"Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are and embracing who we are." ~ Brené Brown
When I was fourteen, I vividly remember the first time I put my fingers in my throat and vomited.
I remember feeling fat, ugly, unworthy and not good enough. I felt like I was out of control and unable to effectively process the strong emotions I was feeling. By binging and flushing, I was able to temporarily let go of these feelings, numb them, and create a fallacy of control in my life.
From that day on, I was consumed with food, weight, exercise, binging and washing up for the next twelve years of my life.
I measured my value using the inches on the tape measure, the letters on my clothes and the numbers on the scale.
I measured my self-worth by the strongly distorted perceptions of the beauty that I had.
The way I looked at myself led to a lifestyle in which I anesthetized my feelings with substances, put myself in risky situations, and hurt the people I loved most.
My self-loathing kept me blocked, emotionally deaf, and gave me a false sense of control in my life. I was adept at wearing a facade of masks all the time – putting a smile on my face was a second nature to hide the ugliness and shame I felt in every pore of my body.
And although I have overcome my eating disorders over the years, the struggle with self-love continues. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to silence the constant pushing and pulling of the internal thought patterns and dialogues that are going on in my head.
The only thing that comforted (and saddened) me is knowing that I am not alone.
Because regardless of age, gender, race, family composition or religion, most of us struggle with a kind of distorted self-image, negative self-talk and self-limiting beliefs. Hold us in the constant cycle of questioning our worthiness.
Although the stories we tell each other based on our personal life experiences, traumas and joys are unique to us, they are collective for human experience.
This post is for everyone who looks in the mirror and flinches …
Who cries when they measure their self-worth by the letters on their clothes, the numbers on the scale or the number of “likes” that they receive on social media…
Those who judge themselves by wiggling their bellies, cellulite on their legs or wrinkles on their faces …
Those who remove their perceived deficiencies in their bodies and damage them through their method of choice – substances, eating disorders, self-harm, risky behavior.
This post is intended for women who are researching the next fad diet and are upset about the color of their roots, their wrinkles or their weight while considering spending their savings on cosmetic surgery to meet society's filtered expectations Ms. "should" look.
For men who measure their masculinity based on the size of their penis, the appearance of their muscles or the hair on their heads.
For the transgender and cis community who feel trapped in a body that is not aligned with the nature of their true being.
For people who refuse to look in the mirror for fear of what they might see.
For people who feel that they are never good enough, strong enough or worthy enough.
I want you to know that you are beautiful enough. You are good enough You are worthy enough.
I know that if you are reading this, you may skim these words and think, "Yes, yes."
But slow down and read them again.
you. Are. Nice.
you. Are. Good. Enough.
you. Are. Worthy. Enough.
No matter how old you are, how big your pants are, how many dimples or pimples you have. No matter how big your muscles are, the hair on your head or the wrinkles in your skin.
You are important.
Your life is important.
The world needs your essence. Your love. Your personality. Your mind. Your uniqueness.
In a world in which we are flooded daily with an average of 6,000 to 10,000 ads that tell us how we should look, how we should live our lives and who we should be, in a world where social media is one filtered lens If you distort reality and only give glimpses into the reality of other lives, it can be easy to add fuel to the fire of self-ironic thoughts and feelings of unworthiness.
What I have learned from my personal struggle with body image, self-loathing and pure distance for every inch of my being is that self-love will look different for everyone and it will take some time to undo the decades of self-deprecating self-talk.
But it can be done.
The rise of body positivity and self-love movement is encouraging, but it can also leave you feeling like it's another thing you're failing at because you just can't get yourself to fully embrace these lumps, bumps, tiger stripes , Pimples and dimples just barely.
From my experience, I found that when you start small and give yourself mercy and compassion, you can begin to change your mindset based on how you see yourself. Below are the steps that I took on my trip that you may find helpful for your own trip.
Do the deeper work.
Start to understand how your subconscious and self-imposed limiting beliefs from your personal experiences hold you. The neurosciences show us that we can reprogram our unconscious beliefs. Start being the scientist of your life and find out where these feelings come from so you can become aware of them. The first step in changing habits / beliefs is awareness.
Start small.
Concentrate on the qualities that you love about yourself. The first part of my body that I liked was my fingernails. Yes, my fingernails. But when I got used to saying I loved my fingernails, I moved to other parts of my body and kept the snowball going.
Think of your body as your partner, not your enemy.
This body does so much for you every day. Switch to a perspective of gratitude for all the amazing things it does. These thighs help you walk, this belly processes nutrients to fill you up. These folds are proof of years of love, life and wisdom. Use the holistic healing powers of your breath. Start working with your body on how to help each other.
Take stock of your strengths.
If this is difficult for you, contact someone you love and ask them to tell you in writing what they love about you or consider your strengths. Seriously, that's scary. I understand it because I did it. And I'm so thankful that I did it. I contacted three of my closest friends and family members and asked them what they saw in me. I did this over eight years ago and I still keep these letters in my diary so I can read at times when I can't see what they see.
Consciously concentrate on what makes you excited in life.
It is so easy to waste our valuable time comparing our lives with others, focusing on what we hate about ourselves, or being in the constant cycle of negative self-talk. Instead, make a conscious decision to chase your curiosity.
Have you ever set intentions for your year or your life? Setting intentions is one of the most powerful tips I took at the start of my self-love journey because I was able to focus on the big picture, who I wanted to be, how I wanted to show up every day, where I wanted my life to go, and how my definition of happiness really looked like.
Can you imagine how much passion, happiness and love we would radiate into the world if we could turn off the time we spend building ourselves?
We would change the world.
You really are so much more powerful than you know.
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