"Fear, insecurity and discomfort are your compass for growth." ~ Celestine Chua
Uncertainty can be the glue for fear if you allow it. One can snow into another and soon you will be looking at the street in front of you, absolutely amazed at which way to go. It shakes us to the core; it disturbs our security, our stable foundation and makes us feel insecure, even a little lost.
But can our lives change without uncertainty?
I don't think they can.
Two years ago I asked myself: Is that all there is? I'll stay on the street I've been on. no passionate youthful ambitions, no joyful exuberance; Work day after day and pay the bills. It's an adult, isn't it?
At least I have a comfortable life, I said to myself, with minor disturbances, without drama and nice friends whom I find it difficult to feel close to.
There must be something better, I said to myself.
I searched everywhere.
Then I found my passion. It was buried deep. I wiped the cobwebs. I wondered why I had given up such a beautiful passion. Then I remembered decades ago when I convinced myself that my passion had no real use, especially in a world where money was above everything.
But it made me happy, so I worked on my passion twice a week in the evenings when I had the time. It was a very busy time. I had little room for my distant friends, superficial dating or other things that were slowly exhausting my soul.
Miraculously, my passion quickly filled my mug in a way that nothing else could do, not date, no friends, and definitely no work. I decided to give everything I have. make a big change.
That was lucky! I found it!
I sold my business and tracked changes. I chased it, took off the old chains that tied me, and paved my own path. Then something happened that I wasn't quite expecting.
uncertainty.
It shook me to the core.
Here I was a steady income with little money and no clear path ahead of me. Do I turn right or left Do I go straight or do I take this side street? Which way is the best? Will I succeed or fail?
Fear seized me and threatened to choke the air out of my lungs. What have I done? How could that be? I ruined everything.
I put my whole heart and soul into my passion and I went on tirelessly. The negative thoughts pulled my brain at night and increased my anxiety. My sleep was disturbed and my life was in chaos. Nothing was certain anymore.
I have analyzed every direction. One direction has to be better than the other! But they all seemed the same, full of obstacles and inconsistencies.
I started making plans, but moved in. I felt unable to make a decision.
I kept thinking about things until I couldn't think of anything else. My path was so wide and the water was unknown. I felt like I had absolutely no idea what I was doing or where I was going.
How could that be? How could the road to happiness be so rough and full of dangers?
Then I forced myself to breathe. It would be fine, I said to myself. Train and take care of things every day, but accept that there will be mistakes. You are human.
I started to talk myself out of the debilitating fear and came up with a list of positive messages to counter the concern:
1. You are intelligent; You make good decisions. You always have. Take a look at all of your successes so far. They are tangible evidence.
2. Trust yourself. You will make it.
3. Change is better than going back to where you were before.
4. Release your power over things if you want them to evolve.
5. Go ahead, analyze your situation, but leave plenty of scope for mistakes.
6. Take a break sometimes and focus on other things that have absolutely nothing to do with your decisions.
7. If you don't know the right way, just swim in the right direction. The river will eventually take you there.
So I started swimming. The river slowed down along the rocks a few times, but I found clever ways to avoid them. Sometimes the water was freezing and I learned that if I kicked my legs faster, I stayed warm. I just waded a few times in the water and enjoyed the scenery.
While admiring the landscape, I wondered if the trip was perhaps more important than the destination. These moments were precious.
I still often have debilitating fear, but I have built an impressive level of confidence in myself. I think things will work out. they always do it somehow sometime.
Every day I wake up with uncertainty that hovers over my head. I wonder how I could get rid of this unwanted guest.
Then I had a revelation.
If you want changes in your life, you have to open the door to uncertainty. He could stay for a while, so be sure to invite him in and shake his hand. It's okay, he's not the bad guy. Uncertainty is actually the type that introduces you to the future.
Oh, and this guy fear? Don't listen to what he says. Better yet, tell him he's not welcome and slam the door in his face.
And remember, you will be fine.
About J.A. Boulet
J.A. Boulet is the passionate author of The Olason Chronicles, a historical saga of immigration, love and perseverance. The Strong Amongst Us Book 1 was published on Amazon in April 2020. She was born in Western Canada as a Canadian of the first generation of Hungarian descent and grew up there. At the age of five she began to write poems and developed short stories and novels. She believes in healing, family ties and embracing the unknown. Twitter
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