“In the past I didn't like being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single feature and you take away the essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my empathy, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation for the little things, my lively inner life, my keen awareness of the pain of others and my passion for everything. "~ Caitlin Jap
Not surprisingly, given my sensitivity, I had trouble adjusting as I grew up in the noisy and bustling 1970s, a decade not known for its subtlety.
I was unbearably sensitive and was relentlessly teased for crying or overreacting to things.
If I did not understand something what Teacher was trying to tell me, I would cry. If friends wouldn't play with me, I would cry even more. I would be obsessed with anything anyone said to me. No wonder then that I was a lonely and friendless child, as everyone had to feel like they had to walk around me on eggshells.
There were countless anxious school lunches when I clutched my blue plastic tray and tormented myself about whether someone would sit with me or not. They rarely did.
PE sessions were another agony as the team leaders naturally selected everyone but me to join their team. I do not blame them. I didn't have the competitiveness and confidence to win. My classes were mostly spent alone on a table and most of the breaks were spent hiding from my exuberant colleagues.
I lived life through the lens of my heart. I couldn't part with anyone or anything. Unable to set boundaries, I didn't know where I ended and other people began.
This theme of not fitting into my adult life continued. If only I'd understood sooner that I had to stop adapting. I had to educate myself about what it really means to be a sensitive soul. Someone who notices things, thinks deeply and cares about others and how they feel.
Dig deep enough and there is a lot of research to show that being sensitive and feeling your way through life is a strength. You understand that your empathy and intuition have healing and transformative powers and are a source of connection and creativity.
If you think that being sensitive means being a shy "cry baby", you have seriously misunderstood that (although many sensitive people cry a lot). This is just one of several common and frustrating misconceptions about sensitivity:
1. Sensitive people are all shy and introverted.
There are also sensitive extroverts – about 30 percent of sensitive people are extroverts. Sensitive people usually take time to recharge on their own after being in an overstimulating environment, much like introverts, but they may still receive energy from being with other people. That said, they need to find the right balance between social time and downtime so that they feel connected but not drained.
2. Sensitive are fragile, ineffective "snowflakes".
Many characteristic traits of sensitive people, such as empathy, passion and creativity, make them exceptional managers or influencers on the world stage, for example Walt Disney, Jacinda Arden, John Lennon and Princess Diana, to name but a few.
3. Sensitive people are weaklings who have no firm convictions.
Empathy is a defining characteristic of sensitive people, but it is not a confirmation of another person's point of view. Rather, it is simply a matter of respecting that point of view and listening to it. You can affirm and respect a person's perspective and still choose to live by your own principles.
5. Sensitivity is a problem for women.
Up to 50 percent of the sensitive are men. Boys and men are often taught to hold back emotions in order to appear tough, strong, and manly. However, this often leads to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem – because no one can choose not to be sensitive. They are ashamed of their sensitivity, but they need to understand that real men cry.
6. Gay men tend to be sensitive.
This is a social stereotype that equates being gay with femininity, and as mentioned above, sensitivity is not a feminine issue.
7. Highly sensitive people are prone to depression and anxiety.
There may be an increased risk of anxiety, but depression is a disease that needs treatment and many factors contribute to the likelihood of it occurring. Lack of self-esteem and acceptance, regardless of whether a person is sensitive or not, can also increase the risk of depression.
8. There is a strong link between hypersensitivity and autism.
People with autism may have sensory problems, e.g. B. when they find things like bright lights or loud noises overwhelming. However, this does not mean that everyone with sensory problems will have autism. There are big differences between high sensitivity and autism, but mostly autism comes with “social deficits” (less reaction in empathic regions of the brain) and high sensitivity does not.
9. Sensitive people are too weak and self-doubtful to become effective leaders, to assert themselves against narcissists or to succeed in a harsh and critical world.
Not so. Once they're equipped with confidence and the tools and techniques to turn their gentleness into strength, sensitive people are an unbeatable force.
10. All empaths are sensitive.
Sensitive people are empaths because they feel what others feel. But not all empaths are sensitive, i. H. They pick up emotions, but not all other stimuli from an environment, as sensitive ones do.
11. Sensitive people have to “tighten up”.
You cannot because it is important to be sensitive to who you are. You are born this way.
I used to buy into all of these negative associations, especially the idea that a sensitive person had to become "harder". You just can't. It's like telling someone taller than average that they should be shorter. Just as being big isn't a mistake, being sensitive isn't a mistake either. Nor is it a disease or a decision that people make. This is how they are born.
According to experts, it is an innate trait whose research indicates that at least three sets of genes can contribute to it. Some highly sensitive people may have all or some of these "sensitive" genes, and fascinatingly, all three affect the brain and nervous system.
Sensitive people are born to be gentle and to experience life on high alert through the lens of their feelings and senses. You are no better or worse than anyone else, just different.
Although they may have common characteristics, they are not all the same. Every sensitive person is unique, just as every person who is bigger than average is unique.
Indeed, the fact that the genetic coding for sensitivity continues to outlive natural selection suggests that for evolutionary reasons it is beneficial for human survival that some humans can see, feel and sense things that others cannot. It offers an evolutionary advantage and exists and will continue to exist because it is the only true force that drives humanity toward greater connection.
Empathy, intuition, creativity, gentleness and compassion are personality traits that unite rather than separate, and they all define traits of the highly sensitive individual.
In short, we are all born with a unique genetic code. The key to living a fulfilling life is not to suppress, deny, or hide our uniqueness, but to get the most out of what life has given us. If you are sensitive it is important that you understand that this is not a weakness. Rather, it is a strength and a potentially healing gift for both yourself and humanity.
About Theresa Cheung
Theresa Cheung is a bestselling author for the Sunday Times. She holds a Masters Degree in Theology and English from King & # 39; s College Cambridge. Her work has been featured in the Daily Mail, Daily Express and The Guardian, and she has appeared on ITV, GMTV, BBC Radio and Russell Brands Under the Skin Podcast. Most recently, Theresa set up her own podcast, White Shores, interviewing some of the world's greatest minds and sharing inspiration for personal growth. More about Theresa here: www.theresacheung.com
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