"Hope can see that there is light in spite of all darkness." ~ Desmond Tutu
I hate my life. Does this statement even sound right to you? Do you feel like you're at the bottom? The good news is that it might not be as bad as you fear.
I spent a lot of time being scared of everything.
I had an emotional breakdown and it suddenly made life seem terrifying. What's happened? Had the city I lived in changed? Had my country suddenly changed?
No, I had changed the filter through which I saw the world from hope and joy to fear and hopelessness.
My biggest problem was not that I felt terrible, but that I had unconsciously let myself into the idea that the problem was "out there" or that maybe I was mad. It terrified me to experience this darkness in which everything looked bleak and hopeless.
When we believe in our self-talk and our perception of our terrible life
What really happened was that after a series of bad experiences I got very sad and then much sadder. Little did I know that after the initial painful problems, I continued to have a lot of anger with my thought processes.
I only saw the darker parts of life through my perception filter. Everything felt grayer somehow. It gradually got worse and I anchored myself more and more in the grip.
Did the bad situations cause it? Maybe, but the real problem was that I had switched my filter to gray and I was stuck there. The more I saw the world like this, the more I expected it. The more I unconsciously expected it, the more evidence my senses found to confirm my fears.
Therapists and books that tried to help me to overcome my pain and suffering took me back to the time of breakdown and even back to my childhood.
I identified the original problem and "worked through" it. I agree with the need to work on old wounds and baggage to some extent and it is sometimes critical to mental wellbeing. For me, however, it was re-traumatizing and mostly just unearthed old things that I had already accepted. I was always in first place. Far from recovering, I was in a regression circle.
What kept me from thinking about it was simple: The bad situations I had been through were long gone and I had forgiven and grieved, but I still felt bad. The only reason I could find was that I needed to do more healing work for the past. However, now that I look back, it seems to be my own belief that the problem was still there.
The wake-up call
Here was an important truth bomb for me: While I had certainly had traumatic experiences when they happened, I was the one who was now maintaining my pain. I had a habit of hating my life.
Did that mean it was my fault? No, I only did what we all do. I had practiced feeling awful every day, and after about a month it had become a habit. I was a professional anxious person.
Yes, maybe the initial upsets or difficulties in my life were bad, but they didn't happen anymore. I kept her alive in two ways: 1. By learning habitual behavior, and 2. By constantly searching to find out why I was still feeling bad.
Do not put a Happy Face sticker over it.
There is a lot of talk about toxic positivity and concerns about putting a happy face sticker on problems. I understand people do that sometimes. It's irresponsible to run away from a real problem, but I don't think most people who talk about toxic positivity are really warning against it.
I believe a lot of people who talk about toxic positivity are actually stuck with their filter on gray, arguing for their own limits.
The idea of “love and light” has an increased stigma. It has become an almost contemptible topic. I agree that it is ridiculous to think that "love and light" is the answer to everything. But if you find yourself trapped in old things and find yourself feeling less than happy about your life, I urge you to give it a try before ignoring it as naive or evasive.
Please remember that even some apparently very wise spiritual and transformative helpers or gurus are themselves still very much in their ego. They still want to be the hero who fights their pain and talks about their survival. Just because someone is known and loved doesn't make them less human. Just because they claim they know better doesn't mean they do.
Positivity gets a bad rap at certain places on the internet, but please remember that this idea that we don't have to deal with the difficulties is ancient and has always been supported by mystics and gurus.
]
As the old Buddhist proverb says: “Pain is inevitable; Suffering is optional. “I understand that there is a time and place where you can face pain – dealing with circumstances and dealing with grief are incredibly important. But we don't have to suffer beyond the original pain.
How to feel pain without being caught in suffering
Yes, you will run into difficulties and at times they will be awful, awful and shocking. However, once you've completed the initial processing and the grieving process is already well underway, there is a lot to be said about introducing a Happy Face sticker! Don't go over the wound, but miss it. We don't have to deal with toxic positivity or negativity.
What do I mean by the initial treatment of life difficulties? It will be different for everyone and it depends on the circumstances, but what I really mean is this: give yourself a reasonable amount of time to feel the emotions and then put in efforts to move your life forward!
Nobody would expect you to be happy the day after a terrible crime or the death of a loved one. This is ridiculous, and what is really meant by toxic positivity – the idea that no matter your circumstances, you should be happy all the time.
But at some point we have to decide to change our perspective and find reasons to smile because it only happens if we can.
Put a Happy Face sticker next to it and hang it there.
If you really hate your life you may have reached the stage where you began to believe that it will never get better. Take it from someone who knows this is not true. You are awake and breathing now, so there is still hope to turn it all around. I did. I am no more special than you, I have no special skills. If I can, so can you.
If you are clinically ill, get help, that goes without saying. If you are not sure, contact a doctor for assistance and their opinion. It is a must-have!
If you are certain that you do not need medical intervention, take a risk and try the “positive thinking and acting” method described below.
What I am suggesting below is what I did and it worked for me. It worked for customers. Does that mean it will work for you? No, not necessarily, and maybe you'll do it a little differently. But hopefully you can understand and try the essence of what I am suggesting.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
4 ways to be happier (The not so magical formula)
First, override the idea of avoiding "toxic positivity" and try this 20 minute morning routine for a few weeks. Never have I ever let anyone report that it made them feel worse.
Exercise as soon as you get out of bed.
Okay, go to the bathroom first! Then take two to ten minutes to do some stretches, weights, or aerobic exercise. Make music and then start.
I do fifteen minutes every morning with two small weights and a resistance band. I do five minutes on my legs with the resistance band, five minutes on my core on the floor or with the weights, and five minutes with the weights on my arms. My body looks better and my comfort chemicals are pumping.
Make a few sheets of paper with goals, quotes, or a vision board.
Put them in the area where you will be doing your exercises and read or look at them as you move to get into an empowered mindset. You can insert pictures, quotes or ideas.
I have thirteen sheets of paper and a lot of sticky notes. I don't read everything perfectly every day, but I read most of it every day while working on my arms. I mainly have quotes from my favorite transformation writers as I'm not a huge fan of setting specific goals, but whatever you choose is yours.
Gratitude Journal.
Take a minute and list three things for which you are grateful. This is a minimum requirement. When you have the time, consider writing intentions for the day or listing how the universe has helped you lately.
Even if you feel that there are twenty things to complain about, if there is one good thing, write about it.
A great addition to these exercises is to look back on days gone by and see how much you must be grateful or how many of your intentions you have made. If you feel that you failed to accomplish any of your intentions, remember that it has not! If you are writing your gratitude journal in more than one day, appear for you and keep it up a bit. Large numbers of people won't even get that far.
Be compassionate with yourself and be grateful that you showed some commitment to yourself, however small this effort may be.
Hear something motivating and optimistic every morning.
I do this while I'm getting dressed or making my to-do list. I see something that talks about empowerment, what we can achieve, what is right with me and the world and not what is wrong.
Should I bury my head in the sand or deny that something is wrong in the world? No, it is that I am pumped and empowered to actually take on the task of life.
There is so much free content on social media to access. Do a social media search and start finding material that will get you thought-provoking in a positive and purposeful way every day.
Nobody is enthusiastic about pain or the destruction that spreads before them. Even if it is difficult to face, it is crucial that we can remodel it something so that we can see it as a positive challenge rather than just a painful experience.
When we do this, it is not to be irresponsible or to avoid reality, but to give us the best chance to accept what we have to do with enthusiasm and good energy. In this way we are more used to ourselves, the people around us and the world
Snack: Summary of the plan to eliminate the pain
You don't like your life … Okay, don't panic.
Take a moment to determine if you might need medical attention. If you are not sure, contact a doctor. When you have done this and you are sure that you don't have a clinical reason to feel this bad in life, ask yourself if you expect to feel better before you've had a decent time to learn from a recent one To mourn or recover from the event
When something bad has happened you need time to feel and process it. The world seems to encourage us to always feel great, and that's not realistic. Our minds naturally want to process a simple solution rather than painful experiences, but this only prolongs it in the long run. Make sure you're not rushing a sensible grieving process.
If you hate your life today, go back to yourself and ask yourself if maybe you are just having a bad few days. Nobody feels happy all the time, and it is unhealthy to expect you to do so.
If you've checked for medical reasons and don't have a passing and reasonable explanation for why you are feeling so bad, then you should try the ideas above and see what a positive start to your day could mean for you.
Do it for a month and see what changes.
Maybe starting the day with exercise, motivation and gratitude won't work, but I would be surprised if it wasn't! Will it solve all of your problems? No of course not. But hopefully it gives you a boost of positivity and a sense of hope and shows you that you can make changes that can help you feel better about your life.
Once you see that small changes can make a big difference, you will be amazed by all the other things that you can change and improve in your life. It gets you out of reverse into first. It may seem small, but it's a start and a very positive one!
About KS Abbott
Kat is a storyteller and intuitive energy reader. It is here with the message of universal guidance that we must "open our hearts" to live meaningful and fulfilling lives. Kat spreads this message through personal "intuitive healing readings", her books, and free social media content. You can find all of this at www.ksabbott.com.
Typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix the problem!
