"Hope for love, prayer for love, desire for love, dream for love … but don't keep your life on hold and wait for love." ~ Mandy Hale
Going to weddings alone without having to take a plus with you. Watch the couples dance and think, "Will there ever be a time when I'm on the dance floor?" Going on vacation alone, without a partner to share memories with. Listen to friends' weekend stories to remind yourself of how lonely your own weekends are. If you are anything like me you might recognize these individual life signs.
"Will my situation and my circumstances ever change?" I would think as I tried to fall asleep at night. I would hold a pillow as a source of comfort, but that too disappeared in the morning when I woke up alone to face the day.
Many individuals think this way, but rarely express these thoughts. But sometimes we reach a turning point when we start to see everything differently – and then start to act differently.
The turning point for me came on a Saturday morning. After I got dressed and ready, I sat on a chair next to my bed. A photo of a couple of friends was in front of me. You were on vacation with a smile on your face under a clear blue sky with a clear blue sea behind you.
When I looked at this picture of serenity and happiness, I had a sinking, empty feeling in my stomach. I thought, "God, will this ever be me?" I looked down in front of me, feeling desperate, worried about my future, but paralyzed about what to do about it.
At that moment I thought: "Enough." I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I was sick of feeling sorry for myself. I was tired of watching the world go by. I was tired of the sad thoughts spinning around in my head like goldfish in a fishbowl.
I then asked myself: "What do I have to be upset about?" I had a roof over my head, clothes on my body and food in my mouth. That's not to say it's not normal to crave companionship when you're single. It's just that I was so focused on my life that I wasn't focused on what was right in my life. And I'd also focused on what was wrong with myself – like something was wrong with being single for so long.
How could I expect others to cheer me on until I became my own cheerleader? I decided then and there to do something. When I wasn't happy with myself, I had to go out and change and do things to change. Not just daydream and hope, life would turn on its own.
So what did I do?
I've been working on enjoying my single life more and I've joined some dating apps to "get in the ring". The results have proven to be mixed. As with all things in life, there are good days and bad days. But overall it was a positive experience because I met some great people in my search for the person to "catch" me.
I realized that we can only experience true happiness in life when we focus on ourselves instead of waiting for others to focus on us. People can join us for our stories, but we cannot expect them to complete our stories for us. We make our own life paths. Walking the beaten path will never be as satisfying as carving your own, however rocky or imperfect they may be.
So what helped me get ahead? Here are four things that can help you:
1. Work on loving yourself and your life.
Work on yourself before trying to attract someone. As a natural result of working on yourself, you radiate a glimmer of confidence. Your zest for life will radiate from your face and you will naturally look and feel better to others.
Work on developing positivity in your life. Embrace what you have, not what you wanted or what your neighbor has. Read More, Learn More, Travel More. Exercise twenty minutes a day, cook a new dish a week, read or watch something that inspires you every day.
Why should people get to know you? Evaluate the qualities you like in yourself, and chant your own praises in your head every time you doubt how worthy you are.
2. Be proactive.
Join some dating apps, take a few risks, and take the time to connect with people. Bumblebee and hinge are easy to use. You will meet new people and develop a new way of thinking.
Take action and make an effort to wipe for a few minutes each day. Plus, enjoy the process. Look beyond the photos. Realize that there is a whole person behind the photo when you are ready to give that person a chance. Look for the gold in the profiles.
3. Pay more compliments.
If you see something on a profile that you like, don't be afraid to say it. You could make someone's day with your words. It doesn't cost anything and could provide exactly the elevator you need. And the beauty of compliments is that you are likely getting something in return – things that people might have thought but otherwise wouldn't have shared if you hadn't gone first – which can help radically boost your confidence.
4. Focus on achieving one big goal each month.
Write down twelve goals for each of the twelve months of the year. Buy a paper journal and write down how you will fill your time for the next week. Do something that you normally wouldn't. The person you are looking for shouldn't compensate for all the things you are not. They should be an extension of all of the things that you are. The more you live, the more life you have to share with someone significant.
Review your progress once a week. Are you asking yourself, are you spending too much time with people who don't have time for you? Ruthlessly throw away the things that don't make you happy (people, pursuits, things) and selfishly embrace the things you do. Be generous with others and selfish with yourself.
So, in summary, what can you do to improve your dating life?
Indulge in the care with which you would treat a friend, expand your mind and approach to using dating apps, get compliments free, and give yourself a great cause to focus on every month can look forward to.
True happiness in life can only be experienced when we focus on inner joy, not when we look for outer solutions. Invite people into your life to join your life story, not build your life story. Be your own cheerleader first so others can cheer you on.
About Bhavin
Bhavin works for an investment bank in London in London. He enjoys personal development and wanted to share this story with you. When he helps a person; then it was worth it. Contact him at [email protected] and he will be happy to hear from you.
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