"Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to make an incredible breakthrough." ~ Unknown
I had hit rock bottom.
Well, that means different things for different people. Let me explain what my bottom was.
I start with my physical health. I was underweight, about twenty-five pounds. My face looked thin and skinny.
I was hypertensive even though I was eating healthy. I also had severe eczema. The itching was so bad that I woke up with blood-covered legs in the middle of the night.
The only thing that made the eczema less itchy was when my wife covered my whole body with bags of frozen peas.
In addition, my energy was down the drain. On some weekends I was in bed all day.
My feelings were everywhere. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I was anxious, stressed, depressed and there were a few times when I wanted to end my life.
The only thing that kept me from doing so was the potential pain that my wife and family would experience. I couldn't get her through.
I was so ashamed of my state and was so afraid of being judged that I completely isolated myself from all relationships. So I lost touch with all of my friends.
My work performance had become so bad that my employer withdrew and took legal action against me. However, I cannot blame them.
Most of my life I had been a high-flyer. Most of the time I got what I wanted. I kept wondering how I got it so bad?
Here are some of the lessons I want to share in the hope that I can help someone avoid a similar breakdown. When I started using these lessons, I saw a massive improvement in my life.
1. Let go of the control.
I have a confession: I am a bit of a control nut. What kept me from living a fulfilling life was to resist and to control the present moment, especially if it did not meet my expectations.
I would do everything in my power to either avoid or change the situation. I have found that whatever you resist will persist. The more I resisted unwanted situations, the more they appeared in my life – because I hadn't yet learned the lesson.
Eckhart Tolle wrote: "Life will give you the experience that is most helpful for the development of your consciousness."
It took me a while to learn this way of thinking. To say I'm stubborn is an understatement. But I finally learned the secret of surrendering and walking with the river.
Resistance creates emotional turbulence that deprives you of your energy. You can even see how resistance manifests in your body. For example, you could frown or tighten your chest, stomach, or shoulders. Let it go and let it be.
We humans are too short-sighted to recognize the long-term benefits of this supposedly terrible situation, which we are opposing. But trust me, in the long run it will make you a better version of your old self if you accept it and let yourself learn from experience and grow.
2. Don't try to do everything on your own.
Pride can kill you. It almost killed me. Not only am I stubborn, I also thought I knew better than everyone else. That made me do everything alone because I didn't trust anyone.
Now I am much more trustworthy and can let go of some responsibilities. I'm still on the cutting edge. But instead of having too much on my plate, I prefer to find someone who achieves the desired results and work with him as a mentor, coach or consultant. And that applies to all areas of my life. It's much faster, cheaper, and less frustrating.
3. Trust your belly.
If you ignore your belly, allow people to impose their will, beliefs and opinions on you. Your stomach knows best.
It's about building your intuition and listening to your instincts. Sometimes we know what to do, but we avoid the situation because we are afraid of it or afraid of the possible outcome.
If you avoid your gut for too long, it stops whispering and starts screaming. Because it is also the nature of the universe to communicate with you. I tell you that you are not living according to your highest values.
It's cool that we have this built-in tool that can guide us through life. At the same time, it is heartbreaking that some people do not know this or refuse to use it. Don't be one of them.
4. Give up the "if / then" illusion.
"If I am successful, I am happy." I know it sounds cliché, but life is all about travel. Because there is no goal …
There will always be a new challenge you are looking for. Think about it, every time you hit a certain milestone, you probably asked yourself, "Is that it?" And then you pursued a new goal and thought it would give you the fulfillment you want.
Trust me, this fulfillment never comes. Fulfillment can only be found in the present moment. The trick is to be thankful for your current blessings, however small they may be.
And also separate from certain results. Do you remember rule 1? Go with the river!
Don't make the mistake I made by saying that you are satisfied when X, Y, or Z happen. The planets will never align. The right time is now.
5. Commit to a routine.
Routine and structure keep us healthy in the face of chaos and uncertainty. There are so many things we have no control over. Especially the situations (sometimes undesirable) that life gives us.
When we feel overwhelmed, the best way to ground ourselves is through a routine, including a morning routine, to get your day off to a good start.
This can include exercise, meditation, journaling, visualizing your ideal future, reading a spiritual book, etc. Doing a morning routine is like exercise. You don't always feel motivated to do so, but you will feel like a new person afterwards.
6. Build a strong foundation.
I have always pursued the wrong goals (wealth, success, money), to the detriment of my physical and emotional health and my relationships.
I learned the hard way that no amount of money can buy these three things. If you don't have it, you have nothing.
I see so many "successful" people who make this mistake. You reach the top of the mountain without these three things and then become depressed or even commit suicide.
Trust me, it's not worth it. Take time for self-sufficiency – exercise, eat well, sleep well, go outside – and prioritize time with the people you love. Once these three basic elements are in place, you can pursue the more material goals.
7. Stop chasing happiness.
So this is a bit controversial, but listen to me. There is a universal law that keeps the balance in the world. It's like a pendulum.
If you swing too far to the right, you swing just as far to the left. That happened to me. I pursued happiness and resisted sadness because I thought I would do something wrong if I felt depressed.
I learned that if I swing too far to the right (happiness) by swinging the pendulum to the left (sadness), the universe will bring me back to the center.
Would you like to know what is in the middle of the pendulum and how you can stay balanced? It is love and gratitude – two things you can feel no matter what is going on in your life.
The universe knows this in its infinite wisdom and tries to teach us this. So make a gratitude journal if you get a chance. Or be thankful for the little things in life whenever they appear. The things we sometimes take for granted.
8. Be authentic.
I always admired my grandmother. Not for her baking and cooking skills, but for how honest she can be. She is saying it. She doesn't try to be something or someone she isn't. And I've seen this pattern in a lot of older people.
I suspect that they have learned that life is too short to be fake and not to speak their mind. This is the exact opposite of my behavior.
I tried to be something someone else wanted from me. Or worse, I agreed with the people because I wanted their consent, even though my stomach didn't agree (Rule # 3!).
Anyway, I've learned to be honest even if it's uncomfortable. I now express my opinion (even if it hurts) and people respect me more for it.
I'm not saying that you should be mean and insult people. I say be noble and be true to yourself. I know it can be difficult, but the long-term benefits are worth it.
9. Live life according to your own values.
I have learned from my experience that the meaning of life is to live life on your terms. Whatever that may be. The mistake I made was living life on someone else's terms. Living life through other people's values instead of my own. We only know what is best for us.
This allows me to respect other people's values, even if they don't match my own. Although I think I know what's best for someone else, I don't know! I have no right to judge them or their situation. Everyone has their own journey. And let me share another secret with you …
If you know what you want from life, give it! If you want love, give love. If you want money (value), give value. If you want respect, give respect.
10. Choose consistency instead of intensity.
I am very intense and have always tried to pursue my goals instead of getting involved in things.
Well, that may work for some people, but these people are in the minority. What helped me more is being moderately consistent.
I learned that if I gave everything I would tend to burn out.
Take practice as an example. Let's say you want to get fit. You are motivated and hit the treadmill hard for 30 minutes on the first day! The next day you are sore and miserable. This pain lasts for four to five days.
Compare that to the man who trains moderately and consistently for ten minutes every day of the week. He is not sore and stiff and trains seventy minutes in a week, while the intensity type trains only thirty minutes a week.
This principle ties in with a great quote from Tony Robbins: "We overestimate what we can achieve in a year and underestimate what we can achieve in a decade." So don't be the turtle that wins the race the rabbit.
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The biggest snack I want to give you is to focus on love. At the end of the day, that's all. Dear others, love what you do and above all love yourself. It is hard to love others completely if we do not love each other first. You can't give what you don't have.
Apart from that, I would like to learn from you! What valuable life lessons have you learned in your life up to this point?
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