Counselors work hard to help children and families navigate the unfamiliar areas introduced by the COVID-19 pandemic. Many children, especially those already coping with stressful situations, have seen an increase in anxiety this year due to the pandemic, the spotlight on racial injustices and the resulting conflict, and the various related challenges that 2020 has brought .
In this article we discuss different strategies counselors can use during these difficult times to help children cope with their anxiety.
Clear communication
Children have many questions about the challenges we are currently facing. Adults should explain things clearly and specifically to children. For example, if you are trying to educate a 5-year-old about safety and pandemic, it would be best to say something along those lines: “There is a virus that can make people sick and we can catch it. It's important to wash your hands and leave space between you and other people that's as long as your bed. "
Clear, open communication is the key. Children are naturally curious and it is important to show them that an adult or caretaker is available to share information. If you keep these exchanges simple and age-appropriate, you can calm the child down without causing undue stress.
On the other hand, it is not helpful for children to close a child's request for information (for example, for fear of annoying them). Dialogue with a child is always a good idea as it can relieve some of the tension and turn it into an opportunity for connection and care.
Taming of worried dragons
Jane Garland and Sandra Clark – creators of Taming Worry Dragons: A Handbook for Children, Parents, and Other Trainers – offer an approach that can help children deal with anxiety. A "worry dragon" is characterized by negative or uncomfortable thoughts, anxious feelings and worries that will not go away.
With some people, worry kites only appear occasionally. For others, these creatures are constant companions. The dragons might even present in a herd with some frequency.
It can be very exhausting to use so much energy to worry. Having worries dragons means that a person (or child) has a special talent that is constantly worried. These individuals are likely able to imagine the worst scenario for any situation and see it in vivid colors with all the bloody details.
Children can be taught that tame worry dragons do not frighten people and can even be useful. Below are some tips and tricks on how to improve your dragon taming skills.
Time planning
Children can learn to deal with fears better by stopping thoughts – for example by spending time on worries. When children are actively concerned about issues like death or the possibility of losing a caretaker or other loved one to COVID-19, this skill can come in handy. Note that this type of worry usually starts around the age of 4 or 5. This is when children become aware of mortality (no one lives forever) and other realities. Mixing this knowledge with a child's active and vivid imagination can lead to the emergence of worry dragons.
Using an egg timer for “worry time” works well. If a child repeatedly asks if they are okay because they have been exposed, directly or indirectly, to coronavirus news, a parent or caretaker will set the timer and let the child know they can spend five minutes worrying about the virus. After that, they should leave worries about the virus behind and do something else. Because children like to know what happens next and respond well to routines, this technique can help them get better control of some of their uncomfortable or unwanted emotions.
By using scheduling to integrate worries into daily activities, the anxious child can proactively tame their worries rather than the worries that seize the child's mind at random times during the day (or night).
Creative imagination
Another interactive way to help children deal with anxiety is to have them write or draw their worries on a piece of paper and toss them into a worry jar. By shrinking, utilizing, trapping, or trapping worries in a small space like a glass, the child can make the worries more accessible.
Another possibility is to buy the child some colorful miniature pompoms which they can then put in the glass. When the time comes to work with the glass (e.g. if the child is worried about something in particular and cannot relax), the parent or caretaker invites the child to choose a color (or colors) and talking about it. If it's the concern, they can't let go. This approach helps distract the child (through the texture and visualization of the soft, fluffy, colorful pompoms) while still allowing them to process whatever is bothering them.
Creating a routine
Children live from routine and need planned downtime. Planning the time to relax and recharge is critical to a harmonious home life. A good place to start would be to use some of the tools discussed in this article combined with time for the family to connect, restore, and feel love (preferably without using a tablet or other device).
Deepening the connection with a loved one can be a calming experience when a child's sense of security has been compromised due to the unforeseen circumstances families currently face. The suggestions in this article have been curated to help families navigate these challenging times together and provide children with helpful tools to combat anxiety. These methods can be used regardless of the source of anxiety, as they are designed to increase the level of control in children with anxiety. Helping children improve these skills from a young age can maintain valuable coping mechanisms for life.
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Related reading by Columnist Cheryl Fisher of Counseling Today: "The Counseling Connoisseur: How to Talk to Children About the Coronavirus"
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Celine Cluff is a registered clinical counselor practicing in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. She has a Masters degree in Psychoanalysis from Middlesex University in London and is currently doing a PhD in Industrial Psychology. Her private practice focuses on family therapy, couples therapy, and parenting challenges. Contact them at [email protected].
Victoria Kress is a professor at Youngstown State University in Ohio. She is a licensed professional clinical advisor and supervisor, nationally certified advisor, and certified clinical mental health advisor. She has published extensively on many topics related to counseling practice. Contact her at [email protected].
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