!" But my reasons for leaving become clear as I outline some life lessons that I will take with me on my new path. Most of these insights come directly from helping my clients.
Lesson 1: Life is precious. And briefly.
Insert eye rolls and yawn! Yes, we all know that. But are we really doing this?
The gift of life is a miracle. That you exist goes against all odds – about 1 in 400 trillion according to Google. As you let this take effect, you know that your life is important too. Very. And whether you can still feel the extent of this statement is irrelevant. One day, it will pat you on the back when you least expect it.
You were brought to this earth to achieve an effect that only you can have. Because there is no other you.
But what if I told you that a catastrophic single engine plane crash could eradicate a huge potential? You could say, "No, I don't make it a habit to get into these things!" Or that you will soon find out you have an inoperable tumor that will rob you of the chance to see your daughter walking down the aisle next year? "Buddy. I'm a vegetarian with no family history of cancer so quit with Debbie Downer."
If that sounds dramatic, I get it. Realistically, we are all faced with life and death at every moment. The above are the situations I've dealt with all along in my practice … Walloping, unexpected curveballs that changed everything.
None of us regulated the business of eternal life. (Except maybe that Wolverine guy. My twelve year old says he kicks his ass for immortality!) Still, some rely on the illusion that if we work tirelessly now, we can enjoy the good times later. You know how retired.
This is fool thinking!
My customers showed me the fragility of life. The idea that tomorrow will be promised made us live like we were in rehearsal and only practice for the big event that will eventually be our lives. It plays on the mantra "I'll be happy when," in which we chase an elusive carrot on a rotating treadmill. (Just to find out we're just going around in circles.) We magically expect to have it done once we hit that golden age of retirement! Phew! I can really live now!
Once I gave a life insurance check to a young widow whose husband was stolen from her at the exact moment she was on the phone with him. Can you even imagine that? His truck literally exploded while they were having a routine conversation. Thanks to this extreme perspective, I have come to a place where I am not interested in practicing in life.
I'll live it. Every day and on my terms. Not assuming that tomorrow will stay with me. Note: Even when I say this, I recognize the privilege and know that many people are just trying to survive, let alone thrive.
Life Lesson No. 2: You can't take it with you.
Some of my clients had more money than they could spend in three lifetimes, but they wouldn't spend any money. The truth is, it made them feel safe. Most of these people grew up in a period of austerity or came from parents who served in one of the world wars. They fought hard for any nickel, and their values around money were simple: accumulate and save. I do not judge and understand where the mentality comes from.
In addition, however, there was often the desire to leave a legacy for their children and grandchildren. "When I die, I want to leave all of this to the children." I found it fascinating that these customers sacrificed so much of themselves even though they didn't see it that way. I've always believed that money means nothing until you trade it for something. I was touched by your altruism for the future generation.
It confused me too. I wondered if there was no opportunity to influence their closest relatives while these people were young and impressionable. Unpack parts of this nest egg and teach them how to handle money? Or relieve them of their financial pressures while they grapple with education, job search and establishment. It's not easy to be twenty today.
And yet, forget that! What about some of this for yourself? Get out there and make tons of memories with the people you love! Put it in the world and watch it come back ten times, especially when it's invested in more than just funds. What brings me to my next lesson in life …
Life Lesson # 3: Diversify Your Investment Portfolio. Make deposits into your memory bank. These will pay dividends that can last a lifetime.
I admit that I had a somewhat unconventional style when it came to giving advice in my financial practice. Sure, I have made it a point to base the risk and plan for tomorrow. (Neither of us want to eat cat food when we are retired!) But you would never hear me tell a customer not to take this trip with their kids just so they can get the most out of contributions to retirement.
screw. The. Noise.
Investing is an interesting phenomenon. You are putting the energy you deserve (that's money) into something you hope will grow. It requires a headache with doing homework upfront, including assessing your tolerance for risk, understanding what you are investing in, and paying attention as you navigate the ups and downs of market performance. It takes discipline and patience.
I think we can all agree, the ultimate goal of our investment is: to make money with our money. (Let's not split our hair when it comes to supporting young entrepreneurs and other social enterprise start-ups. This is not the point.)
But what about an investment in your memory bank? Is that even a thing? 'Cause when it does, boy it sounds hokey!
Folks, it's a real thing. Four years ago, my husband and I made some money and gave each other the privileged opportunity to think about what to do with it. The options were endless – including, but not limited to, fixing our roof (not sexy), replenishing our girls' education funds (boring), or reducing our lives to one backpack at a time and setting off on a South American adventure. Winner, winner; Chicken dinner!
We called ourselves The Traveling Gong Show because honestly we were a disaster at best. A Family of Four: Make Your Way Through Ecuador and Peru! Our only goals? Slow down our lives, connect intensely with the children and show them a piece of the world that offers a new cultural perspective. (They were thirteen and eight then.) Again, people thought we were a little crazy – "Wait, you're going to be on a bus for fifty-two hours? Are you crazy ?!" – but that didn't stop us.
I admit that by the end of the three months we actually took on a bit of debt. You see, when you are not working there is no income (see picture) and we didn't know if we would ever have such an opportunity, so we took advantage of as many opportunities in reasonable proximity as possible.
But the money spent was a fair compromise for all of the memories we made … Hiking the Salkantay Trail to Machu Picchu. Dune buggying in the Peruvian desert. Swim with sharks in the Galapagos Islands. These investments were far more epic than reading the fund facts for a medium risk growth portfolio! And while it is true that we briefly changed the opportunity to save more for their educational future, we actually made their lives the way I would never have dreamed.
Thanks to this experience, one of my oldest daughter's goals for her future is how she can make a difference to some of the inequalities in the world around the world. Who would have thought that our frolicking on a little adventure would inform their emerging ideology about life, culture and social responsibility?
Life Lesson # 4: A job / career that you don't like – but that has a great retirement plan – could mean years of misery.
I have advised dozens of clients who have held onto a loosely woven thread in their work. They were unhappy, but the carrot at the end of the treadmill was a guaranteed pension. And that counts for something. A lot, actually, these days.
As far as teaching is concerned, it is sensitive. Job security is important. Planning our future and independence is important. But working eight to twelve hours a day, five to seven days a week on something that kills your soul is not a fair trade for a future life that is not guaranteed. At least not in this girl's honest opinion.
Even as I write this, I can think of a number of people I know who are practically miserable in their jobs but who count on this guaranteed pension once they have reached retirement age.
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And I can speak about it with some authority. These pensions are known as defined benefit plans. The employer assumes all risks and future earnings are a combination of years of service, your top five income years, and their own market investment performance. You just have to show up and work. Every day. Until you hit that magic number.
But such pensions are worryingly underfunded today and are thus following the path of the dodo bird. People who have access to them (usually in the public service) are told time and again how blessed they are.
And that's them.
Just you know what? If you are literally TOILING and only living for tomorrow, you are not really living now, are you? I know some people in this situation. Fabulous skills. Talent wasted in a job they loathe, but it offers them a better financial future than they could possibly get anywhere else. So is it ancient today or tomorrow?
I'm not here to convince you to quit your job. That's not it. However, I believe in challenging the status quo. And I believe that today is important. Today deserves a shot.
When, after 16 years as a financial advisor, I spoke for myself, I could easily have stayed in my career and metaphorically cleared up. Most established practitioners do very well when they have the ability to engage in the long game.
But the tradeoff between all this future money was in control for me. So much of what I thought, valued, and sought to pursue in my personal life has been attributed to the regulatory policies of what was and what was not acceptable. And I'm all for regulation – gosh, there are crooks and holes out there! However, the honest guy pays a price. Incessant control. A feeling of Big Brother watching you. It all got a little too much for my free-spirited, ethical self.
And? There was something else. Which comfortably leads to my last hour of life for today.
Life Lesson No. 5: Being true to yourself is crucial for (real) happiness.
I consider my time as a financial advisor a massive blessing, but it was starting to feel insincere to my soul. I had poured myself into my career in my thirties and early forties, but lost a bit of who I really was.
There is a much bigger problem when you feel like a square pen in a round hole. It can manifest itself physically and show up in the form of abdominal pain and a chronically watery left eye. (Had this for two years). It's also a silent erosion of your mind – but it only becomes noticeable when you are completely removed from your situation.
Fortunately, I decided to do something about the growing discomfort I felt in an industry that had mostly done me good. Once more I distilled my things into a backpack and went on a pilgrimage to gain some clarity.
For thirty-three days I put one foot in front of the other and followed the famous Camino de Santiago in Spain, covering a total of 800 km. With every step I adjusted myself closer to the frequency of my soul until it was no longer statically mutilated, but a loud, booming voice: Samantha! You have to make a change in your life! This career is killing you!
What I discovered was that being true to myself was vital to my growth, purpose, and the peace I longed for. I didn't want to waste another moment not being the woman I found on this trail.
So what now? There's a pandemic – an indication of another curveball – and global mass insecurity. But I choose a new dream that is driven by passion rather than wealth. I continue to be grateful for all of life's blessings and even for the struggles. Because they taught me that the hunt for money and status does not ultimately fill a person's bucket of happiness. And that's gold to me.
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