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“When things get tough today, remember the smell of coffee, the way sunlight reflects off a window, the sound of your favorite person's laughter, the feeling when a song comes up You love the color of the dusk sky and that we are here to take care of each other. “~ Nanea Hoffman
I am currently exhausted. Absolutely beat. I have taken on more work than I can comfortably do in my available time, felt myself out in the weather for a while, and my eighteen month old son is in further sleep regression.
Regardless of whether I take care of him or work, I almost always do something, seven days a week. And like many of us, I feel like I have very few options for fun and relaxation, even if I can find the time given the limits of the pandemic.
I know that I have little to complain about. I'm relatively healthy, just like the people I love. I've met all of my basic needs. And I appreciate a lot. Even so, my days feel overwhelming and tough.
Maybe you can tell something – and maybe it's even worse for you.
Perhaps after months of isolation you are struggling with mental health problems. Or you're trying to figure out how to pay your bills because you've lost your job or some of your hours. Or you are dealing with a sick loved one and the responsibility seems far too much to bear.
If you are in this overwhelmed place right now – if you are frustrated and burned out, or at the end of your rope – I get it. I really do. And I don't have easy answers to these very real and perhaps seemingly insurmountable problems.
However, I can say that things are not always what they seem. And no matter what comes our way, there are a few things we can all do to make it through this day. Our sanity is intact. So we're less tormented, more grounded, and better able to deal with whatever the future may bring.
Here are some mindful ways as I approach the day when it all feels too much:
1. Do only what you can achieve with a single task.
I find it incredibly difficult to be present when I have to do several things at the same time because I have the feeling that I am failing at all and inevitably getting stuck in my head, judging myself and my efforts.
Neither do I like things when I have overlapping tasks – even if some of them might otherwise be fun, like spending time with my son or writing. Twenty tabs are open in my head, playing music and video clips and Netflix shows at the same time. All the best, but not all at once!
Even in normal times, parents in particular have to multitask – between childcare, housework and actual work there is just so much to do. Still, I realized that I can ask a lot for help and just let go of some things. I can wash the dishes later. Or make a non-boiling lunch. Or don't do some of the little things that I would like to but don't really have to do for this site.
This is not easy for perfectionists. We want to think we can do everything – and everything well. And when we can't, we're tough on ourselves. But I started telling myself at the end of the day if I can't reasonably accomplish everything on my to-do list, the problem isn't mine, it's my workload.
So do one thing at a time, and when you feel like you just can't, ask yourself if this is really true, or if you are just clinging to your busyness – because you feel productive or you get it Sense gives control, or allows you to avoid emotions that you may not want to encounter.
2. Allow yourself to enjoy the little things.
It sounds clichéd and I know it is, but this really is a lifesaver. If your days feel overwhelming, these little moments can go a long way in creating a sense of balance, even if life is currently not so balanced.
Take the five minutes to enjoy your tea or coffee instead of scrolling and wiping through. Dance to your favorite song and buckle up the lyrics, really feel them in your heart. Take a few minutes to look at the moon and stars at night and lose yourself for a minute in the beauty of the evening and the vastness of the universe.
The other day, after a particularly stressful experience with my son, I noticed that the moon looked like someone had painted it. It was really breathtaking – full and much more orange than usual – and I can't remember ever seeing it so beautiful before.
So I stared. I didn't try to stop thinking, I just did it because it was so spectacular. And after a few minutes I felt calmer. I had meditated without trying, by appreciating something I might otherwise have missed – even though it was massive and right in the sky for me to see.
Take some time to wonder about something that you only like when you focus on it. See the things you can't see if you hurry up. Hear the things you can't hear when you are stressed. Get so caught up in your senses that everything else seems to stop for a moment – because things don't actually stop. So we have to be the ones to do that.
3. If you are worried about the future or regret the past, take stock of your current strengths.
Hard days are infinitely more difficult if we relive difficult days in the past or are worried about possible hard days. But our minds are like a magnet for negative things when we start indulging in defeatist thoughts. It's like putting on a neutral density filter and then looking through time with a dark, depressing headlight.
So instead of focusing on the past or worrying about the future, focus on whatever strengths you have right now to keep you from making the same mistakes and help you deal with whatever is to come .
Think about everything that you have overcome and how it shaped you. Maybe you are resourceful, adaptable, or open-minded. You may be determined, disciplined, or empathetic in a way that will help you connect with people and create systems of support.
Instead of worrying about what the world can do to you, find strength in who you have become as a result of your experiences – and trust in this moment that you can rely on these strengths to keep you good To provide service no matter what the future brings.
And even better: find a way to use one of these strengths now.
The other day I started worrying about my plans for the beginning of next year because there is a lot in the air right now and – as always – there is a lot that I cannot control.
Then I remembered that I am always adaptable and resourceful because I have brought myself into many new situations in my life. I find a way to make things work and get the most out of things, even if I don't always trust that I can do it in the future.
Right at that moment, when I was feeling overwhelmed and too thin, I decided to make the most of my situation by making music I enjoyed and taking a break from work for my son watch them dance. The day wasn't perfect, but that moment was because I did it that way.
4. Practice tiny acts of self-care.
There was a time when I had ample opportunities for self-sufficiency. Before the baby, I could easily do an hour and a half of yoga and also take a walk on the beach and maybe even a bath.
Nowadays I tend to do ten minutes of stretching or five minutes of deep breathing to hear the sounds of the sea (since I no longer live near the beach) or take a careful shower.
There was a time when I thought these things weren't worth the effort. I am an all-or-nothing person! But a day of twenty-five minutes of self-care apart feels far better than a day of no self-care.
Here are some of my favorite self-care acts:
Read a chapter or a few pages of a book for pleasure
Make a face mask to feel cleaner and rejuvenated
Do absolutely nothing for five minutes – just sit and let me be
I'm calling someone I like to catch up with
Lie with my legs against a wall to soothe my muscles and relax my mind
Apply lotion to my hands and massage in to relieve tension
Eat something healthy or drink a green juice instead of having a processed snack
Doodle a few minutes and reconnect with my creative brain
I contact myself and ask: "What do I need right now?" Then give it to me, whether it's a break, a glass of water, or a stroll around the room.
Doing something that I enjoyed as a kid, like making up a silly dance to a song I love
5. Exercise radical self-respect.
I find that tough days are much easier when I have easier myself. Not always easy when the day feels difficult because I often find a way to blame myself for the difficulty. Like I'm just not good enough or strong enough. Or I didn't make the right decisions and that's why things feel so hard now.
To counter this, I try to imagine that I am watching someone I love living my life and think about what I would say to him if he felt overwhelmed or depressed.
I've even gotten into the habit of sometimes mentally calling myself "sister" – kind of funny, I know – because I'm always very empathetic towards my sister.
So if I have problems I could say: "Sister, you are fine! Nobody I know can do as much as you or also!"
And then, as a more preventative act of self-respect, I try to report to me throughout the day to see what I'm doing well. And sometimes it's not about doing, but about being.
Great work when you understand when you really wanted to judge.
It's good that you are thoughtful if you could have been drawn into your own business.
Way to relax further – right now – even though you feel like you've sucked on life today!
I know from personal experience that hard days feel even more exhausting when we beat each other up every step of the way. It's like walking through a storm with your own screaming twin on your back.
The storm will not be less violent because we are kinder to ourselves, but the journey is much less strenuous if we consciously choose to love ourselves through it.
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Knowing that paying attention is not always easy, you can focus on one thing, enjoy the little things, let go of regrets and worries, take good care of yourself and be kind to yourself – I do Another giveaway for my new Mindfulness Kit (currently available for $ 29!)
The kit contains four aromatherapy-based products, a guide for daily mindfulness practice and three advanced digital guides.
The products include:
A calming bath and shower gel
A lavender essential oil roll-on
A relaxing pillow spray
A scented candle with a lychee flower
The digital guides include:
How to Make Your Shower Mindful, Blissful, and Rejuvenating
5 breathing exercises to calm and focus your mind
How to do a body scan before bed to ensure a peaceful night's sleep
I created this kit to help all of us relax our tired minds and bodies through simple, small, calming daily rituals. So far, I've had some wonderful feedback from people who love the fragrances and enjoy the practices!
Like last time, I am giving away two kits – one for the winner and one for the winner to give a gift to a loved one.
To enter all you need to do is post a comment below and share one thing that recently made you smile.
You can enter PST until midnight on Sunday, December 6th. I'll be listing the winner's name here on Monday the 7th. Make sure to check back to see if you won so you can email me your address!
And if you want to buy a kit for yourself or someone you love right now while it sells for $ 29, you can get it here.
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