"Success is a series of small wins." ~ Unknown
You tried everything. Nothing worked. What now?
I was the marketing director of a tech startup and my job didn't bring in the money or traction that it should. I've done everything to improve my results: I've read more books, consulted mentors, changed my mindset and tactics, conducted more field research and experiments, consulted even more books and mentors.
I will not go into details as this is not what this article is about. Suffice it to say, I've done my best to learn from every book, mentor, experiment, and mistake. And I've followed all of the best practices. But after months of unsuccessful efforts, the CEO finally let me go. I did not deny it. Even I would have resigned out of shame for my results.
I was freelance again. After two months of declined or ignored customer conversations, I updated my profile on job search websites. Four months later I was broke and still unemployed. Another month and my landlady would kick me out.
I remember coming one night after another day sending out customer proposals and job applications and going door to door to different stores in different parts of town to offer my services (and storm out of each) past a group of college girls in neat summer dresses. They looked young and carefree all over the world. I was exactly the opposite: hunched over, worried, defeated, alone.
I went home, ate some cereal with milk and poured my feelings on an article. It was the only form of self-comfort I could afford.
At this point in time I have been losing and failing for more than half a year. I've been looking for things like "How to fix a failed career" or "How to recover from failure" or "How to get back up when life brings you to your knees". With many other variations.
And that is going to sound very biased, but I've read almost every article these searches brought up and carried out almost all of their tips. Still, nothing worked.
I was struck by the sobering reality that it is very possible to consistently do your best, to work so damn hard, put your soul into something and fail.
If you are stuck and feel that failure has become your “new normal”, how do you recover and get up again?
Remember what winning feels like.
I once ran a 12 kilometer hill climb. It was my first 12 km run and my first hill climb. I didn't know if I could do it. I was disabled and overweight at the time.
For the first five kilometers I gasped and was ready to give up. But as I kept going, I felt better. My steps flew faster. And I finished the race in the top 20.
There was a moment in the race when I was running uphill. My lungs and legs felt great and I kept overtaking other runners. Eventually I passed all the other runners in sight and ran the trail alone.
There is a clearing at the top of the ascent. I reached the top of the mountain and beneath me blades of tall, soft tiger grass danced with the breeze. The sun was rising. Rays of light shimmered shimmering across the swaying field. The wind blew. I stared into the horizon and the word "triumph" flashed in my head.
Time passed and I finally forgot this memory as I immersed myself in my work. But one night it reappeared when I was eating cereal with milk alone in the darkness of my apartment.
We all have to remember what winning feels like sometimes.
You can't go to an interview or customer presentation and feel like a loser. It would be reflected in your body language, mood, and energy. Soon you'll be walking, talking, and thinking like a loser. Even if you do your best.
So you have to break out. And my experience has taught me that the best way to do this is to secure small victories for yourself.
Ideally, you can make these small profits in the area you are pursuing. Let's say you are trying to attract customers to your company with big brands. When you've got some promising meetings, it's great.
But what if you can't get anything in the area you want? How do I, with my consistently rejected or ignored customer suggestions and applications?
In my case, remembering that 12 km triumph was the first step. If I couldn't get a small win where I wanted it, I can get it elsewhere.
So I ran. Three to four times a week. And for every run I would set myself a goal: Maybe finish a difficult 10 km distance in one hour or run a pace of six to seven minutes per kilometer for three hours, etc.
Every time I reached my goal, I won small wins. Sure, getting those victories didn't get me a client or a job. But it reminded me of what it feels like to win. Little by little it rebuilt my confidence and energy.
Small victories are not empty words of encouragement. You are real. And they helped me believe that I can achieve something again.
How to get up again after continuing failure
1. Accept that it is possible to fail even if you do your best.
This was the biggest shock for me. I've always believed that if I did my best I would get what I want.
When all of my attempts to start a tech startup, get clients, or work failed, I began to seriously doubt myself. Maybe all of my ideas suck? Maybe everything I do is wrong
Maybe I have the Midas note, but vice versa; Everything I worked on turned to stone, not gold.
Yes, there is probably something wrong with the way I think, the way I've done things, or the kind of solutions I've found. And I had to change and adapt.
But I had to accept that sometimes we don't control everything.
Years later, looking back at my tech startup failure, I found that there were external factors that I couldn't do much about. Accessibility of certain technologies, regulatory norms, readiness of the target market, etc. It was also the first startup I worked with. I had to constantly adapt and find my own solutions. No wonder I failed.
I was also able to defeat what kept me from getting jobs or clients: my stubborn pride. Before the tech startup, I worked almost exclusively with large brand customers. I was young, ambitious, and made a lot of money. Why should I request less? So I only reached out to the biggest clients and only applied for the highest paying jobs.
When the reality of losing my apartment finally entered my head, it was too late. Fortunately, when I passed these college girls in their preppy summer dresses, the piece I wrote was published by a national newspaper. And some kind hearted business owners who read it gave me work (bless them forever). So I survived.
2. Achieve small victories where you can.
When aiming for small victories, try to win against yourself and not against other people.
In this context, do not feed yourself with the feeling of victory by winning against others. First, it's not sustainable. Second, it won't build the confidence you need.
Conclusion: Make small profits from self-imposed goals that are only meant for you and for you. No other people in the picture. No attempt to get someone else's approval. And don't strive for results that you don't control.
I'm currently writing my first novel. I've been working on it for two to four hours a day almost every day for the past seven months. So far I've written three drafts and thrown them away. I'm on my fourth draft and I could throw it away. I feel like a failure for not doing what I set out to do.
So I'm getting small wins on Medium. I started blogging in January and made a commitment to publish at least two articles a month while working on my novel and client work.
Whenever I publish a full article, I feel good about myself. Sure, maybe no one would read or study my posts (apart from a few supportive friends). But I achieved my goal and this little win keeps me going.
If you are reading this now, you may be in the same phase of life. With this, I sincerely encourage you to make small profits. Start small and grow your victories from there. I sincerely wish you all the best. Stay strong! Triumph!
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