"I see now how brave it is to own our history and love ourselves through this process, what we will ever do." ~ Brené Brown
I had just packed all of my possessions into a huge moving truck and moved into a tiny apartment. I'd got a new job in a new town, and everything seemed peach-colored … at least on the surface.
It was a crisp spring evening in 2015 and I had spent all day building all of my clutter into my new home. Picture this: my 350-square-foot loft had sloping ceilings, the smallest kitchen in the world, and virtually no storage space – as you can imagine, this was no easy task.
As I played Tetris with all of my kitchen appliances and tried to fit them in the cabinet under the sink, I became increasingly frustrated. My chest began to burn and a panic attack broke out so suddenly that I collapsed on the floor, gasping for air between sobs.
I was completely surprised. I mean, I was surrounded by things that I picked out on purpose: I'd saved up for them, longed for them, and spent hours shopping for them. Why didn't I feel at home in my new room?
It turned out that the real problem was that I didn't feel at home within myself.
The process of debugging was not easy for me. I felt super attached to seemingly mundane things – cups I had never used, clothes that didn't fit, musical instruments I had never learned – and to let go of them I had to delve deep into my own insecurities.
But in the process I finally found self-acceptance and discovered what was really important to me.
Searching our belongings is so much more than just asking: "Do I need it?" or "does it make me happy?" It means being honest and vulnerable with ourselves – which wasn't something between you and me that I was comfortable with in my crowded life.
Debugging requires that we overcome some of our deepest fears. But when done right, it also gives us the power to cultivate radical self-love.
Here are three ways that you can find more self-acceptance by choosing to let go of your clutter.
1. You make peace with your truest self
There are some things that we don't keep to ourselves, but rather that we wish for.
When I was in school I bought a trumpet. I loved jazz and had a vision of blowing out high Cs like Louis Armstrong – but in reality, I never really spent much time practicing. In fact, I've barely learned to make more than a fart sound with it.
Purchases we make for our "fantasy selves" are generally ambitious and reflect the goals and dreams we have for ourselves. For you it could look like this …
A pair of fancy shoes that you bought because you thought you would wear them on special occasions … but when those events roam around, always reach for a more comfortable pair
Lots of yarn that you swear you will use when you learn to knit someday when you can't seem to find the time to devote to cunning hobbies
A collection of classic novels that you seemingly can't get into, even though you want to be the kind of person who can talk about Dickens and Tolstoy at parties
When there is a separation between your fantasy self and your habits, these items are almost guaranteed to get cluttered. Worse, they turn into clutter that makes you feel like crap when you are not what you are not.
If you felt guilty about not using your yoga mat or noodle maker, consider this your official permission to let go of them. This does not mean that you will never achieve these goals, only that you are not yet able to achieve them. And hey, if you decide these goals aren't right for you at all, that's 100 percent okay too!
When you dissolve your fantasy self, you can be more satisfied with your truest, most authentic self – which I think is way cooler than any pasta maker, right?
2. You learn to trust your resilience
Have you ever been nervous about getting rid of something because you might need it "one day" in the future? Then, my friend, you could have a mess just in case.
When our houses are filled with things that we keep "just in case" it is usually the result of a deep-seated fear of change. In this way we try to be prepared for every possible scenario that life throws at us and we try to gain a semblance of control over all facets of our life.
But here's the thing: that's just not how life works.
No matter how hard we try, we can never fully prepare for the infinite number of situations that could arise in our life. Holding on to this second binder "just in case" the first breaks is an attempt to control a future situation that may or may not ever occur. And when you multiply that mentality by hundreds – or even thousands – of items, it's easy to see how our anxieties about the future can affect our homes.
By eliminating these elements, you can resolve the need for control and rely on your own resilience to overcome obstacles. So if you get rid of this second stapler and in years the first breaks, you may ask yourself:
Is there anything else I can use instead, like a paper clip?
Does this document have to be stapled at all?
Who in my life has a folder to borrow?
By eliminating these "just in case" elements you can sharpen your creative thinking and even strengthen your bond with the community of friends, family and neighbors in your area.
3. You will find more happiness in the present moment
I have not yet met anyone who was not sentimental about at least one thing they owned. And I totally understand! It can be reassuring to be reminded of memories and people we loved.
If you're a sentimental sucker like me, you probably have an urge to keep anything that has memories attached to it. The problem arises when our homes are full of clutter from the past and it prevents us from fully living in the present. And let's face it – living mindfully in the present is probably the key to a happy life, isn't it?
Well of course I am not saying that you have to drop everything that reminds you of people or past events in your life. However, if you want to reduce your sentimental clutter, here are some things to keep in mind:
There can be a fine line between happy memories and painful memories at times. Allow yourself to let go of things that evoke negative emotions or shitty experiences from the past.
Removing an item doesn't mean you are insensitive or not loving the person you are reminded of.
You don't have to keep a whole bunch of items to remember – you can pick your favorite or two and it can serve the same purpose.
If you want to part with a sentimental item but worry about memory loss, you can always take a photo of it. After all, your memories live in you … not in your things.
It is natural to feel attached to the past, but it does not have to be at the expense of your life in the present. If your home is full of sentimental items, letting go of some of them could be key to finding more happiness in your space.
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While we disappoint, we inevitably encounter our connection to the past, our fantasy self and our fears for the future. By working through the emotions behind everyone, we can find a little more peace in the present moment – and ultimately within ourselves.
About Sara Brigz
Sara Brigz is a troubleshooting consultant who can't wait to help you simplify your home, face the emotions holding you back, and get a living lead you look forward to. Her blog Let That Shit Go examines the causes of clutter and how to finally overcome it. When you're ready to find more peace in your home and mind, read their free guide to troubleshooting and say hello on Instagram or Facebook!
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