"Let go of the need to control the outcome. Trust the process. Trust your intuition. Trust yourself. "~ Unknown
One day I talked to a friend at work and we discussed dating and the concomitant rejection and sense of failure and disappointment.
We talked about how we try to even approach someone, because we get in the way of ourselves, and our thoughts prevent us from moving forward because we are afraid. We are afraid and uncomfortable not knowing what the intentions of the other person are and whether this new potential partner can be trusted.
We advise, we doubt their intentions and we worry where the relationship could lead to. We accept and we invent stories in our heads and ask random and abrupt questions from nowhere, hoping to get an answer to end our fearsome suffering.
I was recently turned down by a man I wanted to know more about because I was pushing for answers and things to go faster than he might be ready. I fought for things to develop naturally, because I feared the unknown and felt uncomfortable with my restlessness.
I have been dating and sitting down there ever since, but I keep finding myself sabotaging every possible relationship before it even becomes a relationship because my thoughts are in the way. But also because the injured child in me, who is frightened when vulnerable, repels anything that may be good for her to return to what she is familiar with, loneliness. Because she can not be hurt there. However, this process continues to hurt me deeply.
This has happened over and over again, and I find it extremely frustrating and annoying to get stuck in this loop.
Rejection
If I am rejected, that is an insurmountable blow to my injured inner child and I personally take the rejection as if something in me is not good enough. Or I feel like I did something wrong and that's why they rejected me.
It's hard for me to understand that we are simply incompatible or that it was simply not intended. The rejection goes on until the injured child in me, and I try to reconcile it with myself.
Feeling of failure
I interpret this rejection as a personal failure on my part because I was not calm enough and open enough to develop things naturally. I feel bad about myself because I was not in my head and in my heart and was able to take back my injured inner child, consume my thoughts, and override rational thinking.
It's frustrating for me to keep struggling to keep calm and let things flow since I've been trying to master them for some time.
Restoration
However, I know that this is not what I want to do, and I know that someday I will master that sense of calm in the discomfort that life brings and have the loving relationship, I wish.
If we recognize our patterns and work on the underlying issues, it is only a matter of time before we see progress.
I'm not afraid to keep trying and go there again and again. Although recently rejected, I am proud that I took the risk, stepped out of my comfort zone, and broke off the façade I've built over the years.
I am also proud that during my interaction with this man I was busy with what was happening right in front of me, and that every step forward is another step in the right direction.
I also try to focus on the now and prevent my thoughts from running away from me. Yes, the man with whom I wanted to establish a relationship has withdrawn, but I see that I'm fine and that my world did not fall apart because a man rejected me]
I focus on what I can be grateful for in my life, and I've flooded my brain with positive affirmations and remembered my daily mantra that "I deserve."
I know that I am a bright, brilliant and amazing woman who has gone through a phenomenal journey of healing and recovery and is simply trying to do her best with this new hurdle. I continue to repeat this message for myself, and my rejection and sense of failure continue to improve over time.
I see how far I've come and what growth has taken place over the last year, and I am pleased to see that I now have confidence in myself that I at least feel comfortable with to settle down there dating world ,
I will continue to try not to force things so that relationships can naturally develop as they please. I know that will happen to me. I just have to keep trusting and keep coming back for me.
Did you ever feel anxious and uncomfortable at the beginning of a relationship? What helps you to relax, let go and let things happen?
About Emma Junhankit
Emma was a social worker who worked with children in state institutions and asylum seekers for eight years. She has recently made the decision to leapfrog and follow her instincts to find her true purpose in life. She has completed her 200-hour yoga teacher training and is now a certified yoga teacher. Emma moved from Australia to the island of Koh Samui in Thailand. She is very curious to see where this journey leads her to. You can follow her here on Instagram.
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