"You cannot be both fearful and grateful at the same time." ~ Tony Robbins
It can be difficult to get into a state of gratitude in a time of turmoil and fear. But now we have to exercise grace more than ever. The practice of gratitude can lift us out of the heavy weight of our unsavory thoughts and feelings and move in the direction of loving-kindness.
My personal experience with adversity
I have had difficult moments in my life. Such was the time when I had cervical cancer a few years ago. I remember a number of emotions. But when I heard the diagnosis for the first time, I was shocked. It was difficult for me to process that my body was sick. I thought I was taking good care of myself and hearing the word “c” was incomprehensible.
For those who were or are sick, you know what I mean when I say that I felt alone. Even though I was surrounded by my loving family and friends, it felt like I was in the spotlight and I was the only actor on the stage.
And then there was the excruciating fear of dying. My father died of liver cancer ten years earlier and I thought my fate would be similar. These thoughts gnawed at me all day, especially at night. It was difficult to be there. I was totally consumed by my thoughts.
I also felt hopeless. I couldn't see past the illness. My new normal case was to go to the hospital for radiation and chemotherapy and go home to rest. As a result, I lost a lot of weight and became weak. There were times when I was too weak to get out of bed. My bedroom was my own hideaway.
And I felt like I had lost my independence. I couldn't take care of myself anymore. I had to rely on others, not just doctors and nurses, but also my family and friends to take care of me. I have always considered myself independent, so it was disappointing to lose this autonomy.
The person I thought I was missing right in front of my eyes. In retrospect, I now see why the fear has increased. Part of my identity was tied to my body. If the body fades, who am I?
How Gratitude Saved Me
I am not sure at what point in this experience I started to express gratitude. But this practice, including mindfulness, saved me.
First there was resistance. The day I started my gratitude journey, I asked myself, "What can I be thankful for when I'm sick?" What followed was the following: "There is nothing to be thankful for." I admitted my ego.
The following day was a little better. I aimed a little lower. I looked for the low-hanging fruit – smaller things that I appreciated, like the ability to walk, even if it was a short distance to listen to music, breathe, and drink my tea.
Every day I identified what brought me joy, what brought me peace, what made me smile, and what made me look different.
And from then on I looked for ways to be thankful, be it in the hospital or in my room, or when I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror because I had lost so much weight or when the normality that I knew was turned upside down.
Especially in moments of acute fear I searched deep and long for this tiny piece, something into which I could throw my anchor of gratitude.
Benefits of Gratitude
The practice of gratitude was important during my illness for several reasons.
Practicing gratitude brought me to the present moment.
For everyone who suffers from adversity, be it an illness, the loss of a job, a broken relationship or the loss of a loved one, fear is often the prevailing feeling. It is also the most destructive to the mind and body.
When I practiced being grateful, this disturbed the fear pattern in my mind. A simple message of gratitude like "What am I enjoying at this moment?" stumbled my ego. This prevented my ego from playing out its catastrophic cycle of thought.
When I couldn't leave my bedroom, I just looked out of the window and stared at the trees. I never looked at the trees before I got sick, but during that time I noticed how stoic, strong, and beautiful they were.
When I focused on what I valued, I felt better.
I didn't know the science behind it at this point, but I felt much better after my gratitude exercise, so I went on. I felt better physically and emotionally.
Anxious thoughts have a detrimental effect on body and mind. Anxiety undermines the immune system and causes cardiovascular and gastrointestinal problems.
Chronic fear also interferes with brain processes, which prevents us from regulating our emotions. This makes us vulnerable to acute emotions and impulsiveness.
I started to see beyond physical illness. I became hopeful. My attitude began to change by introducing myself to be healthy and physically fit. I used to imagine that I was going to hike up a mountain and see a beautiful view above.
My practice of gratitude has made me more resilient.
The more I cultivated a grateful disposition, the stronger my state of mind became.
There are many studies that show that gratitude can lead to mental well-being and resilience.
During treatment I encountered some obstacles such as C. difficile infection and severe dehydration. These are common side effects of the treatments. During my medical vacation, the company I worked for was massively reorganized, and I was reassigned and lost team members.
I have mastered these challenges. I wasn't thrown out of my midst. Even in those moments I was looking for the silver lining.
How to start a gratitude practice
There are many ways to implement a gratitude practice. The simplest thing is to change what you focus on when you wake up in the morning.
Gratitude in the Morning
1. Do not pick up your phone after waking up. Instead, take a few deep breaths.
2. Think of three things that you are thankful for. Start with something small, like life, the fact that you can breathe, have a comfortable bed, have a roof over your head, etc.
3. If you notice resistance, you simply become aware of it. Don't force anything.
4. If it is helpful, you can say: "I am ready to release the resistance I have against this practice of gratitude."
5. Another command prompt may work, e.g. E.g .:
What is your favorite song and why?
Look out the window, what do you like, what do you like?
Describe who or what makes you feel safe.
Describe who or what makes you laugh.
Describe who allows you to be yourself.
You can also use the above exercise with a diary. I usually write three things that I appreciate, and when I have time I describe why.
Gratitude Rock
1. Find three small stones or stones and put them in your jacket pocket. For this exercise, go to a nearby lake or river, if available, and look for stones to call.
2. Put these stones in the pocket of your favorite jacket.
3. Each time you touch these rocks, think of three things that you value.
You can also place these stones on your desk, on the dashboard of your car or wherever there is good visibility.
Letter of appreciation
1. Think of someone who has had a positive impact on your life.
2. Write a letter or email to this person.
3. Describe what they did for you that you appreciated.
4. Explain how your action has positively changed the course of your life.
5. Send the letter.
When I was better, I took the opportunity to do inner work and self-reflection. I saw the blessing of getting sick. I clearly saw the destructive path I was on before the diagnosis that I was previously blind to.
I had lived a lie. I was in unhealthy relationships. I had a job that I didn't like. I was exposed to my thoughts and feelings. I played small. I was fake. And most important was the realization that I didn't love myself.
With the help of a therapist and tools such as meditation and gratitude, I started to release restrictive beliefs and reprogram my thinking. I started to see myself in a different light. I started to approach life with joy and optimism. And above all, I started to love myself.
What influence did gratitude have on your life?
About Marina Alteza
Author at mindfullycity.com and braintraining101.com, where she documents her practice of mindfulness, self-compassion, and gratitude to change her relationship to the challenges of everyday life . She is currently pursuing her teaching certificate for mindful self-compassion.
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