"I do not believe that people are looking for the meaning of life, but rather for the experience of being alive." ~ Joseph Campbell
Do you ever feel that there is more to life? More purpose, passion, meaning – whatever your word of choice is?
It happened to me twice. The first time was in the early years of my legal career and the second time only a few years ago (after the fight against an aggressive breast cancer).
Every time I yearned for more meaning, these two experiences could not have been more different.
When I was a young lawyer, I did not know what to do.
I wanted to become a lawyer from the age of ten, and the choices I made made sense. Decisions that had brought me to where I was, like:
I wanted to become a business lawyer, and
The choice of corporate finance law, because I was quick to recognize patterns and solutions, was an asset in structuring business.
In the early days of my career, I had a deep sense of accomplishment. Over a period of four years, however, this gradually changed.
I did not realize how bad it was until I got out of the office elevator in the morning and suddenly felt I could not breathe. I had a panic attack.
I went to my office, closed the door and cried. At that point, I admitted that I felt trapped in a purposeless life that I had worked hard to create.
And that brought with it questions like: how could I once feel passionate about this life? Was I wrong? If not, what had changed?
After my self-doubt kept me from doing anything for several months, I finally decided to do something about it.
I've written a clothes list of things I did not like in my life, including:
Works regularly over eighty hours a week (over a year)
On average, only five hours sleep per night
I felt that I was easily replaceable and did not have enough influence on my work
I have not spent any meaningful time with friends in over a year
A wandering spirit that was almost never present
My husband (a lot!) For no real reason to attack and be angry with peers who have interrupted my work
My list of sufferings was embarrassing and I did not like who I became. But it gave me a roadmap to fix my problems. It also helped me recognize what the purpose is.
Until then, I was looking for solutions externally and thought I needed to find my true calling.
The idea that purpose comes from a thing is a myth. And so is the idea that you find your purpose. They do not find it. you create a meaning in life by:
Use your strengths to make an impact (in a pleasant way).
Align your life to your core values and
Have a sense of belonging.
Let's talk about what they mean and how I've corrected them in each area.
1. Use your strengths to make an impact (in a way that is fun)
Most people understand that this purpose (at least in part) comes from an impact. But there is more behind it.
If you want to achieve a meaningful impact, you must use your abilities to the best of our ability (and that requires you to enjoy what you do). That way you will be motivated and stay motivated.
My problem was that I felt that my strengths in my work were not fully exploited – and that I was stuck in the same role and stagnating.
So I asked for more and sought work with new people. Finally, I switched the company to work in another area of corporate finance that better suited my abilities.
2. Align your life to your core values
Basic values are principles that make you unique. They affect how you see the world around you and how you make decisions (even if you are unaware of it).
If your life does not match your values, you'll feel that something is missing.
One of the main reasons why I was so unhappy was that I did not live by many of my basic values. One of my values is the family – not only that I have not spent much time with them, but also that I was not exactly present when I did.
Another of my values is the connection (which means for me to connect deeply with my fellow human beings and to stay in touch with myself). My desire to do more and work harder makes that almost impossible.
I felt disconnected from family, friends and peers. And my lack of sleep and my high stress made it difficult to understand my own thoughts and feelings.
To fix this, I first set working limits and reduced my workload. Then I prioritized self-care and time with family and friends.
3. Feeling Belonging
Affiliation is the key to happiness. It gives your life a meaning.
Affiliation involves the feeling of being used, accepted and loved. To have a sense of belonging, you have to make an active effort. It requires that you try to connect with other people who give you a sense of belonging.
Unfortunately, the way we live often separates us. We choose technology over personal contact and hurry through life to move on to the next step.
I did that. I was not connected to those who had always understood me and was even afraid that they would not understand what I was going through. But how could they if I seldom saw or talked to them?
Fortunately, this was repairable – the things I already did to better connect with my family and friends helped to strengthen my sense of belonging. I also joined organizations I was too busy for (and missed).
This experience gave me a plan that I should follow for a lifetime.
One that helped me find out why I longed for more meaning in life after fighting breast cancer (it turned out that the definition of one of my core values - service – had changed). But the second time was different because I was confident in finding out.
It's easy to put yourself in the company's expectations as you climb the ladder of success that lies ahead of you. Do not let that happen, you'll probably lose yourself.
Instead, use the above design to create a life that matters to you.
About Heather Moulder
Heather Moulder is a lawyer and head coach who helps successful, yet unfulfilled professionals create success from the inside out for a fulfilling career, with a true life in life Is consistent. Contact Heather for weekly tips and resources to improve your agility, overcome overstrain and self-doubt, and create a more fulfilling, balanced lifestyle that is fun.
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