“Life is not always fair. Some people are born into better environments. Some people have better genetics. Some are in the right place at the right time. If you try to change your life, all of this is irrelevant. All that matters is that you accept where you are, find out where you want to be, and then do what you can today and every day to keep your head up and keep moving forward. "~ Lori Deschene
Like millions of people today, I lost my job. But unlike millions of people, I've now lost the same job twice in a year. Which, strangely enough, makes me a little prepared for it. I would therefore like to tell you how I dealt with the situation at the time and how I am now dealing with it.
I learned that I was released on March 26, 2019, for the first time, and this time on March 26, 2020, both times due to a “lack of business”. The law in Sweden states that the last people to join a company should be the first, and I happened to be one of the last in.
After I was fired for the first time – having an uncertain future ahead of me and dealing with feelings of unworthiness, disorientation, and grief – I was told that a few months later I would be reinstated due to an increase in the volume of business .
What a relief. After all this inner turmoil, I was again considered worthy and greeted back. Back to a life that I knew well, that I would return to refreshed after a break – and had been "on the other side" and looked at what I had lost, now grateful for what I had regained. Not a perspective that many had.
It felt like a roller coaster ride of an experience that made me braver in the face of abysses. I stared from top to bottom and found that I would fly someday if I felt compelled to do so again. After all, to be released was not a fatal fall. Not even a failure. It was a test for my wings.
You can respond to layoffs differently depending on how much you like your job, how much you depend on it, and how much you've invested in it. I believe that for most of us there is a bitter feeling, a feeling of betrayal and failure. After you commit yourself to your company's mission day by day and hour by hour, you are suddenly considered available and unworthy.
And it is a strange thing that even for those who have not enjoyed their jobs, there is a certain nostalgia when they think that they will not return to this place and will not meet the people they used to be will look despised on Monday morning.
Quite similar to one of these separations, when the person you hated when you separated suddenly becomes a person you can't live without.
That was not the case for me when I was released. I enjoyed my job and was not happy with the news.
However, I have done enough personal development work to take a grain of salt and just enough distance from what's going on in my life to gracefully handle the situation. So I want to share my perspective with you.
Here are some of the thoughts that helped me get released both times.
My job is not my life.
I have always tried to create a routine that reminds me that my job is part of my life, but not my whole life.
It is easy to immerse yourself in everything that happens at work – all the personal dynamics, all the challenges, victories, projects, meetings, trips, etc. – to such a deep level that we do our work as a whole Perceive life. After all, work is often what we do, what we talk and think about, all day, every day.
But I noticed that every time I felt most frustrated with work, I did just that: looking at work as if it were my whole life. And if things didn't go well at work, I would feel that my whole life is not going well. Every time I put things into perspective and saw work as just part of my life, my frustrations softened.
At the moment, after being released, this type of strategy is absolutely necessary. We have to see our employment as part of our life (of course as an essential part) and we have to see what our life is outside of our job. Now is the perfect opportunity to see what's there, beyond the great piece of time and energy we call work.
And if you feel that there is nothing left, pay more attention. Who are you around What are you most interested in? What do you like to do without a paycheck? And what makes you happy or relieved when you feel bad? This is a time to take care of yourself and find out who you are under the veil of old routines.
My career doesn't define me.
To a certain extent, you may feel that your career defines you, especially if you feel that your job determines your life, or if you have spent most of your life building a career, that suits your interests. However, the status of your career does not make you a better or worse person or a more or less valuable person for society. And this is a crucial point.
If we lose our job, we may feel that we are no longer useful in the community and this can convey a deep sense of unworthiness. But hopefully, as the world is being shaped, we will return to work that is more conscious, relevant and less harmful to everyone.
If you feel like you lost your sense of identity when you lost your job, work on finding your identity in this crisis. Aren't these the times that really define us? How do we deal with uncertainty and difficult times?
It's okay to mourn.
With so much advice on positivity, it is not surprising that we feel bad when we feel blue or lack energy and patience, and we think we should somehow be productive right away. If we have problems, it is helpful to stop and ask: is it reasonable what I ask of myself? Is it reasonable today? Can I take a break? Can I be a little friendlier?
No matter how well you take your job, you are still experiencing a massive life change. The people you met earlier, the places you used to go, and what you did every day will change. It is huge. So it's okay to complain about this loss. Give yourself space to experience the pain without judgment and unrealistic expectations.
The unknown is the birthplace of possibility.
Every time I made a leap of confidence in my life, I was faced with difficult times as well as good results. And life felt sweeter and sweeter in the face of these setbacks and victories because I felt really alive back then.
Sure, it is great and necessary to have security in life, but our true nature is focused on uncertainty. In reality, nobody knows what the day will bring every morning. You could fall in love that day or lose a loved one. You could be promoted or lose your job. That is the nature of life, unpredictable. But it's also this unpredictability that leaves room for great things. Or why should you buy a lottery ticket, go on an excursion to an exotic location or start a new relationship with a stranger you fell in love with?
Can we rewire our thinking to see this difficult time through the lens of possibility? I think so.
We just have to believe in the unknown and be patient and kind to ourselves. We can believe that the world is going down, or we can believe that the world is changing. We can cry because we have lost our job or smile because we have been given an opportunity.
Finally, the universe is always hiring new people, and you're only a short time away from being reinstated.
About Ana Sofia
At the age of 30, Ana decided to start her life again and move to Scandinavia. With a Masters in Psychology and Cognitive Neuroscience, she helps people from all over the world to develop their lives. If you want to learn more, watch their free 5-video series about changes and connect via their Facebook group or Instagram.
See typing errors or inaccuracies? Please contact us so we can fix the problem!
