“This is the time when people of all faiths and cultures are pushing back against planetary darkness. We put on lightbulbs, light campfires and light candles. And we sing. "- Annita Diamant
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Close-up of a Christmas tree covered with lights and colored ornaments
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The holiday season is just around the corner and navigating safely in the tradition during the pandemic has proven challenging. The current dramatic increase in COVID-19 infections has led to a return to greater restrictions and fewer opportunities to safely meet with family and friends. The United States Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has recommended avoiding internal gatherings involving people outside of our immediate household. An alternative is to gather outdoors, but colder weather makes this more difficult. This limited ability to hang out with loved ones can make this winter look especially dark. We are resilient, however, and as we recall, this is a time of year when the key is to bring light at the core into the darkness.
Traditional winter holidays
Hanukkah also known as the Festival of Lights, is an eight-day Jewish celebration that marks the rededication of the temple in Jerusalem by the Maccabees after their victory over the Syrians. Upon entering the temple to fight, the Maccabees immediately release the ner tamid (eternal light) with a small amount of oil that should have only lasted a day. Miraculously, it took eight days. Celebrities mark this by lighting a candle on each of the eight nights of the holiday.
Kwanzaa is an African American family and community celebration that runs from December 26th to January 1st. The holiday takes into account seven principles: unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economy, purpose, creativity and faith. The candlelighting ceremony plays a central role in Kwanzaa and takes place at a time when all family members are gathered. Seven candles – representing the seven principles – are placed in the kinara (candle holder). From the 26th, a candle is lit every day.
Diwali is a five-day Hindu festival beginning on the 15th day of the month of Kartika (sometime in October or November in the Gregorian calendar). Also known as the "Row of Lights", it symbolizes good that triumphs over evil and light over darkness, and is celebrated with music, dance and lights.
Advent is the time when many Christian denominations prepare for the birth of Jesus Christ with prayers of anticipation, peace and hope. Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas. Part of the observation focuses on the Advent wreath with five candles; one is lit on each of the four Sundays and one in the middle on Christmas Day.
The winter solstice is the first winter day and the longest night of the year. Many of the elements of modern winter vacation come from traditions of earlier solstices. Numerous cultures continue to celebrate this day with various rituals, including lighting candles, campfires, or burning a Christmas log to celebrate the later return of the sun after the coming period of darkness.
Celebrations that focus on light extend across the globe. They mark the eventual return of the sun, new beginnings, and the family embrace. In the midst of the pandemic that reigned this year, finding ways to keep these celebrations alive is more important than ever. Here are four things to consider when planning your vacation.
Managing expectations
Although we are more used to restricting our social activities, it is important to recognize that this year's holiday experience may be very different from previous years. Gatherings (if any) are much smaller and more subdued. Lean into the difference. Plan for change.
Order in – One of my brothers usually hosts our big harvest festival. This year, each family will have their own meal as we adhere to the recommendation to limit gatherings. Since I'm a vegetarian and no one in the family trusts my ability to cook a turkey, I ordered our turkey meal at a local market so my husband could fill himself up with turkey and sauce while I prepare (and enjoy) my signature side dishes and Desserts.
Drive-by Desserts – Although we don't share meals, I prepare my father-in-law's delicious pumpkin pudding cake and take it to the assisted living facility where he lives. We can gather in front of his bedroom window for a few moments, enjoy a piece of cake and enjoy the precious time we have together.
Zoom Collection – Even though we all have zoom fatigue, we are still so happy to have the opportunity to see loved ones in "real time". Zoom in on your meals. FaceTime while walking after a meal. Enjoy a phone call over coffee and dessert. Connect with your loved ones.
Traditions are important
Now, more than ever, it is important to connect with that which strengthens our identity and our heritage. Traditions are important!
Decorating – Christmas decorations are part of the experience and this year we are motivated to decorate the halls earlier in the season. Trees are pruned. Exterior lights are hung up. Neighborhoods hold decorating competitions to spark engagement in the neighborhood. Host your own virtual tree pruning party. Create an environment that welcomes celebrations and holiday delights.
Create Socially Aware Adventure – What activities are traditions in your family? Do you sing vacation songs? Do you have a puzzle that the family informally gathers around, placing puzzle pieces and sharing stories? On loan from a creative neighbor of mine, I initiated a Family Jigsaw Puzzle Frenzy. I sent the same puzzle to every family. When everyone has received it, we'll join Zoom and officially start the puzzles. During the vacation, family members record their progress with pictures and videos. Awards are given for the first completed puzzle, the most recently enjoyed, the funniest photo or the most memorable puzzle moment. The most important part of this endeavor is for families to realize that while we cannot be physically together, we can still have fun together when we are apart. Be creative!
Cooking holiday food – Every year I make my mother-in-law's famous gingerbread recipe for my husband and his family. She passed away a long time ago, but this recipe recalls a time when my mother-in-law was there, the family was all together, and the holiday magic was infused with the aromatic spices. This year, care packages of these delicious biscuits are being given as a reminder of a simpler time and in the hope of our gatherings soon.
Making music – Music calms and inspires. Turn on that Christmas music and let it ring. Sing out loud. Grow family and friends for a sing-along vacation. Ride on Christmas carols in your neighborhood. Allow the magic of music to be part of your vacation.
Connect – This is the year for Christmas cards and letters. Bring out beautiful stationary. Write the annual family letters. Insert a tea bag into a card and invite the recipient to share tea time with you. If you don't want to send paper cards, consider e-cards or video greetings. Call people you think of but have not spoken to in eons. Text "just think of you" random messages.
Travel within
The holidays are a perfect time to think and reflect. Follow nature's example and take the time to travel within.
Meditate – Take the time to calm your mind and experience silence. Breathe in the calm and breathe out everything that does not serve you. Create an interior where the Christmas lights shine brightly.
Be grateful – Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is powerful. This year has presented many challenges. Despite these obstacles, are there things for which you are grateful? For example, during these difficult times, I am incredibly grateful for the comfort of my home, the food on my table, and a warm bed at night. In addition, I was able to use telemedicine as a consultant and continue to see my customers. I am incredibly grateful for the work that I am privileged to do.
Journal – This is a great time to get pen on paper and jot down thoughts from the year. Review the challenges, possibly the losses, and watch how you feel about these concerns. Notice how resilient you are to have survived and possibly the difficulties 2020 brought with it. Describe how you navigated this unprecedented year and enjoy your resilience.
Keep the Faith
The holidays are also a time to enter into a person's beliefs and understanding of hope, peace and community.
Read Inspirational Words – Minimize hearing and viewing information that creates fear and division. Focus on literature and media that are encouraging and consistent. Sacred texts, inspirational podcasts, positive and hopeful films can plant seeds of hope and renewal.
Pay it forward – Alfred Adler knew the value of social interest to general well-being. Send a care package to first responders. Order a meal to be delivered to the local emergency room staff. Pay for a stranger's coffee on the thoroughfare. For example, I took home-baked cookies and treats to the local fire department and police, and left Starbucks gift cards for the mail and delivery staff over the holidays. It doesn't have to be expensive. Volunteers in an animal shelter. Randomly rake your neighbor's lawn. Shovel the snow (yes, we are already seeing snow in some areas) from the sidewalk in front of someone else's house. Create a neighborhood swap by setting up a table in front of your yard and inviting the neighbors to take or borrow your used books, puzzles, or games.
Be the Change – If you want peace, promote unity and connectedness. Invite conversations with people who differ in your beliefs or understanding. Listen with an open mind and heart and leave the space free for differences to be tolerated. If you want hope, cultivate a positive presence with inspiring words and actions. Sponsorship for a family or a child in need. Use your personal power to stand up for those whose voices may be marginalized.
This year was difficult. It has posed many obstacles to endure. However, it has also enabled us to use our skills in terms of patience and innovation. It gave us the opportunity to demonstrate kindness and generosity. It has promoted the development of resilience. Use these skills this holiday season to light the flame of hope and love. To quote the author Hamilton Wright Mabie: "Blessed is the time when the whole world is drawn into a conspiracy of love."
From my family to yours, Happy Holidays!
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Related reading by Cheryl Fisher:
"The advisory expert: Enjoy the holidays by letting go of expectations"
"The advisory expert: Maintaining silence in a noisy world"
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Cheryl Fisher
Cheryl Fisher is a licensed private practice clinical professional advisor based in Annapolis, Maryland. She is the director and assistant professor for the Online MA in Clinical Counseling at Alliant International University California School of Professional Psychology. Her research interests include the study of sexuality and spirituality in young women with advanced breast cancer; nature-informed therapy; and geek therapy. She can be contacted at [email protected].
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