"You cannot force anyone to appreciate, respect, understand or support you, but you can spend your time with people who do." ~ Lori Deschene
It can be crippling.
I mean, worrying about what others think of you. This worry can prevent you from achieving your dreams. It can keep you from expressing your true nature and from getting in the way of the life you so desperately want to create.
This worry can easily cause your thoughts to wander to dark places and trigger feelings of insecurity, fear and self-doubt. When it has you under control, do everything possible to avoid rejection, ridicule, and possible embarrassment. Better to be invisible than negative, right?
They know that you shouldn't worry what other people think of you. But that's just easier said than done.
For a long time I felt stuck because I was afraid of other people's opinions. Because of this fear, I was afraid to start a new career path. Eventually I reached a point where I couldn't take it anymore.
I knew that I had to deal with the fear and concern of other people's judgment, otherwise I would not be able to live the life I wanted. And I wasn't willing to compromise here – and neither should you.
To help you overcome your fear of the opinions of others, I have compiled a list of ideas that have helped me. Use this list as a point of contact if you are concerned about what other people’s opinions will get the most out of you.
1. Know that you are not a mind reader.
I used to assume that I knew what other people thought of me. But assumptions often lead to bad conclusions.
When I left my company job to travel and pursue my own entrepreneurial endeavors, I was afraid that ex-colleagues might judge my decision. I thought they would see me as naive, reckless, or stupid if I made that decision.
It turned out that I couldn't have been more wrong. In the months and years that followed, many of them became my greatest supporters! Some said I was brave to go my own way, others commented on their desire to do something similar. The most important thing is, you never know what people are thinking of you unless you give them the opportunity to speak.
2. Understand that this is never about you.
That changed me! Hear this: Judging another person about you is never about you – it's about them. It is a reflection of their fears, limits and perceptions.
One of the closest people in my life told me that I made a mistake by quitting my company job to start my own business.
First of all, I had the feeling that he judged me and did not support my decision. I later realized that his reaction was a reflection of his beliefs, fears, and views of the world. For him, working for a company meant security and a good life.
When I realized that he always had my best interest in his heart, I felt nothing but compassion and love for him. Ask yourself: what do I want to make sure you make the right choices? What is right for me
3. Stop judging yourself.
Often we are so aware of what we are uncomfortable with that we look to others to confirm our beliefs. So the judgment we fear from others really reflects what we judge ourselves for. Sneaky right?
Be honest with yourself, what do you judge yourself for? This can be related to your health, your career, your relationship status, your life situation or your appearance. Then ask yourself why you are judging yourself for it. What beliefs drive the judgments? Do you think it's wrong to prioritize careers over family? Do you think it is bad to be the center of attention?
Once you question these beliefs and stop judging yourself, you can make peace with who you are and the decisions you have made, good and bad. Once you have achieved acceptance, you will no longer fear the judgment of others because you stand behind you.
4. Stop judging others.
The more we judge others, the more we believe that they judge us. It is a doom-loop. Instead of judging others by their choices, character, religious beliefs, clothing, or anything else, be curious about the differences and diversity.
Are you wondering what you can learn from this person? Why is this person in a way? Maybe there are reasons for that. As Wayne Dyer said, "When you judge another, you don't define him, you define yourself."
5. Use your concern as a guide.
What do you worry about others judging you for? Perhaps it is due to your professional position, your life situation, your relationship status, your insecurities, your appearance or your intelligence. This worry is telling you that there is either something you need to accept and make peace or something you need to change.
Perhaps you can embark on a new career path that feels more aligned with your values. Or maybe you can view your situation today as a stepping stone to something better. When you approve of yourself and your life, other people's opinions don't matter that much.
6. Expect reactions from others.
Instead of trying to avoid reactions from others, expect them! Whenever you try a new plant-based diet, change your career, or go into your geeky hobby, expect people to say something about it. And take it as a good sign, because it means you are doing what is right for you, even though people will have opinions about it.
As Aristotle said: "There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing". And that's not you, is it? You are here to live to the fullest, to follow what arouses you and to be the incredible person you are.
7. Focus on long-term happiness.
The judgment and criticism of others can be harmful. But it will never hurt as much as regret. Do you know what most people regret on their deathbed? This: "I wish I had the courage to live a life that is true to myself, not the life that others have expected of me."
Be ready to judge and criticize in the short term in exchange for what will serve you in the long term. Focus on living a life that is true to yourself rather than the life that others expect you to live.
8. Approve yourself.
Acceptance from you is what matters, right? Once you approve of yourself, stop worrying about other people's opinions. You have the only permit that matters most: your own.
Look at your imperfections, shortcomings, and the decisions you would have liked to have made different, and accept them all. Know that you are enough. Know that you did the best you can from where you were once. We all want you to be who you are supposed to be – including the quirks, flaws, and imperfections.
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It is difficult to live with the worry that others will judge you. It can hold you tight, paralyzed, and separated from the life you want to live.
It is time to take back your power. Using this list, pick a resonance point or two and practice. When you're done, return to the list and choose another point.
Stop living according to other people's expectations and start living a life that is true to yourself.
Now go out and show the world what you are made of. We are waiting eagerly.
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