“Fear is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you far. "~ Jodi Picoult
Many years ago I worked in the technology sector in Austin, Texas, a large "technology city". I was incredibly focused on building my career and earning a higher and higher salary.
I also have two daughters who were in elementary school at the time. I am divorced and mostly take care of her. Like so many divorced mothers, I've done a lot.
From the time I woke up, I went through a mental list of daily tasks that I continued throughout the day. I didn't want to forget anything. I juggled my private life, my work life and trying to live a private life.
Overwhelmed? Bet it was me?
I often felt like I was rushing from one thing to the next all day. Hurry up to get the kids and me out of the door in the morning. Rush to work.
At work, I would focus on doing everything so that I can get home in time to have dinner and help with my homework. Usually I also had to do housework in the evening.
I hurried to get my daughters to bed on time and hoped that I would have enough time for something "me" to actually relax and have a quiet time before bed.
But I would start thinking about the list of things I had to do the next day, and the cycle would start over.
What I believed was stress. We all hear the phrase "I'm so stressed", especially when we have a lot to do. That described me perfectly. I was always busy, so I was constantly stressed.
At least I thought so.
What I actually suffered from was high-functioning fear.
Highly functioning fear is not a specific type of fear, but a term that refers to fear in which the individual is still highly functional, with the fear "directly below the surface".
Think of high-functioning fear as a hidden fear that others may not even notice that someone is afraid.
Individuals with highly functioning fear are often very successful and tend to perform well. Their fear does not prevent them from doing anything. In fact, their fear can be a reason for their success.
Her fear drives her to do more in both private and professional life. For outsiders they appear composed, competent and often calm.
But inside, people with highly functioning fear spend a lot of time thinking and thinking. They are afraid of failure and worry about what others think of them.
That described me perfectly.
I had never heard of high-functioning fear and had an idea of people with fear as people who are anxious, with big eyes and maybe even shaky or nervous. I thought that people with fear could not function "normally" and that their fear might even weaken.
I never thought that this fear would apply to me at all.
But I am powerful and successful, and fear is a big part of what got me where I was in my life at the time. I had no idea that I was afraid and nobody else.
This constant list of mental tasks that I mentioned? That was a mystery to me. And it wasn't just my daily to-do list that I thought about, it was all.
I thought about my daughters and their schoolwork. I wondered what to do about housework. I've been thinking about other people and their motivations, why they said certain things or why they didn't say things.
My thoughts kept buzzing.
I had such a high goal in mind, particularly in my career, that I was afraid of failure and thought the mental obsessions at work were that I was just “pushing myself” or doing a good job.
Really, I thought that the way I felt was part of my advantage and that people whom I thought were less successful were lazy or didn't think enough about how they wanted to be and how they were somewhere wanted to get in life.
The problem is that people with high functioning anxiety are as at risk as people with an official psychological diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. They are prone to mental and physical fatigue and can use alcohol or drugs as a coping method.
And I got mental and physical fatigue. In fact, I developed a severe autoimmune reaction that was partially triggered by fear. I was in an elevated state for so long that my body and nervous system could not cope with it.
My body just "gave way".
This illness was a great wake-up call for me and led me on a way to heal myself that I could never have guessed. I pursued a holistic healing approach that included a radical change in diet, journaling and energy healing.
I also started a lot less. I let things go because I had to.
It took me about a year and a half to heal my body, and on the way it was my mind that healed.
I really started to judge who I was and which way I was, and frankly how unhealthy I was in my mental unrest and worries. I still didn't realize that I was in the crisis of high-functioning fear (I came up with the concept later), but I knew that I didn't want to be who I was before.
I wanted to be at peace.
If you suspect that you have a highly functioning fear, you know that you can also heal.
One healing method that I still use frequently today is the "feet on the floor" method, which is a very simplified but highly effective alternative to meditation. It can be done sitting or standing.
Concentrate your feet on the floor and feel how your feet touch. Feel your entire foot as best you can: heal, soles, balls of the feet and toes. Still concentrate on your feet and take a few deep breaths.
When you feel your feet on the floor, you become very present at the moment and come out of your head. This technique takes you into the moment and can help you calm down, especially if you feel spiraling with raging thoughts.
This technique is also very underhanded. You can do it anywhere and nobody knows you are doing it. You can sit at your desk at work, stand in line at the grocery store, etc. and no one in your area realizes that you are using this technique.
The more you practice feeling your feet on the floor, the more often you automatically do this without having to remember. Once you feel anxious, apply the technique almost like a second nature because you have prepared yourself for it and it is so effective.
Another way to deal with your high-functioning fear is to create abstract art that represents how you want to feel instead of being fearful.
You don't have to consider yourself an artist to use this technique. A simple blank sheet of white paper and some markings are all that is needed. Just let your hand flow with colors, shapes and patterns that represent how you want to feel. If you are artistically inclined, you can draw a self-portrait or be in a scene or environment where you feel calm and happy.
When you create art, you access a whole different part of your brain than when you are in the midst of fear. Being artistic is a way for you to tap into another part of yourself that is outside of fear. It can also be very cathartic to create something.
Use these two techniques frequently, and focus on making small changes, and know that the healing process takes time. You will have good days and bad days. When working through your fear, focus on the good feelings when you have them and tell yourself that you want more of them.
You will be your anchor.
About Heather Rider
Heather Rider, professionally known as The Energy Synergist, is a fear specialist. She is a former revised, overemphasized perfectionist. While working in the high-tech industry in Austin, she developed a severe autoimmune reaction that was partially triggered by high-functioning anxiety. She now works with powerful, stressful women who are ready to get out of fear without the use of drugs, using non-traditional, holistic approaches to healing. www.theenergysynergist.com.
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