“Surreal” is the word that comes to mind again and again. Life has felt like an alternate universe for a while, and it feels even stranger during the holiday season.
After a year of sacrifice, reality demands that we renounce traditions that are close to our hearts and distance ourselves from people whom we believe we have seen without them for too long.
And many navigate the season with a sense of sadness – for lost loved ones, lost intentions, maybe even lost hope.
Maybe it's not you. Perhaps you are full of gratitude for all you have and now appreciate it even more because of the pandemic.
On some days I am too.
There are days when I look around and feel undeniably blessed that my health, my family and all of my needs have been met.
On other days I feel the weight of those long, isolating months and mourn lost time with people I love and the family celebrations that I have with my parents and siblings all over the country from going to miss.
You may find yourself in a similar position, oscillating like a pendulum between gratitude and sadness. And you may be discussing how to logistically, mentally and emotionally approach this season.
Whatever your unique situation, I hope this checklist will help you safely, with peace, hope, and joy approaching the weeks ahead, wherever you can create it.
1. Warning
This is the big one and the hardest to swallow and follow. It was a busy year, one marked by loss and heartbreak for many. We're fed up and want this pandemic behind us – but it's not like that yet. As much as we may be careful and end the year with all the people we love, we must all do our part to protect ourselves and the people around us.
I know it's not the most exciting way to start this list, but I just thought I was getting this list out of the way!
If you haven't seen the CDC Holiday Assembly Guidelines, you can find it here.
Part 2
As you can imagine, different people have very different views on what “caution” means, and some are willing to take greater risks.
For example, my extended family teamed up with at least four different households on Thanksgiving – including some that are regularly exposed to crowds, others without a mask – and they will do so again this Christmas. That's a risk I don't want to take, but I'm 3,000 miles away too. So it's a decision I don't have to make.
When considering family gatherings, it is important to clarify where everyone stands, what precautions everyone takes in their daily life, and what precautions are taken during the day itself. Don't assume you know how someone thinks unless they have clearly communicated it, as it is entirely possible that you are wrong.
3. Empathy
This can be a difficult question. When people make decisions that seem inconsiderate to you, or when they hold beliefs that you simply cannot agree with, you may feel hurt, frustrated, or even outraged. It's difficult to separate a person from their decisions, especially when it comes to something as emotionally charged as the safety of a pandemic, and difficult not to take it personally when their decisions seem selfish to you.
I was here recently and took it very personally. I was angry, I criticized, I judged. What I haven't done is change the mind of others or improve the situation in any way. Then I realized that I had to empathize with people who see things differently than I do. Even if I didn't make the same decisions, I had to understand the feelings behind them and focus on them.
This does not mean that we have to tolerate decisions with which we do not agree or which endanger us in any way. It just means that we accept what we cannot control and prefer love to justice, however justified it may be.
4. Self-compassion
Chances are not easy for you. Even if you're healthy, have a job and a roof over your head, and haven't lost loved ones, this year has likely damaged your sanity. I know it has taken my toll.
You may now feel lonely, discouraged, overwhelmed, impatient or even downright depressed. You might also be frustrated having to change your usual vacation plans at a time when you really could use a little more love, joy, and connection.
It's okay to feel frustrated. It's okay to feel whatever you are feeling, even if you know you are lucky. It's hard to be far from people we love, especially on vacation, and miss out on the traditions we treasure most. Be extra gentle with yourself and know that it's okay when your gratitude is mixed with a variety of complex emotions.
5. Acceptance
I know how tempting it is to live in the resistance every day, especially when you have lost a lot or when things seem unfair. I know how easy it is to get involved with how things should or should or would be, if only …
What I don't know is what specifically you went through or what you are feeling right now. So please know that if I am in your shoes, I am in no way claiming that acceptance is easy or that I could easily do it.
I can only speak to the general idea of acceptance and how it liberates us spiritually when we stop fighting against reality. I know when we accept what we cannot control, we can focus on the things we can control and make the most of them.
I also know that when I come from a place of acceptance – even though it takes time to get there – I feel better about who I am and ultimately about life. I am lighter, more present, more accessible to the people around me and more likely to see opportunities where I previously only saw injustice.
6th perspective
As with everything in life, all of this is only temporary. It won't always be that way. These challenges, these feelings won't last forever. We'll get through this at some point and live more freely. Although life will not be exactly the same for many, if we adjust to life as it develops, we will find a new normal and new reason to smile.
That may be difficult to see now. It may seem like this earthquake shockwaves an experience for years, and we will never find a foothold again. But we are amazingly resilient as humans. You have probably had some profound experiences in your life, and you came out empowered, wiser, and perhaps even enriched because you went through what you went through.
Trust that not only will you likely get through this, but also have many more reasons to smile and many more holidays to celebrate with the people you love. That one year will one day be a crazy story in all of our rear-view mirrors as long as we continue carefully on this somewhat treacherous road in front of us.
7. Ingenuity
One of the gifts of any challenge is that we need to be a little more creative, which in itself can be a source of pride and joy. If you've ever cooked a full meal on a day where you really had to shop, you know what I mean! My mother has a special phrase for it: "Not bad for a litter together!"
Think of this as your throwback – your chance to do more with less, find beauty in simplicity, make the most of what you have, and maybe even start new traditions.
I suspect you have mastered the art of connecting online this year. Now take it to the next level. How can you creatively celebrate with people from afar? And how can you honor the people right in front of you, even if they are just some of the ones you love?
I plan to focus on the excitement of my son's Second Christmas Eve as I think he will appreciate it more this year. I'm going to ask my brother to zoom A Very Brady Christmas with me as we're idiots and see it every year. And I'll be setting up a portal with my family on Christmas morning when they open the gifts I've sent them. So it will be like I'm there.
8. Mindfulness
So here we are. At the end of a strange, painful year of months of more uncertainty and potential stress and struggle. Nobody would blame us for looking back – it's like there's a massive pile of several cars behind us. It's hard not to gawk. And nobody would be surprised if we fearfully look ahead and worry about the possibility of further accidents.
But right now a lot of us are sitting safely in our cars, with heat and music and at least one person we love to play car games with and pass the time.
I realize that this does not apply to everyone. You may not have properly met your needs and you may feel unsafe in your home. If you are, please know there are resources out there to assist you. You can find a few here and here.
If it is not you – if you are relatively lucky, like me, and have a lot to appreciate and enjoy, if you want to be present – the choice is yours. As best you can.
When it is difficult, be good to yourself. Then try again. Try to see the beauty right in front of you, even if you have to look a little closer. Try to hear the magic in the music that is playing even if you want you to be able to swap the lyrics with someone far away. Take a deep breath, take stock of what is going well, and then just let yourself be here in that moment and enjoy what is here to enjoy.
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I think one of the gifts of especially stressful times is that we are reminded of things that are always true, but we often forget: that life is short, nothing is guaranteed, every moment with the people we love , is precious, and each day is ultimately what we make of it.
I know that it is easier for some than others to make the most of the life they live because life is different for all of us. But I also know that when I remember these things, I feel much more present, more peaceful, and more alive. And that's the best way to appreciate the life we are currently living – to choose to live it fully.
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To make us all a little more alert, I am currently running a Christmas sale for my newly launched Mindfulness Kit, which includes four aromatherapy-based products for rest and relaxation and three FREE bonus guides for daily rest.
For a limited time, it is available for $ 29 (usually $ 45). I know many of you have already received a kit for yourself and for Christmas gifts for friends and family. If you haven't already, this may be the perfect time to try it out or give it to someone who could use some relaxation and relief. I hope it brings a little serenity to you or the people you love!
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