"Until you have loved an animal, part of your soul does not stay awake." ~ Anatole France
Unconditional love.
The thought of my cats envelops me with warmth when I think of them.
Why? Because we are so connected. It is an ethereal thing. Beyond Words. Beyond reality. Beyond rationality.
When I hold them, I feel so spiritually connected. They stretch when I start scratching their backs to signal that they like it. A welcome sign that I should continue.
They stare with their mysterious eyes. Your eyes are hard to read. Still, they tell you a lot of things. They open the floodgate of emotions. I to them and back. You don't have to be able to speak. I can understand these tiny meows. That sigh. Even that imperceptible smile. And all because of the special bond we have.
The inner joy they give is incomparable when I play with them.
You may not be as active as dogs, but it's the sweetness that melts me.
As soon as I touch them, they begin to fuse their bodies with mine and tell me not to let go.
Sometimes they are far away. Her snobby attitude makes me laugh. Especially when they ask for something and I hold it back. I stare back. I tell them "no". But her eyes meet my soul. Saying "no" for a long time is not an option.
If I don't feel well, they know it. They lie down next to me. You stay calm next to me. You try to take the disease away. You are a partner and supervisor.
It is lucky to be with them! It seems to be mutual. In fact, I can't last a day without my fur babies. Nor her, me.
A month to forget
Then came the dreaded month of 2013. In October this year, my two most popular babies died.
I was devastated. My grief was instant. It was raw. It hurt like hell.
I started to question the concept of goodness and fairness in life. How can the universe be so cruel? How can people deal with the onset of grief that can come over us so suddenly? Will our life ever be the same again? Can we ever recover from the all-pervading feelings of sadness and return to these blissful feelings of the unconditional?
How can the source of my joy now be the source of my grief? How can it be that the reason for my existence is now the reason for my annihilation? How is it that my healing is now my pain?
Ironic, isn't it?
Life is unfair.
The joy that comes to us is always temporary.
You can say I'm exaggerating. It's just a cat, a pet, an animal. You can always replace one with another.
But I tell you, that is easier said than done. For those of us who are animal lovers and are alone, a pet is like a miniature human. Many people won't understand that. It can be difficult to understand. Difficult to accept. But yes, our animals can replace humans in many cases to ensure comfort and safety.
But that's life. This is how the cycle of life develops. You are born, you die. It goes on and on and on. And it is up to us to accept this and continue. At some point we have to let go. Let go. Otherwise we can be involved in the devastation of loss and grief.
That is grief. It’s so painful. More painful than losing an object or a career. It goes beyond physical pain. It is an eternal thing how a piece of your heart goes with them.
Grief almost killed me.
But I realized that it is only a phase. It is a door to a better place. It is a key to unlock your hidden courage.
Sometimes you have to worry. Let go of negativity and let positivity enter your life. As they say, you have to empty yourself so you can pour more love into it.
Grief is more than a painful phase. It can teach you lessons that add to the missing puzzles in your life. Lessons that make you stronger; that will make you a better person. Ultimately, that will bring strength and resilience.
And during this painful journey, I thought about these lessons that changed my view of life.
Lesson 1: Cry if you have to.
Never apologize for screaming your heart out. Most of us feel ashamed when we cry. We usually don't want others to see us when we cry. Society taught us that crying is a sign of weakness.
No way.
It is an exit for your emotions. Crying means letting go of all negative feelings that kill your soul. Isn't it that we all feel better after crying? As if a huge stone had been lifted from our chests?
I learned that when my cats died. I howled. I cried a lot. I cried every day. I cried almost everywhere. Whenever I saw cats, tears fell from my eyes. I let my tears soak me. It only seemed natural at the time.
Until the sadness has disappeared. Until my eyes got dry. Sometimes I still cry when I remember her. But I was never ashamed of my crying.
Lesson 2: Every being is precious.
"Don't be a fool, it's just a cat!"
"Don't waste your time with these animals."
"You can always replace them."
These are some of the things I heard when I mourned. People grinned. You didn't laugh at me directly. They thought I was crazy to grieve these beings.
"What makes her less of a precious being that I shouldn't mourn her?"
I wanted to say that to those who mocked me at the time. Because for me every being is precious. Humans and animals alike. For me, everyone who loved me and felt so special is as valuable as a human person.
My cats were so generous in making me feel love, warmth, joy. They made me feel special. Isn't that enough evidence that these beings are precious?
And because of them I learned to recognize the value of every being. Whether it's someone else, my neighbor's pet, an old person, or a child. All of these beings are precious. They all play an important role. They all contribute to my being.
I believe that every person or animal that we meet in the course of life contributes something to our life. Everyone you met on your life journey has an impact. They create a wave effect that multiplies into larger waves until everyone in your circle feels the impact. We're all connected somehow, even if we don't recognize it.
Lesson 3: Reality Bites.
I was rejected for quite a while. I have always convinced myself that I am fine and that I can get the hang of it.
But when I was alone at home, the silence almost killed me.
Where are these naughty meows?
Where do these tiny fur babies cuddle at my feet?
Where do these eyes stare at me and call for attention?
The thought of these memories haunted me. There is this big hole in my heart that seemed to widen over the days. In fact, reality bites. The pain grew worse as the days wore on. The feeling of missing her tore me apart. Reality had certainly bitten hard.
In a painful situation, denial can make you feel good, but only temporarily. Denial does not alleviate the reality of what is. It will bite you so hard and so deep that it can no longer heal pain. Sooner or later you have to face reality. Feel the grief. Feel the overwhelming pain and sadness of losing part of your soul. But you mustn't let the poison of reality kill you. You have to allow healing to appear.
Lesson 4: It's okay not to be okay.
You don't owe anyone an excuse just because you don't feel okay.
In the midst of this painful grief phase, life had to go on. I had to go to work. I had to get out. I had to do my job. And I had to keep breathing.
There were times when I survived the day, but there were times when the feared feeling of being out of order stopped me. As I wish I could just feel these things if I was safe at home. Or the night before I went to sleep so no one could see my weakness.
Most of the time, this feeling paralyzed me to the point that I could no longer continue my work or what I was doing at the time. Sometimes I couldn't speak. When I pushed myself to make contacts, I insulted someone. It's good that my loved ones understood what I was going through.
I'm telling you it's okay to be wrong. You are not the only person who has felt this. Confirm it when it comes. Greet it with open arms. Then let it disperse in its own time
But here's the thing. The feeling of being out of order will eventually be temporary. Definitely immerse yourself in the feeling, but don't let yourself wallow in self-pity so you can't recover.
Lesson 5: Grief itself is medicine.
People tend to ignore this phase. If you've lost a loved one, pretend nothing has happened. They pretend that they have already recovered. Well, it's okay to have that attitude. But I tell you, it is better to allow yourself to experience grief.
Grief can be your healing pill. Just like a pill, it tastes awful at first, but if you make progress you'll get the hang of taking it. Somewhere in your subconscious mind it is registered that the pill of grief is really medicine and that it is good for you to learn what life offers in emotional enrichment. Until you have reached the recovery phase and no longer need the pill.
That is why I recognized my grief. I was aware of what I was going through. I recognized his presence every day. And then one day I healed and woke up refreshed.
Lesson 6: Grief is temporary.
If there is one thing that is permanent in this world, it is "temporary". Is that not correct?
The reason why I allowed myself to suffer grief is that I knew it wouldn't take forever. I thought it was just a part of my life that I had to go through.
For these times I missed my cats and suddenly felt bad. I somehow knew it was a temporary feeling. During this time I saw people playing with their cats and suddenly I felt envy, somehow I knew that this feeling was only temporary. In times when I just have to think about my cats and want to isolate myself from the world, I realize that this is only temporary.
Grief is temporary. Sooner or later everything will fall into place. You will get through sooner or later. However, "temporary" can be a short time or an eternity.
No matter what, you will get through
The road to recovery may be long, but there is no other way around it. I even said to myself that I would never give myself a cat again after this dreaded loss.
Days, weeks, months passed.
Four months later I cuddled two fur babies again. They were my medicine for full recovery.
I find myself back to my old self. This person who loves to cuddle cats. This person who enjoys playing with cats. This person who regards cats as a family.
I have just noticed that this is how the cycle of life develops. We lose something, we gain something. We love, we hurt. We are tortured, but eventually we get healing.
It became clear to me that I had to accept life as it is. Even when I take things in my hands and try to manipulate an end and push myself against the tide, I am always swept back to where I should be. Life regulates these things for you.
This is grief.
So you lose a lover.
So you fall and stand again.
Mourn if you have to. It is part of life. To grow. To move forward.
And everything will happen.
And unconditional love? Oh it's back. Together with my two new cats.
About Celine Healy
Celine Healy is a stress and wellness specialist at Wellness That Works. Your five-step model for a holistic mind-body approach to wellbeing is based on the premise that you first need to change how you respond to stress, and then deal with the other layers. Celine is enthusiastic about implementing simple, simple and natural remedies for the wellbeing of body and mind. Celine lives in Australia with her two cats.
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