"The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom … You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough." ~ William Blake
Many people discover spirituality through suffering. I found my way through years of depression, anxiety and psychosis. Part of awakening is identifying behaviors, traits, habits, or thoughts that do not serve you. When your behavior changes, so does your diet. Not just what you eat, but everything you consume, including what you hear, see, read and notice.
Orthorexia is the term for an unhealthy focus on healthy eating. This sounds like a paradox, as eating a healthy diet improves overall health. There is a turning point, however: good food can become an obsession. You could develop a fear of consuming junk food and your desire to eat well affects your social life or you feel guilty for the time you allow yourself.
Your spiritual diet is not devoid of its own form of orthorexia. Healthy spiritual diet – such as meditation, reading spiritual texts, spending time in nature, serving others – promotes your spiritual health. But there is a turning point.
What if you are guilty of spending an evening on Netflix? Or eat without being mindful? Or be distracted and unfocused? Or not the energy to serve? Or not catch yourself before reacting angry?
What if, when you are afraid, you don't want to record or meditate, or pick up the root cause and filter out? What if you don't want to use the energy to “raise your vibration” or rephrase your thoughts? What if you just want to eat ice cream or go out with friends or have a glass of wine or watch the Champions League?
The time will come when you will no longer crave junk food because the diet of the path itself will satisfy you more than anything. Up until this point, it is much more beneficial to allow yourself to indulge yourself and occasionally do yourself some good without feeling guilty or ashamed, rather than defending yourself too much.
Unconscious escapism vs. conscious escapism
In psychology, escape is defined as a behavior or desire to avoid confrontation with reality. I classify escapism into two categories: unconscious and conscious. This is an important distinction, as most people who practice meditation and mindfulness know to some extent when they are engaging in unhelpful behavior.
Unconscious escapism lacks self-confidence. It is a standard autopilot response to certain uncomfortable feelings. It's not wrong or bad, it's just one way we learn to deal with it. But in the context of spiritual growth and healing, unconscious escapism continues suffering. It distracts us from discomfort and ultimately distracts us from ourselves.
Conscious escapism, however, explores and empathizes the underlying emotions before deciding to indulge itself. Maybe you are just tired, in need of a sense of wellbeing, or just want to enjoy a movie. All of these options are fine and don't make you any less "spiritual". On the contrary, choosing to engage in pointless activity can be a great act of self-compassion.
Conscious escapism is the fraudulent meal
Conscious escapism chooses conventional distractions, knowing that occasional cheating meals do not reflect your overall diet. It recognizes where you are now and allows itself to rely on behaviors from mechanisms that provide temporary solace, and is aware that this is not the ideal solution.
To get physically fit, a manageable and balanced routine and diet are better than an extreme, high-intensity routine and crash diet. Start with high intensity, you will likely burn out and revert to old habits. Instead, as you progress and develop new habits, you may increase the intensity or find that eating well becomes easier.
There is no reason why the spiritual path has to be different. Over the years I've seen the extremes of self-depriving because believing in a spiritual person doesn't … (get angry, eat nachos or other unhealthy food, watch Netflix when I feel bad, argue with your partner, like to buy new clothes, curse, hesitate to tackle their finances …)
Only when I consciously allowed myself to flee did I discover what really benefits me.
Most of the time, I was encouraged to try this route by supportive friends and family who could see that I needed some time off. I've always pushed myself, I've always placed high demands on myself, and these traits of perfectionism have been incorporated into my spiritual practice.
In the course of time my need for conventional escape has decreased. But that doesn't mean I won't skip a meditation session or watch a few episodes of the community to improve my mood if it feels right. Going too far in the other direction creates a feeling of stress or even resentment towards my practice due to spiritual orthorexia.
The spiritual nutrition and differentiation
A word of warning: Conscious escapism is not an excuse to choose the path of least resistance. The ego can also abuse this concept and weave a narrative of deception that will find excuses and reasons for why you deserve not to meditate or why your unique spiritual path finds enlightenment through Game of Thrones.
Be careful and follow the principle of a standard diet. Understand which foods are good and which are not. I know that for a healthy diet I need to eat well most of the time. I know that if I indulge in high-fat, high-sugar junk foods, it leads to decreased health. But I know the occasional treatment is fine.
Knowing when to pamper yourself and when to get the job done is a matter of trial and error. It takes time, practice, and self-sincerity. It takes self-compassion for the moments when you indulge yourself excessively and sometimes know that the path to excess leads to the Palace of Wisdom.
When you find momentum with your practice there may be a tendency to go all-in. The joy and inspiration that comes from meditation or spiritual discussions or insights or from recognizing areas of growth or healing creates a feeling of wanting more. You might feel that the spiritual path is the calling of your life and you will do everything possible to honor it.
That is beautiful and it is worth appreciating the innocence of this intrinsic motivation. However, I'm here to tell you that you can take the day off. You can breathe, pause, and take time to grow or develop.
You can shamelessly give yourself permission to indulge in conscious escapism.
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