Trust is the basis on which relationships of all kinds are built. Think how much we depend on trust in our everyday life. We trust our teachers to tell us the truth. We trust someone's check won't bounce. Even the money we exchange requires confidence in the value of the currency in our hands. We trust that the products we buy will work properly and will feel scammed when they don't.
And with every secret that we trustingly share with another person – no matter how big or small the secret is – we trust that it will be protected.
Trust comes easily for children in almost all relationships. Whether with parents, siblings, teachers, trainers or sometimes even with advisors – children generally trust quickly. "My teacher said …" "Coach told me …" "My father told me …"
Sexual offenders take advantage of the ease with which children trust by “courting” – by pushing the boundaries a little so that their victims don't ask too many questions. Scammers do the same with adults, chasing our natural human instincts to believe in one another. But once the trust is broken, it will never come back by itself. A breach of trust not only jeopardizes this relationship but all relationships.
In order to protect ourselves, we necessarily have to learn that not all people are equally trustworthy.
In the field of ethnography, the term incorrigible sentences refers to beliefs that are so fundamental to our existence that we do not even question them. The most serious breaches of trust concern incorrigible statements. When these beliefs are challenged, it shakes all of our beliefs. In a way, we say, "If I can't trust this, what can I trust?"
For example, most people are familiar with divorce statistics, but after marriage almost no one expects to get divorced themselves. They trust their spouses. But when the belief that they will always stay together is shattered – through infidelity, for example – their whole world is shaken. The incorrigible claim that people are trustworthy comes into question. Suspicion can spread to any spouse, anyone of a specific gender, or people in general.
Marriage and family therapists see this type of broken trust almost every day. The abused children who come through my office have broken their trust too, and I have to work hard to be worthy of their trust. This is often a monumental task. Their childlike gullibility is long gone when they walk through my office door.
I wrote earlier in this column that confidentiality is the foundation on which most of our ethics as advisors are built. This is so important because it relies on a customer's trust that we don't reveal any secrets.
Sometimes, however, trust has to be betrayed. For example, we need to act when customers pose a threat to themselves or to others. Mandated reporters have no choice but to breach confidentiality if they suspect abuse or neglect. Even sharing therapeutic information with parents or legal guardians can potentially compromise our customers' trust in us. These violations of trust cannot always be avoided.
But perhaps most detrimentally, it is when advisors – those of us who are entrusted with the creepiest and most embarrassing secrets of clients – violate this trust in an unethical way.
Unethical violations of trust can take many forms. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to use a customer's name carelessly while talking to a colleague or to improperly disguise a customer's identity in consultation with a manager.
Most serious is the violation of trust that occurs when a therapist commits obvious breaches of boundaries with a client. Inappropriate touch, inappropriate social relationships and other tremendous violations of boundaries with customers always destroy trust in the long run.
Those of you who have been in the counseling profession for a very long time have probably seen your share of clients who have had bad experiences with previous therapists. Therefore, you have almost certainly experienced the arduous task of proving that you are trustworthy (and that the entire profession is trustworthy) to someone whose personal experience taught you otherwise.
Even more painful for me is the knowledge of all clients who will never risk going to a counselor again. These customers will not seek help for violating the trusting relationship that is at the heart of our profession. Regardless of whether these violations were negligent or willful, the effects are the same. These are the people we lost.
An ethical "oopsie" that violates trust may not be known to anyone. But then again, it could be. Even the slightest violation can damage a customer's trust so badly that they never seek advice again. And that, my dear colleagues, is unforgivable.
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Gregory K. Moffatt is a 30+ veteran advisor and Dean of the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences at Point University. In his monthly Voice of Experience column for CT Online, he seeks theoretical, ethical, and practical lessons from his diverse career as well as inspiration for today's consultants, whether they are just starting out or have been practicing for many years. His experience spans three decades of working with children, trauma and abuse, as well as a variety of other experiences including working with schools, businesses and law enforcement agencies. Contact him at [email protected].
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It should not be assumed that opinions or statements in articles appearing on CT Online represent the opinions of the editors or guidelines of the American Counseling Association.
