"Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will evade you, but when you notice the other things around you it will come softly and sit on your shoulder." ~ Henry David Thoreau
Most of us are always on the lookout for a major breakthrough – a point in our life where beam balance leads to maximum happiness so that we can enjoy eternal bliss. What can we do to get there?
Our pursuit of happiness is like a coyote chasing a roadrunner. But what happens? Just like with the Roadrunner, happiness slips away from us every time. This leads us to some questions …
What if the pursuit of happiness never ends? Have we ever thought about the reluctance to chase happiness? To save you from months of misery, I will share a little of my life experience. From a typical college kid to depression, it was my pursuit of happiness that brought me down.
The obsession phase
It was 2018. I was obsessed with smartphones and my average screen time per day was ten hours. When I was stuck in a vicious circle of WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube for hours, I felt miserable and sluggish. In a vain attempt to regain my life, I deleted all social media accounts. Every social media app went straight out the window.
Fifteen days later, my daily screen time was still eight to ten hours on average. I was the toughest addict you could ever find. It wasn't a good sign and I really wanted to break free from the claws on my smartphone. So this time I did something different: I sold my smartphone and got myself a shabby Nokia 3310.
It was a "life changing experience". It immediately filled me with eternal joy and … okay, I'll stop lying. Just wanted to pretend I was an Instagram influencer who ditched my phones for thirty days claiming the experience was life changing! As if it could be that simple.
The truth is, leaving my smartphone sucked. Over seven hours of free time without doing anything. I felt like my head was about to break into a million pieces. I was bored to tears for the first few days and spent much of my time staring at my friends with their shiny little companions. Days elapsed from …
One fine day I had an idea for a short story. It was about a young girl who lost her boxing father in a fight and lives in poverty with his mother. It is run by a man at school and they develop a kind of "brother from another mother" relationship. He picks her up and she does the same when he falls back.
Since I had little to do and no expectations, I started to write.
Every night after college I ran to the library to write my story. Weeks went by and I finished my first draft. Guess what? I posted it too … full of typos and errors, but I did it anyway!
Fortunately, my compassionate friends overlooked my mistakes and read the whole thing anyway. And they (somehow) liked it. Not that I was a child prodigy at writing or whatever, but it wasn't bad for a beginner. This inflamed letter dreams inside me … and from here it went downhill.
I was disaffected that success and fame would make me happy. With this false belief, writing became my new drug of choice. A few months later, I woke up at 4:30 in the morning and then worked until midnight.
It wasn't like I was writing all the time. I would spend most of my morning hesitating to sit in front of my desk or bang my head on it for ideas. I got fixated on the idea that more work = better chances of success = better chances of being happy. The lack of sleep gradually took a toll on my body and I turned into an impulsive, depressed, sleepless zombie.
Although I sat in front of my laptop for almost a third of the day, I could have done the same amount of work in an hour. I got carried away with my wrong definition of success, and this distanced me from my friends, which I cannot proudly admit.
But a book intervened and saved me from becoming a zombie who feasts on the brain of his roommate for breakfast. The chapter on the importance of sleep made me realize how stupid I had been. I finally understood the workaholic madness I was under.
The recovery phase
I began to sleep seven to eight hours a night, although I feared I would become less productive. I wrote for pleasure, started hanging out with friends, went to the movies, and also took a few short trips. But none of this was possible in my workaholic days. It was all work-work-work.
A week later, I found that I had done more quality work in an hour or two than I could get in eight hours when I got a bad night's sleep. And every month it got better and better. That made me think …
"Why am I so happy even though I work less? Why am I happy even though I don't try to be happy?"
That's when I came across this idea.
How happiness works
Psst … I'll tell you how happiness works. (Cue Drumroll) Happiness is an effect, not a cause or a goal. Let me explain …
When you try to be happy, think of it as a destination – some place to go in the future after doing the right things. Now think about all those moments when you were happy: when after several tries you passed an exam, hung out with your friends, celebrated your birthday, danced at a party, played sports and went on vacation. All of these things have two things in common.
The activities themselves create happiness.
You don't want to be happy. Instead, enjoy the activity.
I hung out with my friends and went to the movies because I love this stuff. This creates happiness. I never intended to be happy from a movie, I just wanted to enjoy a movie and it made me feel happy.
Hunting for luck is not intuitive.
Think back to your childhood days. Have you ever sat alone and discussed what makes you happy? If you find luck playing cricket or LEGO blocks? You did things when you liked them, not because you decided intellectually that they were the key to happiness.
Even if you succeed in finding happiness after a long chase, it certainly won't be long – I didn't say that, science does – thanks to the hedonic adaptation of man's observed tendency to quickly return to a relatively stable state of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes.
So instead of asking what makes you happy, you ask what do you like to do?
I like the following things. Maybe something here could work for you.
How can you enjoy life more?
Passion
Cultivate a love for something. Research shows that having a passion increases our eudaimonic wellbeing. Art, music, writing, gardening, cooking, programming, dancing, designing are a few examples out of a million. When trying to find your passion there are a few things you need to know:
– Passion never shows up on your doorstep. You have to do it. This means that you keep working on random things which in turn provoke your love for an activity, and not the other way around. It was only after writing three short stories and fifteen short blog posts that I discovered my passion for writing.
– The only reason to get excited about something is because you love the activity in itself, not that you can make money from it. And it's totally cool when your passion isn't making money – if you follow your passion, it doesn't feel like work, does it? I still love to write and hope I can hold on to it forever. It's not my love of writing that ruined me. The desire to be famous and chase happiness did so.
Striving for work-life balance
Whether you are eighteen or eighty years old, you will not be happy if you overwork yourself or spend all of your time watching TV shows. Always try to strike a balance so that you have time to get things done, time to enjoy things you love, and time to be simple.
Channel your stress well
It's easier to bathe Netflix after a hard day at work. But how about exercising, walking your dog, watering your plants, or taking your kids to an ice cream parlor? Find things you enjoy and channel your stress that way instead of mindlessly scrolling through social media.
Socialize
Humans are social beings, so let's act like that. Go on a family outing, plan a game night with friends (virtual or in person) or just have dinner with your family. When you laugh with people you love, you will likely be so present the moment you think of nothing, let alone find happiness.
Take care of the body in which you live.
A good rest prepares you for a great day while sleep deprivation destroys your mood and health. So sleep well and exercise at least three times a week to keep your blood and endorphins flowing. You don't have to put £ 300 on the bank. A fifteen minute jog would do the job.
–
To sum it up: stop chasing happiness, it makes your life worse. Take part in activities that you enjoy in a variety of areas, such as: E.g. sociability, passion, hobbies. Sleep well and stay human. Zombies have a terrible reputation on our planet, so you won't become one.
Typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix the problem!
