<img aria-beschreibungby = "caption-attachment-25235" data-attachment-id = "25235" data-permalink = "https://ct.counseling.org/2021/07/from-the-president-shaking-it -up-and-tapping-you-in / sylvester-kent-butler-branding-session / "data-orig-file =" https://ct.counseling.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Butler -Head-Shot.jpg "data-orig-size =" 800,1000 "data-comments-opened =" 1 "data-image-meta =" {"aperture": "8", "credit": "RTW Photography "," camera ":" NIKON Z 7_2 "," caption ":" "," created_timestamp ":" 1621265534 "," copyright ":" RTW Photography "," focal_length ":" 98 "," iso ":" 125 "," shutter_speed ":" 0.008 "," title ":" Sylvester Kent Butler – Branding-Session "," orientation ":" 1 "}" data-image-title = "Butler" data-image-description = "
Professional portrait of S. Kent Butler, the 70th President of the ACA
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p. Kent Butler, 70th President of the ACA
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S. Kent Butler, 70th President of the ACA
Typing this column
comes two days after I learned that I lost a cousin of mine. Please understand that the comments I make are from a raw place and should be understood as such. I may write this as the "human ego", not the "adviser ego".
The circumstances are still unclear, but the way the call came in, it seems that my cousin took his own life. He had some pretty big life problems to contend with. We were separated because of the distance, but how much I wish he'd reached out to let me or someone else know he was hurt. I wish I had known something was going on and, in turn, turned to him. So now I sit there and ask myself: What was really in my power?
I sympathize with my cousin's immediate family. You are very busy and will have to do so for the weeks and months to come. To be honest, they've already dealt with more than their fair share over the years. If there really could be a silver lining in this scenario, it is that they are people of faith. I know they'll get through this, but what a lot they'll have to get through.
Yes, I am a counselor, but at times like these when someone was secretly hurt and they were part of the family and therefore were "in my care", but not in a way that I am in caring for trained, I come to a standstill. A family member was injured miles away and I was not privy to the warning signs. Little did I know there were red flags. So what could I really have done? Had I known, what could I have done?
As a consultant, this is one of my greatest worries because I know that I am only limited in such situations. Even though I may not be able to advise, I believe I can still see the warning signs and help a family member find the support they need to deal with the things that are troubling them. I imagine that I'm not alone with this.
I literally wish I could have helped my cousin. I was just up north two weeks earlier after being away from my family for almost two years. What if I made time for him? My goal was to check on my sisters and older relatives. I haven't made much of an effort to see my cousins and friends. But this is not a pity party; I know that I am not responsible for the final decision my cousin made. Still, that doesn't stop me from wondering. In the midst of a pandemic, Black Lives Mattering, and my own journey, I now have this death on my mind.
This leads me to share the following, but with the realization that we cannot act omnisciently or in several places at the same time as “miracle people” who save lives in one fell swoop. This is not really our gig. Acknowledging this can be key. We may need to learn to grace ourselves because we often override the life changing decisions of others. I do not envy those, especially consultants, who find themselves in this predicament. It's a terrible situation to be in, but I want to be even more aware of the following potential warning signs that are displayed by people I come across. I hope that you will find these potential warning signs helpful on your journey as well:
A feeling of hopelessness
A feeling of worthlessness
Social isolation / feelings of abandonment
Depression
Impulsiveness
Hostility
Ecological damage
Previous suicide attempts / suicidal ideation
Having a close friend or relative who died of suicide
Inability to focus on the future; focus only on the present or negative events
Forge final plans, e.g. B. deal with unfinished business, give away possessions or make amends with others
Verbalizing threats like "I can't take it anymore", "Who would care if I wasn't there?" And "I should stop everything"
Intention to die
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides 24/7 assistance to those in need at 800-273-8255. In addition, the lifeline website (suicidepreventionlifeline.org) offers prevention and crisis resources and best practices for professionals. Another resource is the Crisis Text Line (crisistextline.org). Just send an SMS with HOME to 741741 for free 24/7 support. The International Association for Suicide Prevention (iasp.info) also provides an extensive database of resources for those seeking help.
Next month I hope to share some important lessons about real advocacy for social justice. Until then #ShakeItUp and #TapSomeoneIn.
