“There is nothing outside of you that could ever enable you to become better, stronger, richer, faster or smarter. Everything is in you. Everything exists. Don't look for anything outside of you. "~ Miyamoto Musashi
This article is about a code of life. There is no single code and everyone has to choose their own truth. I have searched for my truth in the face of many books and since I have not found it anywhere, I have decided to write it myself.
What is the limitless life?
When I was young, my father said to me: "Son, all limits only exist in your head."
These words have stayed with me all my life and I saw endless evidence of their truthfulness. Things that I thought impossible, too cumbersome with common sense, someone else just did. I felt unbearable feelings about what these people were doing, but those feelings were unbearable to me, not them.
As a little boy I was told that I was a smart boy, a able boy, I could do things that others couldn't, I was special, I only did good, I was exemplary. And I believed it all. I took this as my own truth and started living it.
I believe that the people who taught me these terms tried to increase my confidence and abilities and to give me a good head start in life. But later in my life these boosters turned out to be limits or limits.
If I'm smart, I thought, I can't do things that don't make me look smart. When I am able, I cannot do things that make me seem incapable. When I am exemplary, I can't do the wrong thing, I can't upset anyone, I can't get angry, I can't make a mistake. Not really boosters, right?
I don't know what the meaning of life is. Most likely, there is no single meaning, and everyone decides for themselves what it is. We tend to search for the answer all our lives, but the truth is we are the ones who have to shape it. This article doesn't give you an answer. It just shows you mine and it might help you find yours.
The answer I got was that I wanted to live a limitless life in order to be free.
But how? The first question I had to answer was: What are my limits?
When I hear the word "boundaries", the first thing that comes to mind is fear. I am afraid of doing many things and not doing other things.
In our society today we are expected to go to school, graduate, respect everyone, get a job, get married, have children, listen to the news, vote, know about world history, know science, know many arbitrary facts, having friends and being social etc – you name it. Failure to meet some of the requirements is frightening, and doing something outside of them does the same.
So we live within limits both for our actions and for our inactivity. But why? Why are we afraid of crossing the line? The answer is punishment and reward.
When we do the wrong things we are punished, disapproved, rejected and shunned, and when we do the right things we receive awards, praise, attention, approval and support. In other words, if we play our cards right we get love, and if we screw it up we are deprived of love.
The answer to the big question of what limits us is our desire for love.
We spend our whole life being rich, being famous, pleasing everyone around us, doing something extraordinary, being someone extraordinary, creating a masterpiece, contributing to the world; we want to play a part, all in the name of love.
We're just looking for love. But no matter what we do, we never seem to get enough, we never seem to be enough. We do something good, the world gives us love; We do something bad, the world takes back love. And no matter what we do, the love the world gives us will always be conditional.
You could say: "My family and friends give me unconditional love." But do they do that? They get a marriage but do the wrong thing and get a divorce. You get best friends but you're doing the wrong thing and the next thing you know is that you weren't invited to the last party everyone was talking about. Some bonds are tighter and harder to break, but there is a condition nonetheless. And if there is a condition, there is a limit.
One could say: "Maybe the borders are not a bad thing after all. If they keep families and friends together, if they get you to support society, why not live with them?"
Well I can give you a better answer, but I'll start with the simplest one I've found for myself: boundaries are suffocating me.
Every day there are thousands of things I shouldn't do or I might screw it up. I have to be so many things and I have to avoid being so many things that it feels like walking on a rope all the time. And all I get is applause at certain moments, and then the fight goes on.
Boundaries may keep us with our families, but they also keep us unhappy, keep us from doing the things that we would like to do that might upset our families. Boundaries may make us contribute to society, but because of those boundaries, we often contribute much less than we could.
Our wish is to live a life full of love, joy and happiness. But how can that happen when we struggle every day to get a pinch of love by doing all the necessary things and being careful not to go wrong?
The answer is actually pretty simple. We need to get love from a more reliable source.
If we meet the need for love in other ways, all boundaries we have will be gone. And if you've read enough self-help books and listened to modern gurus and guides, you have probably suspected by now that this love cannot come from outside of you. You cannot control your life, you cannot control others, you cannot control reality. What you can control are yourself and your own thoughts.
The question is, is it enough if I love myself? Don't I need the love of others too?
Let's think about what happens when we mess something up and experience disapproval. What is going on in our heads? We begin to come to terms with others, we also disapprove of each other. We are also starting to beat ourselves up harder than anyone else would ever do.
And when we gain approval and admiration from others through the achievement of a great goal, what happens inside is that we agree to ourselves, give ourselves love and feel good about it. As you can see, all we do is earn our own love and approval. It was never about the others.
Whatever you do in life, no matter how many people approve of you, you will have twice as many who disapprove. But when you hear the approval of the first group of people and agree to yourself, you no longer care about the countless people you dislike. This only confirms that the love that each of us needs is the love that we give to ourselves.
The code of life that I have achieved is as follows:
Be there for you! Love yourself when you get rich, love yourself when you can't even afford to buy groceries. Love yourself when you succeed, love yourself when you fail. Support yourself when you try; show compassion when you don't. Don't beat yourself up because you didn't do something or did something wrong.
Nothing in this world is important if you are not by your side. Be your best friend, be your own brother or sister, be your biggest fan. Give yourself unconditional and endless love and be ready to live a limitless life.
About Ferdi Nebiev
Ferdi works as a manager of a team in an IT product company. His passion for technology is only matched by his desire to explore his inner world. He is fascinated by the limitless ability of people to grow and learn. His dream is to break free of his inner limits, live a life of freedom and peace, and help others achieve the same.
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