"Success means to like yourself, to like what you do, and to like how you do it." ~ Maya Angelou
Color within the lines. Math, physics and chemistry – there is absolutely no point in playing drama. A main meal with an A and a side order of volunteering. A four year degree with a "safe" major from a reputable college. Then comes the corner cabin career at a listed company. What about the four bedroom house and the annual vacation abroad? We may not be able to forget these things
Throughout life, from infancy to adulthood, we are told what it means to be successful. We are given a textbook definition based solely on societal constructs that have existed for far too long without critical questioning, and that are expected to achieve this success without considering individualism – a core characteristic of what it means to be human.
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Not so long ago I would happily have been the figurehead of a successful young adult who was on a clear path to even greater success.
I only colored in my coloring book in a low-key way, using colors that were realistic and often left some of the darker colors completely untouched, while my younger brother glued to almost every accessible surface with absolutely anything Colors in his crayon box.
When I got into high school, I swapped writing and performing in plays for physics and chemistry because I needed something more credible for my college applications. I was rewarded for this choice by being accepted into one of the most revered schools in the country while some of my colleagues didn't even graduate from high school.
And so I continued with this attitude at university, where I spent countless night owls instead of socializing and, to be completely honest, actually living my life.
I particularly remember one night when an old love interest called me to say that all he wanted was to pick me up and take me out, as he had done a dozen times before.
I remember laughing heartily at his inclusion, mainly due to the fact that he had recently moved across the country. I also vividly remember his excitement when he explained that he was on a surprise trip to town. The excitement was short-lived, however, as I insisted on staying inside to study for a test, rejecting one of the greatest and most sincere gestures I have ever done.
Once again, my single-track behavior was rewarded and I graduated summa cum laude.
I entered the workforce with the same strength and intent that I was now fully rooted with. I've worked long hours, traveled a lot, and missed everything from birthdays to bachelors. Worst of all, I barely felt any remorse because – you guessed it – my absence was rewarded with more perks and more promotions.
Everything was floating. According to my bank account, LinkedIn profile, and the suburb I lived in, I was successful. And just think there is more to come.
Well, I don't know if you've ever been thrown a curveball, but it's something completely unexpected. One day you are casually walking down the street dreaming of the perfect outfit for the "run-in" with the office building cutie, which was not planned for tomorrow, when a tiny unknown object flies directly into your eye and gives you the feeling that you will be permanently blind.
If you think this sounds a little too detailed in the description to be just a vague and accidental example, you are right. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened to me on a bright and sunny spring day walking back to the office from a quick lunch.
What I remember most was not so much the excruciating pain, but the fear of what would happen to my eyes when an endless stream of tears ran down my face. I quickly went to the bathroom and tried my best to wash away any debris that might have been the cause of my painful discomfort and deep fear.
I looked up at the mirror and anxiously inspected my eye. No matter bloodshot and red, my eye was an almond-shaped, scarlet pond with no remains of a white sclera. No matter what I did, the tears just wouldn't stop.
Never a loud alarmist, I made my way to the office and calmly informed my staff about what my innocent, casual walk down the street had done. Instead, I expected an onslaught of panic and quick help. I had questions about my end-of-month numbers that were needed to prepare the final monthly report. Not even the gesture to get the first aid kit, which I knew was tucked away in a nearby filing cabinet, had been made.
As independent as I am, all my life I have been and still am gratefully surrounded by exceptionally caring friends and family members who were always ready to help when the situation called for. I was therefore seriously shocked by the behavior of my employees, apparently not being bothered by my medical emergency.
After the baffled realization passed, I gave my end-of-month numbers, grabbed my car keys, and announced that I was going to see a doctor. I was still scared to death, but I knew it was up to me to fix this dire situation.
Fortunately, I was able to find a medical center nearby and hurriedly made my way to the emergency room. Compared to the cold reception my staff received, the medical center staff was an absolute gift from God. They talked me warmly through the procedure of having to rinse my eye with an orange fluorescein dye that would be used to detect foreign objects.
It is a creepy and especially frightening feeling to be alone on a medical bed with bright lights shining directly on your face while unknown medical professionals try to determine your fate. After a few hours, the attending physician confidently announced that my eye was indeed free of foreign particles and that I was most likely still experiencing the abrasion that the particle had left behind.
She prescribed some antibacterial serum and sent me home with a very pirate-like eye patch. Still visibly shaken and a little skeptical of the good doctor's diagnosis, I drove slowly home, constantly trying to calm myself down.
Just as I got home I received several messages from work that were not about my well-being but about the need to attend a very important customer meeting like me that afternoon. who had the necessary local knowledge to lead the meeting.
An incredulous wave of confusion overcame me as I tried to understand my reality. My mother, who happened to visit me, expertly comforted and calmed me. After washing my face and getting changed, I felt a little clearer and decided to attend the customer meeting.
With an eye patch and a void that I can never fully articulate, I drove to the client meeting with a firm determination that today would be the day I start to define what success means to me because it certainly doesn't possible is not what I had experienced earlier that day.
From here I began my journey of finding a definition of success – one that really and undeniably coincides with my authentic self.
I made the decision to reevaluate everything I was told all my life, what it means to be successful, everything I had done so far and everything I wanted for my future.
I have since discarded the suffocating social definition of what it means to be successful and replaced it with one that better reflects my values and true ambitions that have very little to do with the severity of my bank balance great title that I have as a professional.
For me, success shows up again and again for my loved ones and I spend a lot of time cultivating the relationships that give me irrefutable joy, by being really present and engaged and not having a last minute apology for missing one Date or date send expensive gift to forget a birthday like I have done so many times in the past.
Success means to be healthy. And I don't mean that "I can climb this mountain in less than an hour" is any healthy. Well, that would be nice, but what I'm talking about goes beyond physical health. In my view, health includes my mental, emotional, and spiritual health and wellbeing, in addition to whether or not I can keep up with my Pilates teacher.
Success is also my tangible contribution to the world in which I live. Not the taxes I pay or the sporadic donations I make to charities with beneficiaries that far outweigh the help they receive, but the direct impact of my actions on another human life.
In practice my new and evolving definition of success means that I no longer prioritize work over my loved ones or my health.
My sense of urgency about deadlines and work commitments has been tempered by the realization that there will always be a fire to be put out or a contract to be won. I compare the world of work to the scene of a noisy morning fish market, where countless fishmongers vie for your attention as you run from one deadline to the next. So it is up to you to think about how you use your energy at work.
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I'm also more anxious to switch off from work when I virtually log off or physically leave the office. I can happily admit that I am far more than satisfied to step back from my job when something more urgent in my personal life requires my attention.
That's not to say I've resigned myself to a Class B performance – I honestly believe that something in my DNA is preventing me from being the meticulous person I am. Rather, I don't spend a ridiculous amount of time perfecting a report, and I no longer agree to take on far more than my capacity allows just to appease my superiors. I am constantly striving to maintain my commitment to excellence. However, it is no longer at the expense of my personal happiness and well-being.
I have also started to pay more attention to my mind, spirit and body.
When I am afraid of uncomfortable thoughts, I spend a few minutes taking calm, deep breaths.
When I am discouraged by the actions of the world, I gently remind myself that in the midst of darkness and injustice there are precious fragments of light and goodness that will always prevail.
When I'm tired, I hang up and sleep.
When I'm hungry, I stop what I'm doing and find something to nourish my body.
All obvious references that I once either completely forgot or obviously ignored.
Most importantly, I've made a decision to spend more time – and not just my negligent money – supporting causes that are consistent with my desire to bridge differences and advocate accessible education.
This was by far the most rewarding aspect of the change in direction of my life's journey, which I would no doubt attribute to my willingness to redefine what success means to me. And sure, there are times when I go back to old habits, but I'm a lot kinder to myself these days, so I get up the next day and just try again.
We don't get that often told, but your definition of success is just that – yours.
We have no doubt adopted the standard societal definition of success that has resulted in many of us running helter-skelterers and chasing our own tails to win a race we have never signed up for.
Defining what success means to you may only be the first step in seeking the peace and contentment we all so desperately want.
About Cam Dilean
Cam is an avid writer who has always been passionate about all kinds of literature. Her blog, Oh My Word, is a quirky collection of satirical, creative, and sometimes profoundly helpful reflections on life and wellbeing.
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