"Mental health is as important as physical health." ~ Unknown
Our main focus in this challenging time is rightly on our physical well-being. But we shouldn't forget our mental health, as these are stressful times for all of us.
Are we getting sick?
Will our loved ones die?
Will we have enough food to support the family?
How will we pay the bills?
How long do we have to stay?
Will things ever normalize again?
So many questions, so many concerns.
Worries kept me awake at night. It took up every space of my mind every waking minute. I always felt on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I didn't feel like I could handle life at all.
My life was like this for many years until I started to understand myself better. I have healed my past trauma and learned to respond effectively and compassionately to myself.
Some of what I learned helped a lot in this time of uncertainty and unpredictability. This has led me to experience good mental health with balanced moods, resilience in the face of challenges and solid emotional regulation skills.
And let me tell you, I was pretty much the opposite before, so these mysteries of mental health really work. I would like to share it with you so that you too can benefit from it, because emotional wellbeing can help us to master the challenges ahead.
Mental Health Booster # 1: Be present
When I was worried and crippled with fear, I was caught in my head. I followed every thought as if a puppy was chasing a squirrel. It was too tempting and I couldn't resist. One fearful thought led to another, and I went down the slippery slope of worry. I never ended up in a comfortable place.
Being caught in my thoughts meant that I wasn't present enough to take care of myself, so I didn't know how I felt or what I wanted. I was just stressed out while stagnating in my life.
Being trapped in your head right now may look like worrying about your health or that of others, watching the news, and feeding your mind with increasingly creepy updates. Perhaps you can feel yourself turning and your fear increasing. Maybe you're obsessed with media coverage and forget about everything else.
These are examples of not being present.
Being present means being fully in the moment. It is not distracted, but deals with what is.
Instead of filling my thoughts with worrying messages, I tend to do what's going on right in front of me. I can play with my baby, cook for my children or take a warm bath. In this way, I am there physically and emotionally, which helps me to stay out of my head.
In difficult times, I pay particular attention to emergency signals such as shallow breathing, wobbling or a tight chest. I no longer see them as something that additionally worries me, but as signs that draw my attention to a break.
I take a break and become silent. I'm starting to be there for myself.
I reconnect with what is going on around me. I grounded myself in my body. I focus on my breath.
I'm slowing down. I will be present.
Then the anxious voices disappear in my head, my little worried warts.
Mental Health Booster # 2: Feel and confirm your feelings
We all experience an increase in uncomfortable feelings in challenging times. If we have to stay at home, there are fewer distractions to distract us from anxious thoughts and difficult emotions.
We can easily feel overwhelmed by our feelings.
I remember many times in my life when it felt like the walls were approaching me while something terribly painful was trying to break out of me. I felt hot and panicked. I didn't know what to do and was worried that I was going to lose my mind.
I had avoided and fought my emotions for so long that I did not understand them. I was afraid of her. I used all my energy and effort to suppress it, but sometimes I could not keep up in difficult times
The additional stress was just too much.
One day I read that we should feel our feelings. Wait WHAT?
ghost. Blown.
I had fought my feelings all my life and had run away from them, and now I was told that if I ever wanted to get better I had to feel my feelings.
So I started making it happen. It wasn't comfortable and it wasn't easy, but it was worth it because I realized that it was so painful to resist my feelings.
I learned that I had to stop telling myself that I shouldn't feel how I felt, that I was ridiculous, that I was too sensitive, and so on. I have invalidated myself. I felt ashamed of feeling whatever I felt.
I was wrong because I felt all the time. No wonder I felt overwhelmed when I experienced something that I judged to be shameful!
The invalidation of our feelings is detrimental to our mental well-being. It undermines our self-esteem and makes us feel broken and flawed. It separates us from ourselves and we start making the wrong decisions because we no longer know how we feel and what we want.
To remain sane in difficult times, you must feel your feelings and allow yourself to process them, which means not fighting or avoiding them.
It also means that you have to learn to confirm your feelings. This means that you normalize and empathize.
You do this by saying to yourself that it is okay to have this feeling, and that anyone with the thoughts you think or the type of experience you have would feel like you feel. Tell yourself it's okay. That is reassuring in itself.
For example, I have recently had anxious thoughts about the health of my loved ones. I am worried that they will get sick or worse. Instead of fighting my worries, I confirm my fears and calm down.
I can see that it is natural to worry about losing those you love, and that the fear I feel is a result of these kinds of thoughts. My fear is therefore completely normal under the given circumstances and I do not have to regard it as a problem that is in itself calming and reduces my fear.
Mental Health Booster # 3: Get involved with something useful
Learning to not make our emotions problematic creates the space we need to deal with something meaningful, something that is important to us, something that we enjoy.
And what is really important for our spiritual well-being in difficult times is to get involved in something that is important to us.
We can choose something funny, something stupid, something creative, something carefree. We can come up with new projects or focus on being productive in some way. We can improve our relationships by having fun or taking care of each other. We can play with our children.
Whatever it is, choose something. Be present and deal with it.
It will distract you from things. It will give you a break.
Don't let a difficult situation restrict and restrict you.
This is not about denying or avoiding the reality of a difficult situation. It is about preserving the mental energy required to be as effective and compassionate as possible.
And a large part of maintaining our mental energy and health is to keep a sense of goals in the face of a crisis.
This is something that most of us have in common: We all want to feel that we are useful in some way, that we have a purpose, that we do something valuable.
And there are so many different things we can do to have this experience. But to do this, we need to have space in our thoughts, which requires us to practice being present, feeling our feelings, and affirming them.
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I hope these three mental health boosters help you as much as they helped me. I am grateful that you have read this, as this is my meaningful contribution that allows my mind to focus on something that I find valuable and pleasant.
About Marlena Tillhon
Marlena helps people who struggle in relationships due to code-keeping, insecure attachment and unresolved trauma to develop and change in such a way that they finally get the love they have need. She works as a psychotherapist, relationship trainer and clinical director and loves to connect on Instagram or through her Facebook group and page Love with Clarity. She is an expert in human relationships and sees her as the elixir of life for a meaningful existence.
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