I can't count the number of calls and emails I've received in the last year, in addition to the many times I've been asked (of course, of course) to speak on the same topic: How can We help People to cope during the pandemic. In fact, I spoke to a group about this issue for the second time recently last year.
Who could have known that this pandemic would last so long and how our lives would be disrupted? We are all tired. Not only do I have to help my clients manage their fatigue, but I also focus on the needs of my clinicians and supervisors. Nobody is immune.
There is no single answer on the best way to deal with it. As with almost all mental health issues, we encourage our clients to eat right, sleep right, and exercise. That's what I call Moffatt's mantra. Treatments for depression, anxiety, grief, and a host of other common diagnoses must include these three common components.
But beyond that the coping is idiosyncratic. Things that bring me peace can cause stress and vice versa. For example, I've just finished a five-day business trip to the Gulf Coast. I lived in a luxury estate, had a private cook for dinner, and otherwise ate catering. All of the refrigerators were stocked with almost anything you can think of. I was paid very well, my workload was light, and I had plenty of time sailing, deep sea fishing, and the beach.
But I don't like the beach. I prefer to be in the mountains. I also find it very difficult to relax when working, even in luxury accommodations like the ones I've experienced. I sleep happiest in my own bed. I may be the only person who wouldn't find this counseling journey relaxing, but I'm very introverted. Social events make me feel drained and I'm always "on" when I'm in such an environment.
As strange as I am, I am not alone in my idiosyncrasies. Some of you reading this may list coping skills that perhaps no one else would find helpful. In other words, we shouldn't assume what a healthy coping strategy or stress relief technique would be for our clients. Our customers need to teach us these facts.
So here is the physics lesson. The individual spokes on a bicycle are pretty weak. Even a child could easily bend one. A bicycle with only one spoke wouldn't go very far. In fact, the weight of the bike alone would crush that single spoke. However, if you put multiple spokes around the rim – several dozen of which will share the load – the bike will support its own weight and that of the rider. And the suppleness of these spokes – the ones a child could bend – helps the repairer rotate the rim so that it doesn't wobble.
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Photo of bicycle wheels with spokes
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This brief excursion into physics teaches us something about coping. If you asked the bike specialist which language is most important, they would laugh. All the spokes are important and must work together. Our ability to deal with stress, frustrations, anger, relationship problems, and grief – all exacerbated by the pandemic – is based on multiple strategies that work together. The more the burden is shared, the better.
Even if a strategy – exercise, shall we say – normally works, it may not always work. Healthy coping involves many skills from which one can draw.
A minimum of three clear strategies tailored to the individual is a starting point. We could think of these strategies as the legs of a chair. When there are at least three legs, a stool will stop, and the more legs there are on the stool – like the spokes of a bicycle – the harder it will be for something to break it.
My answer to all of these media questions about how we can help people cope during the pandemic is the same. Examine your own life. What tools, skills and strategies have you found helpful in the past? The longer your list, the more spokes you will have to carry when you feel like you are reaching the point of fatigue.
I train religiously – almost every day, rain or shine – because I know that it helps me to avoid tiredness and depression. I maintain relationships – especially my family relationships. I know they are important spokes in my bike. I need solitude, rest, predictability and routine. These are some of my spokes, and I could even add my own pillow and bed as two others. Even if a lucrative consulting appearance in golf may sound good, I limit it because the limitation of this type of work is also an issue for me.
Know your own spokes and help your customers develop their personal lists. We can't do that for you. With tools open to draw upon, we will move through these very challenging days.
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Gregory K. Moffatt is a 30-year veteran advisor and the Dean of the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences at Point University. In his monthly Voice of Experience column for CT Online, he seeks theoretical, ethical and practical lessons from his diverse career as well as inspiration for today's consultants, whether they are just starting out or have been practicing for many years. His experience spans three decades of working with children, trauma, and abuse, as well as a host of other experiences including working with schools, businesses, and law enforcement agencies. Contact him at [email protected].
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Opinions and statements in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to reflect the opinions of the editors or guidelines of the American Counseling Association.
