"Health is not just about what you eat. It is also about what you think and say."
A virus is spreading all over the world. Schools are closed. People are unemployed. Grocery stores are empty.
Weddings, graduations, holidays, a day in court – canceled.
This is the ultimate test for emotional resilience.
Uncertainty is one of the main reasons that we emphasize, along with lack of control, and at the moment we have it in truckloads. I have spent the past decade building my mental and emotional resilience to stress and adversity, and yet fighting fear is still a challenge.
I use all the tools in my toolbox.
And they work. So I want to share these tools with you.
1. Talk to someone, but limit the bitch.
It can be cathartic to share the fear, panic and challenges we experience with others. We don't feel alone. It confirms our feelings and makes us feel connected. So talk to someone about what is bothering you.
However, set a time limit to focus on the negative. Maybe ten or twenty minutes each to share. Then it's time to change the conversation.
Here are some pointers:
What's going right
What are you proud of yourself for?
What are you thankful for?
What are you looking forward to?
How are you despite the hardships?
How can you encourage and praise your friend?
If we focus only on the negative, we forget what is going well and then we can only see the bad.
I also find it incredibly helpful to notice how different my body feels when I'm complaining, angry and accused than when I'm grateful and optimistic. You feel tight, hot and heavy. The other feels lighter, looser and more free.
And when I listen to my husband, mother or friends tell me their pain, it is always important to me when they are ready to change the conversation and ask them what is going well. I can hear the tone in their voice change when they make their thoughts positive.
2. Be generous.
This doesn't have to be a monetary gift!
It can be a roll of toilet paper. It can take an hour for your grandmother, who is currently being held in her nursing home without visitors, to do facetiming. It can be offered to pick up and drop off groceries for a neighbor, or to turn them into a plate of enchiladas.
I am three months old and blessed with an abundant supply of breast milk. So donating part of my freezer does not cost me anything, but it can mean so much for a needy mother and child at the moment.
Generosity can even come in the form of good wishes or prayers for others who deal with difficult times.
Giving is scientifically proven to be good for your emotional health.
It activates regions of the brain "that are associated with pleasure, social connection and trust, and creates a" warm glow "effect. It releases endorphins in the brain and creates the positive feeling known as "helper high".
Giving has been linked to the release of oxytocin, a hormone that causes feelings of warmth, euphoria and connection to others.
It has been shown to reduce stress, which not only feels better, but also lowers your blood pressure and other health problems caused by stress.
What can you give now?
3. Take a mental break.
It's so easy to put all of your waxing hours in mental go mode. Especially since our brain longs to be busy or entertained.
Even when we rest, we leaf through Facebook, watch TV or dream.
In the past few weeks I have not taken the time to take my mental breaks. I usually meditate every day, but with a baby who doesn't have a eating and sleeping schedule yet, and with all the extra burdens I have right now, I didn't worry!
So I could feel the fear creeping in. It started in the body. I felt the tension in my muscles. My jaw was firm. The breathing was shallow. And I was irritable!
I know it's time for a mental break when something as simple as my husband, who leaves another towel on the railing, makes me apply for divorce. (Or land in an episode of Dateline!)
So I put my husband on babysitting, ran on the treadmill, tried to focus on my breath, not my to-do list, and showered and directed my attention to the warm water instead of worrying about it how i will come to customers. Then I meditated in my breath for fifteen minutes every time my thoughts centered on daycare and the corona virus.
I felt like I had washed my brain. The tension was gone, my thoughts were clear and I no longer wanted to strangle my husband.
From our fearful place, we catastrophize if we spread our tendency towards negativity. We can only see the negative.
We need these mental breaks to make room for these ruminating thoughts. We have to press the reset button.
A mental pause lasts between 30 seconds and 30 minutes to consciously direct our attention inwards, away from external influences and our flow of thoughts.
We cannot stop the flow of thought, but we can determine when they caught our attention and focus that attention on something in the present moment such as the breath, a mantra or a sound or a visualization.
Here are some ways to take this mental break:
Breathwork
meditation
Time in nature
Walk, play sports or dance
Practice mindfulness
listen to music
Simple breathing space:
Start a recalibration, inhale, hold it, and exhale completely.
Now inhale slowly to four and then hold for a second.
If you stop, you will hear the silence between breaths.
Then exhale to four and hold down for one second.
When you stop, you can feel your mind clear as you watch the space between inhaling and exhaling.
Repeat until you feel relaxed.
4. Allow all feelings.
This stress and fear feel terrible. And it can be difficult to muster the strength and will to try some of the items on this list to make you feel better.
That is okay.
But what can happen is that we run away from the discomfort, try to suppress it with distractions like television or social media, or numb it with wine, food, or drugs.
It is normal to want to avoid pain. Of course, we aim to avoid this. However, if we prevent this pain from flowing, if we do not allow ourselves to feel our emotions, they will get stuck.
Emotions are energy in motion. When you stop, it just fills up. It doesn't go away.
Try this exercise so your emotions can flow:
Take a moment to close your eyes and sit in a quiet room or to hide the distraction as much as possible.
Take a deep breath and slowly exhale.
Pay attention to the physical feelings of stress. Where do you keep it in your body How does it feel?
The next time you exhale, release as much tension as possible.
To repeat:
"I allow these feelings to be present."
"I let these feelings flow through me."
"These feelings don't hurt me."
Now scan your body starting from your head, jaw and neck. Shoulders and hips. Get down on your legs and feet. Relieve any tension you find on the go.
Once you let these feelings exist and flow, the following tool is a fantastic next step towards emotional health.
5. Express gratitude.
We humans have a natural negative tendency. It is a mechanism designed to protect us.
Theoretically, it could be a better tactic to look for dangers to keep us alive than to ignore signs of dangers to focus on politeness. As if you were looking for a mountain lion instead of enjoying a flower bed.
But 99 percent of the time or more, our lives are not in immediate danger. However, the negative trend remains.
As it turns out, gratitude, like generosity, has also been scientifically proven to be good for our emotional health.
It has been shown that people who express gratitude are more optimistic and feel better in their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercise more and have fewer visits to the doctor than those who focus on causes of exacerbation.
Some studies have also shown that people immediately experience a huge increase in happiness and improved relationships.
Here are some ways to express gratitude:
Write a thank you letter or an email
I thank someone mentally
Try a gratitude journal
Pray or meditate on something you are thankful for
6. Ask for help when you need it.
I am so proud that our communities come together, stay at home and help each other. When you need something, there are whole groups of people who are willing and willing to help a stranger. I see it all day in my Facebook feed, people who offer formulas or diapers, food delivery tools or tools, and school class advice.
Fortunately, this pandemic occurred in an era of advanced technological capabilities that allowed us all to connect digitally.
Doctors, teachers and trainers are now available online. From your socially distant home, you can find help right at your fingertips.
Ask. It doesn't make you look weak. They don't impose anyone. People like to be helpful by nature.
Especially when you need help to deal with the fear of our current situation. We don't make good decisions based on a place of fear. Now it is more important than ever to have emotional resilience to get through this tough time and get the other end out as a whole and be ready to move forward.
We'll get through this. Together, even though we are physically separate. I wish you lots of love, luck and light on your journey.
About Sandy Woznicki
Sandy is a stress and anxiety trainer and mindfulness meditation teacher who helps women who don't feel good enough deep inside and who are overwhelmed with stress or anxiety become . Her coaching and free resources, such as the Stress Detox course, help women live more fully and freely. She is happily married to her silly husband and loves to connect with nature in beautiful Maine.
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The Post Stressed and Anxious? Here's how to stay emotionally healthy first appeared on Tiny Buddha.
