“Nothing in the world can disturb you as much as your own mind, I tell you. In fact, others seem to bother you, but it's not others, it's your own mind. “ ~ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Ever confused about what to do and not sure how to clarify it?
Perhaps an unforeseen event like a layoff or separation brought you into a mental crisis. Or maybe you're messing around with no idea where you are going.
Confusion can make you helpless, indecisive and fearful. And not knowing what to do only adds to your mental chaos.
I was there, lost, undecided and undecided in life. But in the midst of my midlife confusion, a life-changing trauma has pushed all this mental mess aside and given way to a bigger concern – leukemia.
But surprisingly, cancer led me to mental clarity and calm.
But do not despair. You don't need tragedy to create inner clarity. Because here is the three step method I discovered for turning confusion into mental clarity.
Slow down for mental clarity
Your first step is time.
A few months before I was diagnosed with leukemia, I was afraid of a career shift. Until my forties I heard an invisible clock ticking and put myself under pressure to make the perfect decision.
Instead, I just stressed myself out. The confusion never left me and I never came to any conclusions.
Then leukemia physically stopped me and forced me to slow down. Self-isolated, with a weakened immune system, I had a lot of time. And I used that time to clean up the mess in my head, a mess that suddenly seemed pointless.
I have learned that important decisions require contemplation and contemplation takes time. Only the space for thought will solve your mental problems.
So be kind to yourself and give yourself the time to make clear what is clouding your head.
Depending on your situation, it may take you a full day in a relaxed environment to analyze your options and weigh the pros and cons. You could spend a week or two alone on a meditative, spiritual, or agnostic vacation. Or you can do a sabbatical year.
The bigger your decision, the more time you need.
Be an observer
If you distance yourself from your thoughts, you can better decipher the turbulence of your mind.
Because physical space is not enough. You also need more mental space.
When you multitask your hours and days, busyness often fills your mind. And a monkey mind only strengthens your mental bond.
So your second step to mental clarity consists in noting your thoughts without judgment and observing them. As? With mindfulness that is excellent for both mental and emotional clarity.
To prevent my thoughts from wandering to dark places during my frequent hospital stays, I practiced deep breathing exercises, focusing only on my breath. And this breathing technique forced me to stay present.
I made rapid progress in mindfulness and discovered repetitive thought patterns. I realized that my confusion wasn't due to my indecision about a career change. Instead, it masked a deep dissatisfaction with my life. I lacked direction and purpose. Even if I had changed jobs, it wouldn't have cleared my mental chaos.
When observing your thoughts, the key to clarity is to write them down for what they are without criticizing yourself. I recorded my thoughts as "fear" or "worry" or "dissatisfaction" which helped me understand and accept them.
Once you let go of your internal critic and accept your current mindset, cut through your cloudiness to reveal your true mental and emotional states.
Trust yourself, not your confusion
"You are not your mind." ~ Eckhart Tolle
As soon as you step away from thoughts, you realize that you and your mind are two separate entities and you don't have to believe it.
When this realization sets in, you can break away from the thoughts that are holding you back.
You are not confused because you do not know what to do. You are confused because you are telling yourself limiting stories about what you can do. Deep down, you know what you want, but limiting fears, beliefs, and assumptions make you question yourself. And in reality many have no basis.
For example, you might strive for perfection because you are afraid of making mistakes. And maybe you are afraid of making mistakes because you are convinced that others can only love you if you are perfect.
The final step is to challenge your beliefs in order to achieve both mental and emotional clarity.
When I was thinking about a career change, I turned down writing as an option. I kept pushing this solution away. And I never asked myself.
But my fight against leukemia gave me time and presence of mind to challenge myself.
And what did I discover?
I never saw writing as a career change because I didn't believe in my abilities.
Because I didn't believe in myself.
Only then did I understand my confusion: The lack of self-examination caused all of my mental and emotional upheavals.
Without judgment and without shame I accepted this limiting belief that had been hidden in my thoughts for ages. And I realized it's not true.
So, I'll let it go.
Are you telling yourself that you are a failure or that you are not good enough? You won't know until you start with some thoughtful questions.
To challenge yourself, try this 4-question technique by Byron Katie:
"Is it true?"
"Can you absolutely know that it is true?"
"What if you believe that thought?" (What are your reactions or feelings?)
"Without thinking who would you be?"
Your answers will most likely surprise you, but will also liberate you from stagnating beliefs.
When you create space, live in the present and question your confusion, you will discover spiritual clarity.
Overcoming confusion with mental clarity
These three safe steps will lead you on a path to greater clarity.
And over time, if you stay present and aware of mental traps, you will be better able to avoid confusion. And every time you get confused, you will know how to get out of it.
So take back your power, make better decisions and live a braver life thanks to your newfound mental clarity.
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