Guess what? If you've been to therapy yourself or are currently in therapy, Carl Rogers may not have been a good fit for you. Neither Bessel van der Kolk nor Irvin Yalom.
The clout that some of these big names have in therapy is usually well deserved. Who does not appreciate the advances in thinking about things like unconditional positive appreciation, trauma, or transference that these experts have provided?
As consultant clinics, we are fortunate to have an abundance of brilliant minds who preceded us before we even set foot in our first theory classroom. But it's okay that we aren't them. Within the walls of a therapy office there is not a single person on this planet who is (or would have been) the best therapist for everyone.
One of the ways I market myself as an associate-level clinician who is still working toward independent approval is to bow in humility. Rather than feeling less than those who have been in this field for 20 years, a PhD or an alphabet of special certifications, I focus on my place in this little corner of the world where real and meaningful change can take place for me to fully exploit customers.
Humility is powerful. And accepting everything that you are and what you are not is much more of a strength than a deficit when it comes to attracting and retaining customers. Here are some tips to challenge your thinking to fully embrace what you bring on the therapy table:
1) Accept that you don't suit everyone; They will be an excellent match for some. My website FAQs include the question "Why should I choose you?" My answer starts with "Maybe you shouldn't …" before addressing the importance of finding the right fit in therapy.
Do not be concerned about all the things that you are not as a consultant; Instead, stand straight up in exactly what you are. Even if you are just an intern at the cheapest university in America and receiving below average level of care, you are bringing a lifetime of experience to your clients. Your person is a gift.
If you had an abusive childhood, bring it with you. If a military lifestyle makes you constant household moves, bring it with you. If you're happily married or in the middle of a conflicted divorce, bring it with you. Are you a parent? An artist? Do you have Attention Deficit Disorder? Bring it All elements of you are tools. They are uniquely yours and uniquely perfect for certain customers.
2) Sell the trust you place in the customer, not yourself. In the first recording session, I am very open with customers who are not necessarily everyone's cup of tea. I give them permission to fire me. And I acknowledge the challenge they currently face when they get on their feet with a new therapist. I let them know that I had a number of therapists myself that I hadn't really had contact with until I finally found the right one.
I look them in the eye and say something like, “If this doesn't feel right, or if you don't connect with what's going on in this room, by all means let's talk about it. I may not be the right person for you, but I trust the right person is out there and I will offer you some names that might better suit your needs. ”
The customers reacted very well to this. Some cry just as I realize how scary it is to dissect a life of pain with a stranger. Others thank me for allowing me to be direct. In all honesty, there are very, very, very few customers who don't come back. Typically, with the freedom to choose what is right for them, customers will stop wondering if perhaps you are just a sleazy businessman trying to make money off of them.
Imagine you go to a car dealership and the seller immediately says that he wants you to get the most out of your car purchase. Then they acknowledge that they may not have the right thing for you, but they will help you find the place that does the right thing. Wouldn't that feel great and immediately gain your trust? Meeting with a professional who recommends moving your business to another location if necessary can lead to a significant leap in relationship building with that person. When you do this as a consultant, it shows the customer that you are completely convinced of what you are offering and that you are not desperate for their business. Note: Even if you are desperately looking for your business, the customer will not benefit from it at all.
3) Consider risking your own time. I found the therapist I am seeing now after interviewing a few others and feeling tired of the hunt. Someone recommended it to me, and I noticed it initially for one reason: The first session was risk-free. No, I am not talking about the industry standard "free 15 minute consultation"; I mean, he offered an entire session at his own expense to see if it went well. The catch was that customers who wanted a second session would book that and then pay the fee for the first and second sessions. If it was terrible, no loss to the customer; they could go away.
I was immediately impressed by his boldness and thought he must feel safe with what he was offering, so I gave it a try. It paid off. I immediately arranged a second meeting and gladly took over the costs for the first one. That was almost two years ago and I still see him regularly to this day. It was a marketing technique that was a really attractive selling point for me as a customer. Some variations of this might work for you too.
4) Comfortably say, "I don't know." You don't have to be an expert on everything to be a great advisor. You don't even have to be an expert on anything in particular to be a great advisor! While establishing a niche can be a smart career move and can be fulfilling for you personally, it's also okay to be a general practitioner who only deals with things like anxiety, depression, and grief. The evidence has shown time and time again that it is not the specialized skill that produces the highest rates of success; it is rather the therapeutic alliance … and it exists far beyond textbooks and training workshops.
If a customer asks you a question that you don't have an answer to, say it. Offer to find answers for or with them. If a client wants a certain type of therapy that is not included in your wheelhouse, tell them what you know and don't know and let them know if you are ready (or not) to find out about the type of therapy too inform he is looking for. Especially when asked and not trained for a very specialized service like eye movement desensitization and remediation or brainspotting, PLEASE don't pretend it is you and go home to see YouTube videos hoping see it fake. Clearly state your amount of exercise and stick to it – while constantly trying to improve your own time.
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As a consumer, I really appreciate the experts who admit the limits of their knowledge and do not pretend to have all the answers. That strengthens my trust in her. My family doctor does that, which is why I would endure the inconvenience of appointments just to see him; his word is gold. If you are convinced of who and what you are, there is no reason to feel threatened by what you do not know.
I remember the first time working with someone who had a chronic illness. She was nervous about taking it and asked what my experience was in this particular area. I told her clearly that I only knew a few paragraphs from my textbook about her condition, but that I was honored to give her space to process her own pain and to deepen my learning at her side. During the same admission, I tried to postpone by offering to find their names of people with special training in the field if they preferred someone with more experience. She declined, saying she felt good about me and we had several fulfilling months together. This type of scenario has been repeated many times in my young career, but I add the following caveat: There are certain situations or disorders that I should definitely point out because it would be detrimental to the client, not the right type of training for to have his person in these cases. This brings me to my final point.
5) Never stop learning. Compulsory further education points are only the bare minimum. Competent professional therapists immerse themselves in the worlds of counseling, psychology and human condition. This doesn't mean reading every new self-help book that comes out, but it does mean diligently exposing yourself to books, media, people, and experiences that will deepen not only your skills as a clinician but also your own for authenticity. This is especially relevant when you are dealing with couples, families, and other unique populations.
Our world has changed quickly. Psychotherapists don't have to know everything or specialize in everything. That would be an impossible feat. But we must constantly update our own knowledge and beliefs and fully develop our personalities in order to introduce modest best practices to our customers.
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Ellie Rose is a licensed mental health counselor, state certified counselor, and private practice owner in Vancouver, Washington. She works with individuals, couples, and families through a therapeutic perspective that encourages her clients to lean into reality, find meaning, and develop skills to deal with life's challenges. She is also a mother, reader, writer, and speaker who can be reached at [email protected] or on Instagram: @ ellie.rose.therapy.
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Opinions and statements in articles appearing on CT Online should not be construed as the opinions of the editors or guidelines of the American Counseling Association.
