“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my choices. "~ Stephen Covey
In August 2019 I was sitting with my head in my hands in my therapist's office. I was heartbroken about a recently ended relationship, had no job I wasn't looking forward to, and made a living on my closest friends and family across the country. I felt like there wasn't much I could do to change my situation because I was nearing my senior year and had to stay.
"Sometimes life is a traffic jam," said my therapist. I imagined huge, sliced oak trees floating on a river and stacked on top of each other.
"You will be at the university by April next year, then you can do what you want," she said. I don't think my therapist intended to interpret her message that way, but at that moment I called my life "Logjam". I accepted that I would have a difficult life until I graduate in April 2020.
It was easy for me to feel sorry for myself. The first thing in the morning I rolled over to my phone and thoughtlessly flipped the pages. I started looking at people online every day: people in happy relationships, who travel freely, eat fancy food in fancy places. I noticed that this action made me suffer.
One morning I decided not to start my day like this. Instead, I left the phone where it was and went for a walk. I started my days with a 30 minute walk, rain or shine. The spike in exercise endorphins combined with the distance from my smartphone felt great.
While I was walking, I dreamed of April 2020 – the month when I could travel somewhere to celebrate my graduation, I would find a new job, I could move to a new city and not be in school … I would have time to date again! The countdown was on. In April I could finally enjoy my life again.
When my university closed in March for COVID-19, I was certain that it would reopen in April with graduation.
We all know where this is going.
April 2020 came and went and the pandemic spread across North America. As Canada began to introduce more and more restrictions, I found that I had spent most of a year counting down the days until my circumstances would change. I thought if I could make it by April, all my freedom and happiness would be restored. But April came, I lost my job, I moved back to my mother's house, and activities like travel and dating were off the table.
The pandemic has thrown a large part of our lives in a traffic jam. Many of us feel stuck. Many of us have our eyes set on the future when the protocols get rolling again. You may be thinking, "Everything will be back to normal by winter." Of course it could be, and I hope so. But it could also be very good not to be back to normal by then.
Take this advice from someone who has spent most of the last year counting down the days until I could enjoy my life: The traffic jam is in our heads and will last as long as we think he is there.
My morning walks are different now. Instead of thinking about all the things I'm going to do in the future, I think about what's happening right now. How can I be a better daughter, sister, friend? What am I going to do today to take care of myself? What am I grateful for right now?
Incredible growth comes from learning to adapt and survive under undesirable conditions. Sometimes life requires us to keep our heads down and focus on one foot in front of the other. Life cannot always be pure joy and fun. Life can't always be a happy relationship, a vacation to fantastic destinations, or a fancy meal at fancy restaurants. Sometimes life is more difficult than that.
Many people in the world are currently suffering much worse than mental traffic jams – loss, illness, financial hardship, violence and discrimination were a reality for many in 2020. Many people have difficulty paying their bills. overwhelmed with work or unemployment, unpredictable childcare and health care, dealing with sick relatives, etc. Maybe you are one of them.
But if, like me, you are blessed enough to meet most of your needs right now, keeping an eye on things can make this slow and difficult time a little more bearable. And it can also help you prepare for times when things are much more difficult. The better we can deal with moments when we feel stuck, the better we can tackle life's most heartbreaking challenges.
It is an ability to be able to feel satisfied when things look gloomy around us. I'm not going to pretend that this summer I imagine living with a parent and losing my job. And I'm not going to pretend that every day was really easy just because of a morning walk. But the mindfulness I've practiced over the past year has helped me see the glass as half full.
This summer I swam in a lake every day. I reconnected with friends from my childhood. I was able to help my mother raise a new puppy. I was able to write articles like this without the stress of sheet music and a timeline. Although I didn't envision my summer after graduation this way, it is wonderful in its own way.
Instead of criticizing ourselves, our lives, or each other in these unprecedented times, try to take a full breath, put your feet on the ground and feel the life still happening around you. You may have a lot of responsibilities and challenges, but if your circumstances allow … I urge you to make the most of this unpredictable year.
Watch the tree trunks roll unattached down the river and move towards whatever comes next.
About Rachel Laura White
Rachel White is a writer from a small town in Canada. She enjoys doing comics and writing poetry, fiction and non-fiction. She enjoys the simple things in life like new dogs, hot tea, and trips to the mountains. You can keep up with her adventures and keep up to date on future releases by following her on instagram @ rach_4ever.
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