“I think people need to understand that others who don't like you are not a bad thing. When you embody your true authentic self, it creates fear in people who are still operating from the ego. If you want to grow, heal, and evolve, you have to let go to be liked. "~ Audrey Kitching
Since childhood, I have always felt the need to express myself and to let my inspiration flow. I was a creative and playful kid with a vivid imagination and a tremendous passion for writing.
As a teenager, I became interested in music and wanted to be a drummer. It was a spontaneous decision – my intuition suggested that there was something more behind these rhythmic patterns that fascinated me.
Something meaningful, spiritual, something that called on me so strongly that my soul wanted to resonate.
Knowing this, I asked my parents to take drum lessons, but they eventually convinced me that I was dreaming too big. I started thinking that it was too late to start, I would never be good at it, and that playing drums was something only privileged people, maybe with a large soundproof room and the right amount of talent, could do.
I gave up my pursuit and decided to follow my father's suggestion to take guitar lessons, which would have been more practical and easier to do.
I thought it might be an opportunity to learn how to play the songs I loved most, but after a few months of early excitement, my interest waned because I spent most of my time playing arpeggios and Notes without playing feel it.
After almost two years of teaching I realized something amazingly simple and yet powerful: I was following a path that someone else had chosen for me! How could this lead me to joy and fulfillment?
Immediately afterwards I gave up teaching. Since then I've played sporadically, mostly alone. Thanks to video tutorials and the right effort, I managed to find good technique and play my favorite music. But several times a thought occurred to me.
You are not good at music.
The happy child had been replaced by an insecure teenager who was caught in the painful process of growing up. I was torn down by what the others thought of me.
For several years I was scolded and ridiculed by my peers and schoolmates for no apparent reason – I was just trying to be myself. This caused emotional and psychological pain and made me believe that I was different and not what others expected me to be.
I went through dark times and suppressed my creativity because I thought I couldn't produce anything valuable or valuable. I subconsciously believed that I would never have been as good as anyone else.
With the support of the right people and on a long and painful introspective journey, I finally realized that there were sneaky and dangerous limiting thoughts that led me to suppress myself.
More than ten years later, I had the first impression of what I could have become if I had connected myself to my innermost passions.
After moving to Spain, I met some people who owned a rehearsal room. As soon as I walked into the room, my instincts led me to the drums. Before that night I had only played the drums once, but the idea still fascinated me.
Soon afterwards a thought arose. When I was twelve, I really wanted to be a drummer. What happened to that dream? After spending many years denying my passion, it was time to become the architect of my own life knowing that I was the only one responsible for my happiness.
A few weeks later I was able to find a teacher and start taking lessons. When I first walked into the classroom, I was a little nervous because there was an awkward dialogue going on in my head.
"What if he notices that I have no musical ear?"
“My level of Spanish is not that high. How can I understand him? "
"Will I ever be able to continue my class or will I be kicked out on the first day because I am hopeless?"
As soon as I started playing, my fears simply disappeared. My heart felt light and joyful. When the class was over and the teacher smiled at me, the negative rush of thoughts was replaced by bright and optimistic affirmations.
"I may not have a good musical ear, but I have an amazing sense of rhythm."
“I could understand everything he told me; my spanish is good after all. "
"I'm not that bad and I'm sure the next time will be better."
That happened four years ago. I've never stopped drumming since then. Here are some of the most important lessons I learned during this time.
Talent is not something we are born with.
Or rather, talent is something that very few people are born with.
My shy attempts to learn guitar made me believe that I should give up music because it wasn't my thing.
When I decided to take drum lessons, I thought I could never improve because it was too late. I was told that all good drummers started learning as kids that it takes way too long to get good at drumming to start as an adult.
Time has shown me that my opinion was wrong. I spent the first few months practicing what I could, doing my homework on pillows during my lunch break at the office. A few months later I was rewarded with one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received – a friend of mine asked me to join a band.
As so often in my life, negative self-talk wanted to tell me that I wasn't talented enough to play with other people.
It was time to end this destructive inner dialogue that had torn me down for a long time.
I was mature enough to understand that no one was holding me back but myself: I created boundaries that didn't exist.
I joined the band for about five months and had a great time, mostly because it was the first time in my life that I was playing with other people.
Thanks to this opportunity, the idea of being bad at music was replaced with a real sense of self-confidence.
We do not have to have a certain age for learning. We just have to be in the right mindset. The world is full of vibrant and passionate people who realize that they have a great enthusiasm for something later in life and want to enjoy that passion. They know they would regret it if they didn't, so go ahead and do it.
We tend to believe that someone who is successful is born with a unique talent that we can never develop.
We try to escape introspection, avoid analyzing our resistances and justify our lack of experimentation and passive behavior with the fact that we are not as lucky as the successful people we admire. This may seem like self-defense, but this is actually self-sabotage. We have to be brave enough to understand and overcome what is pulling us down.
My negative self-talk prevented me from trying something new: I am not talented. I'll never learn how to play because I can't make out the notes and sing. I am not creative; I can't make music.
These limiting thoughts, stemming from my previous experience of verbal abuse, had been with me for a very long time and I was almost convinced that they were true. I never considered the possibility that they were just thoughts.
At some point I felt exhausted, my energy was exhausted and I could not move forward.
I started observing my inner dialogue as if I were a viewer and my thoughts were part of a movie, along with sounds and people surrounding me. I imagined them coming and going, like trains in a station. I finally realized that they didn't define me – my thoughts are part of me, that's for sure, but they don't define me. The difference is huge.
Thanks to consistent practice I became aware that my mind was tricking me. I was no less creative than others; I just believed it was true.
To live in the present moment means to really live.
For many years I struggled with fear and over-thinking. My mind kept wandering somewhere between my painful past and a frightening future. Then I developed yoga and mindfulness practices that helped me a lot. For the first time in my life, I was able to connect with my emotions and feel a peaceful relaxation of body and mind.
But when I first experienced a strong sense of aliveness and a deep awareness of the present moment, I realized that I had lived off the autopilot my entire life.
The first time this happened during a jam session with my band. I was sweating, my hands were shaking, and my legs were tired, but my whole body was flooded with endorphins.
I felt fine, my mind was focused and not involved in that frantic monkey dance that kept it busy all the time. My movements were fluid, gentle, and meaningful. And the most surprising of all was that I had no thoughts!
For a moment that could have lasted ten seconds, a minute or even longer, I felt forever. I wasn't aware of the time. I just lived.
Sometimes this wonderful feeling comes in unexpected ways – I never thought that I would achieve this enlightened state in the middle of a jam session with loud noise around me!
This happened because my whole self wanted to be engrossed in the process of doing something that it was really resonating with.
When you feel lost or pointless, take some time to talk to yourself gently. Listen to your soul and explore your most sincere passions and desires so that you can connect with them, start doing what you love, and experience that enlightened sensation.
For me this feeling is one of the things that make life worth living.
Follow your intuition and this will lead you to happiness.
When I stepped into this rehearsal room, sat behind the drums and started playing, I felt like I had played all my life.
For a long time, my wish had scraped behind the surface. When I finally noticed it, I couldn't wait a second longer. I had to give myself permission to be creative.
Making music has strengthened my self-confidence. I stopped comparing myself to others and started getting to know and love myself. We can't express ourselves if we don't know who we are. My increased inspiration led me to write more regularly and with a higher purpose. My light started to shine so bright and to inspire the people around me.
As a drummer, I valued everything that was done with love, passion and effort.
We are all unique, and the way to fully express ourselves is to open our hearts and souls and let creativity flow through our bodies.
It could be through music, poetry, painting … anything. Don't limit your creative process. Expand. Express yourself.
If you've been postponing something for a long time, don't wait any longer. Don't let fear of failure and judgment define you. Negative self-talk is an ego-driven process. Don't trust him. Dig yourself under the surface, listen to your basic instincts, and practice positive thinking.
Be receptive, stay open to new experiences and never say no to the opportunities that may develop your potential as you never know which ones could lead to an important turning point in your life.
Trust your intuition and follow your heart and everything will flow towards your happiness.
About Claudia Pecoraro
Claudia: traveler, blogger, lifelong learner. She devotes her life and efforts to constantly inspiring and motivating others by sharing positive news, inspirational stories, and little wisdom quotes. You can find her on Facebook or on her personal blog, where she combines her passion for writing with the things she loves most: music, working with children, self-growth, spirituality.
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