"First you have a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
I love Sophia Loren. There is a picture of her in my house that looks forever youthful and refreshed. From everything I've been told, it's because she slept nine to ten hours every night.
When I look at this picture, I see someone who enjoys the joys in life. Eating, laughing, sex, work, motherhood, and self-care. Not so long ago I stared at this picture and thought: "How could I admire someone so much and live my life so differently from them?"
Have you heard of the halo effect? When you do the things that you know are right for your body, mind, and spirit, you exude that powerfully beautiful and enticing energy that others cannot get enough of. I now realize that my relationship with the daily alcohol habit actually diminished the glow of my halo. It was essentially stealing my joy, time, money, looks, wellbeing, and most importantly, my sleep.
Who knew that my beauty sleep had been kidnapped by alcohol for so long!
Puffy face, dark circles, dry mouth, red eyes, weight gain and not to mention headache, increased heartbeat, anxiety … these are just some of the nice side effects I had from over-indulging in the bottle.
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While trying to reduce the overwhelming, I accidentally fueled it with insomnia and the blurry feeling the next day.
Do I think that alcohol is bad or that drinking is forbidden? No.
I know myself that the daily two, sometimes three glasses of wine took a toll. It stole any kind of focus and motivation the next day to work through all of the things I said I would meet in the hug of my main squeezer Mr. P (Pinot Noir) the night before I hugged.
My relationship with alcohol stole my ability to enter the life I wanted.
I wanted to lose weight.
I wanted to make more money.
I wanted to write my book.
Until I let go of the hold that Mr. P had for me, I knew deep down that I would never come close to realizing any of these dreams.
Every morning I wake up and ask myself three things:
How do I want to feel today?
What can I do today to love myself?
What can I give to others today?
My answer to # 2 was often…
"Drink more water."
"Start weight training."
"Let go of the gluten."
The truth was the only true voice that said quietly and patiently day after day: "Take a break from alcohol."
I just wasn't ready to listen.
A phone call finally led to a courageous experiment.
For ninety days I promised a friend that I would do an alcohol reset with her. After hanging up that fateful Sunday, I went to the calendar to mark the ninetieth day. Immediately fear crept with thoughts like "You tried before and it didn't work" and "You won't even make it tonight".
Fortunately, something other than me took over at that moment. It was when I got drawn into something I couldn't understand as the next 120 days went by. In fact, after the twenty-first day, I stopped counting. I didn't check off the calendar until I finally got a drink. Why? Probably because I knew in my heart that the steady drop of wine every night just didn't serve me, my purpose, my body or my paperback.
Why was this time different? Because I saw it as something that I had to "do" instead of "do". I saw it as a gift rather than a cleaning.
What is the other side of a toxic relationship with alcohol? More than I can imagine. Every morning I wake up thinking, "I'm so happy." It's like I've captured more time in my day and there is a sense of holiness in every moment.
I've seen candlelight sunrises, baked banana bread before going to bed, and done more until 8 am than ever before after 5 pm.
I finished a Netflix show without falling asleep … and actually remembered what I saw.
I've shed 20 pounds.
I wake up hydrated.
My skin seems to have reversed a la Benjamin Button over time.
The list goes on and on.
The other day my mother paid me a compliment that made me cry … in a good way.
She said, "You know, it's like your skin, your hair … you look like you used to when you were younger."
I used wine for so long to suppress unwanted feelings of fear and overwhelm. While I thought I was "taking the edge off", I was actually making myself nervous!
These days, I plan my fun based on how I want to feel the next morning. What I discovered is that taking a break from happy hour can literally change not only the other 20 tour hours of your day but your life as well.
When you have enough energy and vitality to enjoy the day, you can find little miracles everywhere in the form of simple joys, a present conversation with a friend, or a moment that might have thrown you into a vortex … but now you breathe it with patience and grace.
People often ask me, "Have you ever had a glass of wine … ever?"
Probably every two weeks or so when I'm socially (and socially distant) with my family or friends. I enjoy it yes and no. In fact, the few times I've had a glass or two ran out of energy for me. It's now a "take it or leave it" sort of thing.
In fact, it is as if moderation induces you to abstain.
Why? Because I'm no longer willing to sacrifice how good I feel for alcohol the next morning.
I also indulge in reducing fear! Why should I want to return to something that created the very experience that made me suffer emotionally?
Yes, there are people who can drink every day and who work well, and there are people who cannot drink at all. And then there are people like me who know that alcohol is not the kind of friend they want to hang out with every day, but maybe in very small doses from time to time.
Drinking is marketed as sexy, elegant and uniform.
Is it sexy to blur your words? Is stumbling out of a restaurant elegant? Don't you remember the conversation you had with a friend?
The reality for me was that alcohol made me drained, grumpy, and even a little sick. How you feel creates your day and essentially your life. So if you feel cluttered and you happen to wake up, you are creating a crowded and random day.
I woke up and ran into the kitchen. Waiting for me was the only thing that would decide whether to beat myself up or pat myself on the back. Like the scales, the opened bottle of wine often determined whether I was “good” or “bad” the day before.
Only a quarter of the bottle left? Bad girl!
Three quarters left? Good girl
So much time, energy and thinking went into the act of drinking!
In the end, bedtime is the best of all.
Four hours of alcohol-free sleep is much more rejuvenating than nine hours of alcohol-containing sleep. Waking up to your body humming (in a good way!) Is the best high of them all.
When your inner voice asks for a pause, it may be time to listen.
Sweet dreams.
About Meg Daly
Meg Daly is an ICF certified coach, blogger, creator of the podcast "Tranquility Talk" and founder of the 30-day reset "Sober Tranquility" for people who are ready are experimenting with re-evaluations of their relationship with alcohol. You can download her Favorite Treats: 20 Things To Drink Other Than Alcohol by clicking here.
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