"As soon as we accept our borders, we go beyond them." ~ Albert Einstein
Why do you want to do this? This question was asked to me repeatedly by friends before I started my voluntary internship in a department for spinal injuries. The uncertainty in her eyes reflected her own fears of a life-changing disability.
It was difficult to put into words what made me become a volunteer in patient support. I was happy with my work, had an active social life, hiked and swam every weekend, but something was still missing. My own life felt protected and I wanted to feel part of a bigger world where I could make a difference no matter how small.
So I fell early from work every Monday evening, put on my voluntary T-shirt, scrubbed my hands and went to the nursing staff in the evening shift.
On my first night in the long corridors of the hospital, I was very concerned. What would I say to someone who is paralyzed? How would it feel if you were told that you would never go again? My own worst fears came when I passed rooms that were filled with wheelchairs and complex lifting equipment. How would I deal with your shoes?
My job was to make friends and support patients who were often far from friends and family. I quickly learned that the smallest gestures can make the biggest difference.
Turning a book, reaching for a cardigan and sucking on a straw are simple gestures that we all take for granted – until you have a spinal injury. In a typically British way, I also made endless cups of tea while hearing stories of long, exhausting days in the rehabilitation center.
And I've never heard anyone complain – rehabilitation was seen as a valuable opportunity to regain control of their lives. On your way to independence, I would appreciate every little step of progress. Getting from sitting to standing was a big win, like climbing Mount Everest with an equally emotional high.
The ups and downs of rehabilitation have taught me that nothing is safe with spinal injuries. People who are told that they can never go again sometimes defeat the opportunities. And what is possible is often much more than what is not possible.
From the first preliminary steps, her journey went to the first preliminary trips to cafes and restaurants. I was impressed by the steely determination my patients showed when navigating the complex logistics of a world that was only focused on the interests of the disabled.
I realized that so much of my own fearful attitude towards disabilities was shaped by negative social stereotypes. Wheelchairs symbolized the restriction, although in reality they enabled the desired independence.
Patients are not objects of compassion. Nor are they the heroic characters portrayed in the media. They are ordinary people who are gradually adapting to changing circumstances – a skill that we all have within us.
Supporting people in such life changing circumstances relativizes all of my own struggles. Concerns about jobs, money, and relationships shrank to a tiny level. I was deeply grateful for my own mobility – something that I always took for granted, but which I was strongly reminded of, can be taken away immediately.
My experience as a volunteer gave me a whole new perspective on life and taught me a handful of powerful lessons about surviving difficult times, including …
1. It is not what happens to us, it is how we react.
None of my patients were responsible for what happened to them, but they all took responsibility for how they reacted. Our attitude to adversity is everything and ultimately shapes our thoughts, feelings and actions.
Life will always pose challenges and we have very little control over them. The only thing we can control is our reaction. We can choose to be a victim and remain powerless, or we can face situations directly and choose to live the best possible life.
This choice is always in our control and determines what kind of life we ultimately live, regardless of our circumstances.
2. We are all more adaptable than we think.
I was repeatedly reminded that we can adapt to the worst that life throws at us. We are designed to withstand trauma and have the innate ability not to give up.
Coping with life-changing injuries is a gradual adjustment process in which we learn that our beliefs are sometimes not always true.
Few things in life turn out to be as bad as we imagine them to be. What appears impossible at the beginning gradually becomes manageable as we adapt to a new normal.
Some doors close, but new doors open. It may not be the life we planned, but it is what we chose to do.
3. How you feel today is not how you feel tomorrow.
How we react emotionally to a life-changing situation can change quickly from day to day.
I would worry about patients who were desperate for a week, only to find that their attitudes had changed the following week.
In life we encounter many dark nights of the soul, in which life can feel completely hopeless in the intensity of the moment.
But if we hold out until the next day, things can change. A gradual change in our thinking, a gradual acceptance or a sudden change in our circumstances can radically change our view of our situation from one day to the next.
"It will not always feel that way" is a mantra that always sounds true, regardless of the situation we are in or where we are on our life journey.
4. Take small steps forward every day.
Rehabilitation is about mastering your situation.
The patients were encouraged to take small steps every day towards greater independence. If you suddenly lose your mobility, every step you take is frightened.
But when we are immobilized, action is the only way forward. The first step is the most difficult, but leads to the next and the next until you are finally on the way.
Given the difficulties of life, the only way out is the passage.
5. Be patient.
One of the most frustrating things about a spinal injury is not knowing how long it will take to recover.
Some patients are targeting fixed calendar dates and would be frustrated and disappointed if the results did not meet their expectations.
Patience is a lifelong skill that gives us control over our situation by allowing us to be mindful of the path to a positive outcome.
By not timing our expectations, we can simply observe the various insights along the way and live more peacefully in the present, knowing that when the time comes, we will achieve our goal.
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Volunteering in a spine injury department broadened my horizons in a way I never expected and gave me a new perspective on life-changing disabilities. My patients have shown me that it is possible to go far beyond the limits imposed on you to get the most out of your life.
About Linzi Clark
Linzi Clark is an office worker and part-time blogger who is passionate about reconciling work and private life. In her blog posts at Office Breaks, she gives tips and advice to help people become happier and more productive at work. You can also catch up with them on Twitter and Facebook.
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