"In a way, the one-drop rule still exists in society," said Derrick Paladino, a licensed mental health advisor and professor of counseling at Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. “At first glance I will always be brown to others and not white and Puerto Rican. There is also the direct perception of people by me, which is based solely on the phenotype. "
American society's understanding of race and ethnicity is still largely based on skin color. Although cultural identity is made up of countless factors such as common tradition, language, religion and family relationships, racism is too often in the foreground for people of different ethnicities and communities.
The unbearable white of being
"I really hated being brown because in my youth this was not considered a positive thing in this community," says Paladino, who grew up in a mostly white neighborhood in Connecticut. At a young age he began to add a special prayer to his nightly Ave Maria and our fathers.
"I asked God if I could be white like my father [who was Italian American] when I woke up in the morning," recalls Paladino, a member of the American Counseling Association who, as part of ACAs Multiracial, developed skills for counseling contributed to the multiracial population / Ethnic counseling affects the network of interests. "Every morning I went into our hall and looked at this wooden, ornate – fake gold mirror – and stared in disappointment. I have a picture of this mirror and it is a memory of this fight. "
Paladino received the message "Brown is bad" from his paternal grandfather, an unrepentant racist who disapproved of the marriage of Paladino's parents and was hostile and disrespectful to his Puerto Rican mother. When Paladino was born, his grandfather asked his mother "if the baby was black," says Paladino.
"I always felt that my grandfather preferred my brother because he had fair skin," added Paladino.
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Paladino believes that his mother probably downplayed his legacy as a colored person because she thought it would protect him, but the approach instead contributed to his self-stigmatization. Paladino's parents never spoke to him about being biracial and how it could affect the way others in the community viewed him.
Colorism is also a problem within the Latinx community. Despite the fact that most Latinx people are multiracial, it's still appreciated to be of European descent, says ACA member Carlos P. Hipolito-Delgado, an associate professor of advice at the University of Colorado, Denver, who is developing the ethnic identity of Chicanas / os and Latinas / os and the effects of internalized racism on color students.
Those in the community who are Afro-Latin descendants experience the greatest stigma – often considered too dark to be Latin but not African enough to be African American, explains Hipolito-Delgado. "You can't turn, no cultural support," he says.
Sometimes belonging is not about color and perception of race, but about other cultural signifiers. As a student, Paladino attended the University of Florida, where he eventually met numerous fellow students who looked like him. He enthusiastically joined a group of Latino students on campus, only to find out that he was "not Latino enough" because he didn't speak Spanish or had certain common experiences.
This experience – to be part of different worlds but not to be part of it – is not unusual for people with a biracial and multiracial background. After all, we still live in a society that largely equates identity with a check mark in one of the few racist "boxes". In such cases, multicultural people are often relegated to "others", but instead of shading squares, they create their own categories from the cultural elements with which they resonate.
Pieces of the cultural mosaic
Hipolito-Delgado recommends people with a diverse background to learn as much as possible about their culture and history. "Think about what matters to you and what speaks to you, not what the media say," he says. He explains that in his time as a university professor, he saw many first-generation or immigrant Africans who had a stereotypical picture of what it means to be African-American, including dressing like rappers and exclusively hip-hop hear even if these weren't things they particularly enjoyed. "It wasn't exactly a piece of it," he says.
Hipolito-Delgado encourages multiracial people to experience pieces and parts of their heritage to find out what feels authentic to them. "You don't feel like you have to do X, Y or Z," he says. "First look back at your family. … what's your story? What is your experience What spoke to you "
“Ask yourself what has confirmed and made me happy so far. For example, when my mother makes tamales for Christmas, ”says Hipolito-Delgado. He notes that his mother recently threatened to skip making tamales this year, but a united family uprising – which focuses on the need for a significant shared cultural experience – has thwarted this notion.
Hipolito-Delgado recognizes that the search can be difficult and that it can be helpful for biracial and multiracial people to have a guide. However, this may require you to appear at a community group meeting that is not readily accepted. A first visit could be met by looks and people saying the person doesn't belong there, but Hipolito-Delgado encourages those who really want to learn about this piece of their culture to keep trying. The third or fourth time, the members of the group usually recognize that the person is authentic. Being greeted with hostility initially can be troubling, but it's understandable. As Hipolito-Delgado explains, colored people often have a legitimate fear of the outsider based on a long history of people coming in and adopting their traditions.
Paladino sought community through social groups and individual friends, but says that his sense of cultural identity only really consolidated when he was on his master’s degree, also at the University of Florida. At this point, he began to gain a deeper understanding of the importance and experience of being biracial through his multicultural advisory class.
Paladinos' self-confidence changed in college, as applies to most students of all backgrounds. "I have found that the community is very important for students and in my private life," he says. “In a way, our self-confidence is related to what we surround ourselves with. College students run in many social circles – mini-communities – and depending on the degree of their perceived connection, they fall into a continuum of feeling fully connected and feeling completely alienated. … The students experience a strong self-confidence when they can be completely congruent and real in other rooms without changing in order to feel connected. "
For many people with mixed race backgrounds, this is difficult to achieve during college years and throughout life in general, Paladino says. The struggle with one's own identity can create the feeling of balancing on a fence between the worlds – an act that requires considerable energy, he says.
If this feeling of inappropriateness is profound and long-lasting, it can have profound effects on a person's mental health and symptoms of depression and anxiety, low self-esteem, low self-efficacy and harmful coping mechanisms, explains Paladino. In other words: "It's not good to be separated from society," he says.
Paladino, however, warns the advisors against assuming that all clients with a multiracial background have to or want to speak about their racial, cultural and ethnic identity when advising. “Consultants should notice it when taking it in and ask if the client sees it as part of their job. If the customer says no, we should honor and respect that, ”he says. "It can eventually become part of the therapy because the identity is usually at a certain level, but we don't push for it." Looking back on the history of anti-miscegenation, the limits of the census, the one-drop rule and the continuation of parts of society that disapprove of interracial unions, a lot of power and voice have been taken from this population. The last thing a consultant wants to do is to continue. "
Paladino urges counselors to learn about the multiracial population by reading personal stories and reviewing both ACA's competencies in counseling the multiracial population and its advisory skills for multicultural and social justice (see Counseling .org / knowledge-center / competencies). and learn more about multicultural and interracial organizations.
"There is a lot of information that is increasing," he says. “If you work in the student advisory service, check whether there is a student cultural organization that meets the student's wishes in a community. If the client wants to work on discovering their identity, it can be very helpful to interview a family they feel safe with, or to examine the population themselves. "
Paladino emphasizes that the problems faced by the multiracial population can be as diverse as the people themselves. Although there is no one-size-fits-all approach to working with multiracial customers, he recommends some tools that may be helpful in researching identity, including:
Using an ecological framework such as an Ecomap
Provision of psychoeducation
Use of bibliotherapy
Introduction of Maria P. P. Roots "A Bill of Rights for Racially Mixed People"
Conducting a free expression of emotions associated with lived experiences
Paladino encourages consultants to enable clients to identify themselves in any way they want – e.g. B. only by race, culture, or ethnicity; as a biracial, multiracial or mixed breed; as a diverse heritage, multi-ethnic, bicultural, hapa or mestizo – by incorporating the entire range of admission forms.
"Don't expect them to write it under" Others "," he emphasizes. After all, too many of these clients have been treated "differently" throughout their lives.
Advice for mixed-race couples
Melody Li is a licensed marriage and family therapist from Austin, Texas, who specializes in advising multiracial couples. Her approach focuses on social justice and creating a place to understand the oppression that has made it difficult for clients to thrive individually and as a couple. Li believes that this is essential to build client confidence in the therapeutic relationship, but it is also a practical necessity because life does not take place in a vacuum.
For example, the coronavirus pandemic disproportionately affects people with skin color, Li notes. Asian communities experience violence, migrant companies are lost, one or two family members try to support communities of large families and friends, and the death of Browns and blacks are swept under the carpet, she emphasizes. If one partner in a couple minimizes the other's racial struggles or how his family deals with the crisis, this partner can feel isolated and alone in his grief.
What is particularly difficult about the pandemic is the way it disrupted everything, put plans and goals on hold (if not permanently derailed) and left many things out of people's control, Li says There is also a systemic pattern in which marginalized communities are often first and hardest hit by disasters.
In collectivist cultures, the response to the individual tragedy is shared by the community, Li emphasizes. Some of the couples she advises are currently trying to conceive or have recently had miscarriages while financially supporting multiple family members support those who have lost their jobs or businesses and have access to medical care. "You [the couples] experience disappointment and grief. Having added [sense of responsibility] is hard, difficult, ”explains Li.“ Without this understanding of collectivism, [one partner] could say, 'Why is it up to you? We all have problems. "
For the other partner, however, collectivism is part of its cultural and personal strength. So Li will work with the couple to come to an understanding and ultimately a compromise. She guides the partner who makes the request through the steps of non-violent communication: make an observation, state how the situation being observed feels, state what they need to respond to the emotional response, and act An inquiry.
For example, the partner could say: “When my family asks for support and you describe them as overbearing or too demanding, I feel small and misunderstood. I feel that you do not understand my culture and our strengths, and I need this confirmation from you. Would you be willing to learn more about our family dynamics and what is nearby? "
The other partner can recognize and respect the tradition behind the request, but is still concerned. So this partner could say, "I understand and want to help you fulfill your wish to do anything to support your family, but I believe that it will be emotionally and financially overwhelming to take responsibility for everyone's needs take over." Is there a way to provide some of the resources you need and possibly help you find other resources? "
Ramadan also appeared recently and, like other religious festivals such as Passover and Easter, performing traditional rituals under quarantine was a challenge. As Li notes, “A partner might say: what's the big problem with fasting and when you have to see the family? We are in crisis. … It's not a big deal. Why don't you just skip it this year? "
Li notes that such minimization by one member of a multiracial couple is detrimental to the other. It would help the partner develop a more respectful message, such as: “I know this is important for you, your people and your family. I understand the meaning and want to include as much as possible [tradition]. How do we minimize risk while following the rituals? "
Transracial Adoption
“Adoption is really complicated. It's not a win-win situation, ”says Amanda Baden, an ACA member who specializes in working with transracial adopters and their families. “Adoptions have gains and losses; you don't just get one without the other. "
This dynamic can be particularly pronounced in transracial adoption, which is why it is particularly important that adoptive parents do not keep what Baden calls "antiquated adoption ideas", such as the chosen child or the story of the rescue. "The story of the chosen child ignores the fact that they have to be released [children] in order to be selected," she says. Some adoptive parents from western countries may also consider international adoption a “salvation” without taking into account the loss of ethnic or biological ties in the child.
Baden, an advisory psychologist who is herself a transracial adoptive, does not condemn such adoptions. However, it becomes problematic if families do not see the need to expose these children to their birth culture. Some families do not take into account how the rest of the world perceives their transracial child.
Baden, whose practice is in New York City, sees many adopted children and adolescents who have difficulty being Asian but feel white even though the world clearly doesn't see them that way. The adoption is obvious – an Asian child with two white parents – so these children are often asked questions like, "Who is your real mother?" Baden says. When the family goes to restaurants, the transracial child may accidentally not sit because it is not immediately recognized as belonging, especially if it has a white sibling. Adoptive families often minimize these incidents, which leads to tensions, says Baden.
As transracial children grow older and become aware of how their experiences differ from those of their adoptive families, they begin to realize that they are a colored person, and their parents never really understood that, says Baden . That's part of why it can be so important to have a connection to your birth culture, she adds. Adoptive parents want to believe that it should be enough if they love their children and give them everything they need – but they have never experienced racism themselves, Baden explains.
Baden was adopted before realizing the importance of connecting to a transracial adoptive's birth culture, but she says her parents tried hard. “In my high school with around 550 students, I thought there were three Asian children, including me. … My parents tried to make friends, but there weren't many Asians [in their area]”she says. "We talked about races, which was one of the best things they did." Baden says her parents never tried to pretend she wasn't experiencing racism and never told her that she only had to "take care of it". They also always assured her that the incidents were not her fault.
Ultimately, according to Baden, her parents could have moved to a more integrated neighborhood, which she mentioned to parents who are interested in the adoption of transracial children.
Baden also encourages parents to talk to their children about racism and how to deal with it from the start so that they are prepared for it when they first appear. "Parents want to believe that it won't happen, but it does," she says. "Talk about racism, not about them [the child]; it's about the other person. "
In fact, Baden advises parents of transracial adopters to feel really good when they talk about race. This is something that many white parents struggle with without personalizing it or feeling attacked.
"Many people think racism is just violence, but it is a system," says Baden, noting that politics can be racist. It is not that everyone who is white is racist, but that the system benefits white, Baden continues. One way to explain systemic racism to children could be to say that groups of leaders sometimes treat them differently based on their appearance. However, this does not happen because something is wrong with them (the children), but because those responsible believe that it is okay not to treat everyone fairly.
"One of the things that I'm really worried about is that the bar for parents may have been lowered because it [transracial adoption] has become more common," says Baden. Many adoptive parents want to see themselves as color blind and assume that this will also be the case in the majority of the world. She advises parents not to even think about adopting a child from a race they don't know about. If this is already the case, she strongly recommends that you go out and meet others from your child's birth culture.
"What should I do?" Customers ask Baden. "Go to a black church and say," Hello, my name is like this, I want to be your friend? "
"Yes", Baden replies. "This is what you ask your child for every day."
Baden also works with adult transracial adopts who decide how they want to connect with their birth culture. Some people want to dive in, while others just want to gain some knowledge. It encourages people to connect with adoptive groups.
Baden also helps clients learn more about the different aspects of their birth culture, focusing on how often family structures and expectations vary widely. Adopted people must also consider how their experiences in the white world differentiate them from those that grew up in their birth culture. "It is assumed that certain cultural values are universal and not", says Baden.
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Additional resources
To learn more about the topics covered in this article, use the following selected resources from the American Counseling Association:
Consulting today (ct.counseling.org)
Books (Counseling.org/publications/bookstore)
Advice for Multiculturalism and Social Justice: Integration, Theory and Application, 4th Edition, by Manivong J. Ratts and Paul B. Pedersen
Multicultural issues in counseling: New approaches to diversity, 5th edition, edited by Courtland C. Lee
Culturally appealing advice with Latinas / os by Patricia Arredondo, Maritza Gallardo-Cooper, Edward A. Delgado-Romero and Angela L. Zapata
Ongoing professional development: multicultural (aca.digitellinc.com/aca/specialties/158/view)
"Addressing clients' experiences with racism: A model for clinical practice" with Scott Schaefle and Krista M. Malott
"Advice to refugees: dealing with trauma, stress and resilience" with Rachael D. Goodman
"Multicultural advice with immigrant and refugee communities" with Vivian V. Lee and Courtland C. Lee
"Affirmative Intakes: Creation of Intentional, Integrative Forms to Retain Different Customers" with Shannon M. Skaistis, Jennifer M. Cook, Dhanya Nair and Sydney C. Borden
Advisory skills (Counseling.org/knowledge-center/competencies)
Competencies for advising the multiracial population
Advisory skills for multicultural and social justice
Association for Multicultural Consulting and Development (multiculturalcounselingdevelopment.org)
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Laurie Meyers is a senior writer for Counseling Today. Contact her at [email protected].
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It should not be assumed that opinions and statements in articles that appear on CT Online reflect the opinions of the publishers or guidelines of the American Counseling Association.
