"Everything you ever wanted is a step outside your comfort zone." ~ Unknown
We have all seen this or similar quotes. All the magic, growth and transformation seem to be happening there. Not everything that happens outside the comfort zone is magical. So when we hike and leave the safe shores, we also have to be realistic and be aware that there is potential pain and discomfort waiting for us in connection with the good.
If we are aware of this, how can we motivate ourselves to try something new and leave our comfort zone?
On the one hand I love variety and get bored quickly. On the other hand, I am also risk averse and easily afraid. The latter is not exactly suitable for living the great adventures of life, while the former often acts as a motivating kick for my butt.
I am also a very rational, analytical person. I can quickly see the benefits of something. But I also don't like to feel uncomfortable. Although I see that it makes sense to do something, I prefer to avoid voluntarily putting myself in a position that I know I feel uncomfortable with.
With this in mind, I would like to give you some examples from my life in which I left my comfort zone.
I used to be very shy. My mother would tell me that I didn't speak to anyone in kindergarten. As I started talking to others, my shyness continued throughout school – and yet I somehow studied abroad.
I will always remember sitting on the plane, crying my eyes and wondering why in the world I did this to myself. How should I ever make friends? How would I pass my exams in a foreign language? To be honest, it was completely untypical for me – and ended up being the best decision ever.
For my third year at university I decided to spend the year in France. And it was a much easier decision for me because of my previous decision to come to the UK.
A decade later, I was offered a job at work. I literally had no relevant experience for a job. I knew there were many tasks I despised, and the very thought of them made me very uncomfortable (sales and networking, to name just two).
As you can imagine, I said yes. And again it was an excellent move for me. I learned so much, and although it was a challenge, I remember thinking that I had never had so much fun with a job before.
In the meantime, I have not counted the number of times I quit one job without immediately having another. In fact, I often had no idea what I wanted to do next.
When I was growing up, I was taught how important it is to be financially independent. I have had many different jobs since I was young and saved the most money. Giving up a secure financial income was a big step for me. Especially since it wasn't that I was bullied or near burnout, or that something else terrible had happened. I had simply decided that I didn't want to do the job in question anymore.
I use these examples to demonstrate how change is always possible and how pushing out of your comfort zone can often prove to be the best decision you have ever made.
One possibility is to jump in at the deep end. But I guess sometimes this can be impossible. I want to share some tricks that have helped me over the years and that have enabled me to do all of the above examples. I think they can help make this transition smoother.
1. No comparison and no judgment
From the moment we are born, the comparison begins and continues throughout school (school reports) and through to work (assessments).
Social media helps remind us of other people's accomplishments, and we may feel that we are not meeting society's expectations. This could result in us either a) setting unrealistic goals for ourselves, or b) giving up before we even start.
Please remember that each comfort zone looks different. What is easy for you could be a challenge for others and vice versa.
Be honest with yourself and find out what you want to work towards and not what others expect from you.
What is really important to you? Setting a goal that feels worthwhile to you makes the difference and motivates you even during the often inevitable lows.
2. Baby steps
We all know that every journey begins with a first step. How about if you make this a tiny baby step? Because it's not that scary, is it? Seriously, start small. Even tiny baby steps that are carried out one after the other (and can rest in between) will eventually lead you to your goal.
Baby steps are not only much less scary, they also help you to keep going. If you try to make big jumps, you are more likely to run out of steam quickly and / or get frustrated because it's so difficult.
Break it. And then break it open a little. Remember you are making progress. It may not be visible to others yet, but you can see it.
3. Say yes now and find out the rest later
This is probably the tactic I use most often. When I started event management, I was invited to speak at a conference. It frightened me. But I knew rationally that it made a lot of sense to say yes on this occasion. For me and the company I worked for back then.
It was really child's play – if I hadn't feared being embarrassed on stage. It was still about four months before the event took place. So I said yes. My reasoning was that I would either let it find out by then or, in the worst case, pull it out (I didn't and it went well, although I was still pretty scared and hardly got any sleep the night before).
If something excites you but also scares you, how about if you say yes now? Trust that you will work out the details over time. That you can ask for help and support. Or that you can change your mind at any time. But don't miss the opportunity.
4. Worst-case scenario planning
Let's be honest: you treat yourself to the planning of worst-case scenarios anyway. You can do it on purpose and mindful as well. What's the worst thing that could really happen? Chances are that it's not that bad at all.
If you do this, you will find that you are fine, even if things are not going as you hoped. It also helps take action to avoid some of the more likely scenarios that you want to avoid. So many victories in this one!
5. Can you feel it?
After surrendering to your pessimistic side, it's time to focus on the positive again. Leaving your comfort zone is not just something you do, but because you crave something that's out there. Your famous WHY.
Why is that your goal at all? What is your motivation? Who do you want to be What do you hope to achieve? And when you get there, how will you feel?
Go all-in and visualize hell out of it! Close your eyes and imagine that you have already achieved it. Really feel it with all its wonderful consequences. It is this feeling and fire that helps you take the next step. Remember what you're looking for on a regular basis.
6. Bring others on board
I have accepted promotions in the past, partly because my superiors have offered me help with the transition. You don't have to go alone. You will not receive brownie points if you do NOT ask for help.
Check in to yourself: is your pride in the way? Is there any part of you who believes that if you do everything on your own, performance will be better and more valuable?
There are certainly times when you benefit from doing things yourself. But when it comes to not doing it at all or with the help of others, is the choice clear?
Surround yourself with people who inspire you. And use the wisdom they have to share. Chances are that somehow people have done what you are trying to do. The wheel does not have to be reinvented.
7. Be your own role model
In an attempt not to be called arrogant, we seem to have gone too far in the other direction. We often practice self-irony instead of highlighting our strengths and successes. But let's face it, you couldn't have made it this far without being learned, grown, and stretched.
Can you name your strengths? Do you have a list of your achievements? What are you proud of?
If you have difficulty answering these questions, I strongly recommend that you take some time to think about it. And as highlighted above: This is YOUR list. No judgment, no comparison, no diminution of what you perceive as your accomplishments just because you believe that society, your family, or friends do not appreciate them.
Can you see with all of this present how you can be your own role model? What strengths have helped you achieve these goals in the past? How can you use them for your current project?
8. Expectations and acceptance
It goes without saying that leaving your comfort zone is probably not an easy sailing. We could experience setbacks, frustrations, stress and ultimately not even achieve our goal. It's all human. Don't let it stop you from trying.
Redefine what success and failure look like. The result may differ from your expectations, but you learned something along the way. At least you've gained resilience.
Accept the discomfort. Be realistic about what the trip will look like and expect some detours. It's all part of it, and I think the biggest disappointment comes from not doing things as planned.
So what changes when you detach yourself from the result, when you practice accepting what happens while you know that you can handle anything that comes in your way?
9. Reward yourself
This is my favorite part! Reward yourself for reaching milestones as small or large as you want. Do everything you can to motivate yourself on this trip. Take a break, rest, adjust the plan, and get more help. Above all, you should acknowledge what you have already achieved. Congratulations on just deciding to make a change.
10th Practice Makes Perfect
This is not a myth, but a fact: it really gets easier with time. At least with each experience you have more on your list of successes to celebrate (step 7), right?
It gets easier, but it doesn't mean that the experience itself is painless or more comfortable. Trust me, every speech still makes me very nervous! But once I've done it, I know I can do it again. Your confidence will make all the difference. Your belief that you can handle it will grow.
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Life is short. I am convinced that we are brought to earth to have a wide range of experiences. You limit yourself when you are not ready to leave your comfort zone. And I really think you're missing something.
I also believe that it helps not to take us too seriously. Very often the consequence we fear most is that we embarrass ourselves when our plans don't work. However, if you think deeply about it, will potential gossip really keep you from pursuing your dreams? And since I like a good, cheesy quote, let me end with this:
"What if I fall? Oh but darling, what if you fly? "~ Erin Hanson
About Karen Schlaegel
After a career in event management, Karen started her life counseling business. It helps people activate their strengths, identify their goals, work towards them and generally move through life with more ease, happiness and fun. After eight years in London, she moved to Bavaria and offers coaching online and in person in English and German. karenschlaegel.com / instagram.com/karen_schlaegel.
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