It is heartbreaking to read the multitude of articles circulating about vulnerable people trapped with their abusers at home due to protection mandates during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Unfortunately, experience reminds us of a worrying reality that is typical of these uncertain times: unfavorable labor market conditions are positively linked to domestic violence. Research conducted after the Great Depression in the 1930s, the Farm Crisis in the 1980s, and the Great Recession of 2008 found that economic crises have a significant negative impact on the quality of intimate relationships and parenting in working families. Marital conflicts, abuse (especially violent control behavior) and a deterioration in the quality of parents are among the deleterious effects of a macroeconomic downturn in families.
In my role as a trauma therapist, I have seen dozens of clients of domestic violence during clinical admission and counseling. I have also read a variety of articles on the subject of studies and reports from different parts of the world. Shelter-in-place mandates are not a good thing for women and children who are victims of abuse. The predictive fear and insecurity of these times can lead to negative emotions migrating, leading to behaviors that increase the already worrying number of cases of domestic violence and child abuse. Of course, there is no “how-to” manual to deal with the current situation, but the security of this vulnerable population requires that we do our best.
How can the counseling community help domestic violence prisoners trapped with their abusers at home? I offer some suggestions:
Reach between appointments / meetings. One of the critical signs of abuse is the isolation of victims of domestic violence from their networks of love and support. Checking in from time to time can enable these customers to tell us more about their situation and possibly even stop their perpetrators from further violence while we continue to check in.
Listen, just listen. People who are subjected to domestic violence need an empathic ear – someone who enables them to let go of their suppressed feelings and emotions without judgment. We can't give advice, just listen and empathize. It is only time to build trust.
Review customers' feelings, emotions, and beliefs, even if they don't make sense. The best way to build trust with clients who are exposed to domestic violence is to be present with them. We are present with them through our representative empathy, active listening and compassionate confirmation. Our empathy is representative because it takes an emotional toll to connect with a person's fear and suffering. Active listening requires that we be disciplined enough to focus fully on what the customer is saying, not the answer we may have on their situation. Clients exposed to domestic violence need validation – compassionate validation – because their decisions (or lack thereof), circumstances, and beliefs often don't make sense to us.
Introduce them to mindfulness exercises. Clients who are exposed to domestic violence live in a world of fear and fear due to the abuse cycle. At first, they are concerned about their confusion and inability to understand and control the beginning abuse. As the abuse increases, worry turns into fear and fear.
Mindfulness can help these clients become aware of their feelings, thoughts, and bodies in order to take control of them and find the much needed relaxation. Meditation exercises should not necessarily be long. There are many websites online with short, simple exercises, from breathing to stretching, that can help clients gain the physical and emotional awareness they need to function.
Remind customers of their strengths and qualities. One of the advantages of active listening is the ability to notice in customer stories what they have forgotten about themselves: their own strength, qualities and strengths. In this way, we help clients not only to survive their circumstances, but also as survivors of domestic violence who deserve a life with meaning and purpose, to find a better future.
Help customers start a project. Due to protective mandates, more and more abusers are at home. This increases the emotional state of "walking on eggshells" for domestic violence clients. We can help distract these customers from this condition by brainstorming them or suggesting a project. It could be an individual project based on their skills, strengths and qualities that we have noticed in their stories, or it could be a project in which their children are involved.
Supporting customers in drawing up a security plan. Creating a security plan is incredibly useful. It doesn't have to be complicated or lengthy. The easiest way to do this is to help these clients become aware of their circumstances (name the problem what it is – domestic violence). The rest of the plan could include:
Trying to avoid conflicts and arguments during foreclosure
Involve their children in most of their domestic activities
Reach relatives and trusted friends (if possible)
Be ready to go at any time (i.e. have money, documents, car keys, children's backpacks with clothing and snacks ready)
Call 911 if they feel they or their children are in danger (even in a situation where they are seeking protection, law enforcement agencies will issue an emergency protection order to separate victims from their abusers).
Include others. We can help our clients who are exposed to domestic violence to think about the resources they have to deal with their situation. One of these resources could be men who are in some way part of the couple's life (e.g. clergy, friends, relatives, co-workers, classmates, teachers, bosses).
When families and friends get involved, abusers can sometimes be prevented from harming their partners and children. The presence of fathers, brothers, neighbors and friends leads to accountability. Some of these people may be willing to offer their support and speak out against the ongoing abuse. Victims of domestic violence can only break their silence and become survivors if they feel supported. However, we need to be careful and see each client in their context and consider whether this type of intervention could make them more dangerous than they already are.
Help customers build a support network. Isolation is one of the most critical signs of abuse. A hated dependency on the perpetrator arises. The isolation imposed robs victims of domestic violence of their personality. Bit by bit, it suppresses their voice and identity when family members and friends are pushed away. Connections are the easiest way to defeat domestic violence. It is important that victims of domestic violence are re-associated with relationships they trust. It is also important to connect these clients with other survivors of domestic violence (through online groups) so that they can achieve their victory and begin the healing journey from the trauma caused by the abuse.
Inspire customers to take care of themselves. Studies show that if women's wages are in proportion to those of men in double-income couples, domestic violence is significantly reduced. Being self-sufficient means having bargaining power. It is the ability to influence the relationship. There is public funding to help survivors of domestic violence continue to educate themselves to take care of themselves. Ask social services about these resources.
These recommendations are not intended to override the urgency of calling 911 when someone at home is exposed to a clear and present danger. Let law enforcement officers find out how to get individuals and families to safety in on-site situations. Emergency protection orders are issued even in closed courts.
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Federico Carmona is a trauma therapist for victims of domestic and sexual violence at Peace Over Violence in Los Angeles. He is also an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church. The experience of domestic abuse in his ministry and in his own family motivated him to specialize in clinical counseling, particularly trauma, to help survivors of domestic and sexual abuse and violence, their identity, their peace and their lives with dignity and recover purpose. Contact him at [email protected].
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