"It is time you realized that you have something within you that is more powerful and wondrous than the things that affect you and that makes you dance like a puppet." ~ Marcus Aurelius
In 2016 I wanted to graduate from a top university with distinction. I had mastered mandarin. Eleven months before graduation, I had secured a job with a reputable accounting firm. I had a stable relationship with one of the most beautiful girls on campus. It doesn't get any better than that for an international student 1,000 miles from home.
Things slowly began to change. Three months before graduation, all three members of my family became seriously ill. When I wasn't awake and on the phone with them, I was awake and worried about insomnia, anxiety, and stress.
Two months before I graduated, the recruiter who had agreed to hire me did not return my calls or reply to my emails. I started entertaining a lot of self-deprecating thoughts. Little by little I was forgotten.
The big day had finally come. It was my graduation day. I pretended everything was okay, put on a big smile, and went to the ceremony. Needless to say, a fire of frustration and fear raged inside. Soon I wouldn't be able to hide it anymore.
The atmosphere of the auditorium was full of laughter and excitement from relatives, teachers and students. Rightly. That day was the end of countless sleepless nights, embarrassments, tests and reports. For everyone it was like the end of a forty hour marathon in the Himalayas.
Paradoxically, the smiles, chatter and amusement of my classmates and loved ones only added to my suffering. With every minute that passed, I became more and more anxious.
Suddenly I was reminded of all the pain my mother went through to get me where I was. When my father left her because she was unwilling to have an abortion, she took on the task of promoting the pregnancy and raising me.
Without a proper job or stable source of income, she did everything in her power to ensure I had a solid education. I would have given anything so that she could celebrate such a happy moment with me.
Fearing that I might embarrass myself and spoil my classmates' happy moments, I went in the middle of the ceremony and rushed home. I locked myself in my room and cried out my eyes for hours.
I got to the point where I couldn't eat, sleep or enjoy activities. For the first time I experienced what psychologists call "anhedonia". No nice movies, social gatherings, or sports appealed to me. As I isolated myself, I became more and more lonely.
On November 10th, 2016, at 10 pm, the only person who was there during these difficult times decided to end our relationship. Usually that would have just been another breakup. But for me it was a breaking point!
Given the grief and pain I endured at the time, I had no mental steam to cope with another rejection. The pain that was already eating my soul became even more unbearable. That night and the following seventeen days, I could only imagine simply ending everything.
The turning point
Eighteen days later, on November 28, 2016, I decided to open up to a pastor and her wife. For the first time, I counted all of my pain and grief with this couple, who gave me undivided attention for three hours.
That night I went home with a new sense of hope. It felt like a great deal of weight had been taken off my shoulders. For the first time in eighteen days, life seemed to have more potential for joy than ever before.
Back in my room in front of my computer, a video by Nick Vudijic about overcoming hopelessness went through my screen as if by magic.
In the middle of the video, I felt a sense of resentment and shame.
How could someone without a limb have such a positive outlook on life? I understood that happiness and peace of mind must involve more than the challenges of life.
I was determined to find out what to do to overcome life's difficulties without losing my sense of pleasure or hope. In the following months I would find out what it takes to turn disappointment into achievement, despair into inspiration.
Concentration on your blessing
I've heard that counting your blessings is an effective way to deal with life's challenges. It sounded too good to be true to me – and incredibly difficult. How can someone count their blessings when they are obviously completely confused?
Nevertheless, I took a piece of paper and asked myself to write ten things for which I was grateful. Within minutes, I was all busy writing positive aspects of my life that I had previously missed. I might have been concerned, but I wasn't hospitalized, I had a roof over my head, I had friends who looked after me. My mother may have been sick, but she was alive.
I realized that my attitude towards my problems clouded my judgments and prevented me from seeing the beauty of life. I realized that there are always a thousand reasons to be happy no matter what you go through.
I am not saying that it is unnatural to feel down or frustrated, that you should not be sad when you go through trouble. Regardless of how dark a situation is, there is always a silver lining. You just have to look for it.
I don't expect you to agree with me. I am only asking you to test that claim and prove me wrong. You have nothing to lose but a world of peace and relief to win the minute you put pen to paper and count your blessings.
Put your problems in perspective
As I continued to write my blessings first thing in the morning and before retiring at night, the happiness and peace of mind that I experienced became contagious to everyone I came in contact with.
People from all walks of life were drawn to me in a way that I had never dreamed of. They sought my advice on how to deal with their own life challenges.
I gradually realized that some of these people had problems that were much bigger than my problems.
I will never forget how much pain a young student felt when she told me the story of her parents. At twenty-four, she found that her parents had an open marriage and that her mother saw another man next to her father. None of her parents dared to tell her until she found out for herself.
The people in Asia where I live are very conventional and most families would not openly live this type of arrangement because it is perceived by society. The shame and betrayal she felt was so disheartening that it affected her studies, mood, and self-esteem. She was devastated!
As she was telling the story, I became overwhelmed by emotions, lost all professional composure, and began to cry right in front of her. After that incident, I realized that whatever problems you were going through, there are people out there with similarly painful or even greater problems.
I decided to put my own knowledge to the test. In addition to counting my blessings, I began experimenting with two additional ways to put my problems into perspective.
First, when I feel overwhelmed by a problem, I write the problem I am facing in tenth place on a piece of paper. I then strive to find nine worse problems that I might be facing right now.
When I am faced with a problem that feels insoluble, I write my problem in tenth place on a piece of paper and try to find nine others who have much bigger problems.
Viewing my problems in this light gave me an excellent and effective way to build a strong sense of humility. Yes, it is absolutely important to see the light shining through the darkness, but it is equally important to acknowledge that the darkness may not be as dark as you imagine it to be.
When you put your problems into perspective and realize that you are not as unhappy as you think you are due to your distorted thoughts, this is a valuable tool for taking constructive action to solve your problems.
The question of power
As I developed a feeling of gratitude and humility, I realized that I had to do more to get stronger out of these challenges. Counting blessings and perspective problems may be effective on the mental level, but they do not make problems go away.
As I continued my journey to read my problems, reflect, and find remedies, I came across a famous quote from Epicurus: "Skilled pilots win their reputations through storms and storms." influenced me directly and profoundly.
I was convinced that everyone must have a range of skills in order to respond to life's challenges. I asked myself: “What inner strength do I have or do I have to develop to face this problem?”
Often, when things get difficult, we ask ourselves questions of guilt like: "Why me?" "Why is this happening to me?"
Or we simply criticize ourselves by reducing our strengths. "I must be really stupid." "I'm damned." "I will never make it …"
By asking yourself this question of power, you change your perspective and find out what you need to get out of the rut. You don't blame, whine or criticize – you're on your way!
This simple question asked me to understand that I could use my life stories to empower others, either in writing or through my speeches, workshops and seminars.
At the time of this writing, I am proud to have influenced the lives of thousands of young people across Asia. I've seen students, new hires, and even managers develop a positive outlook on life from these stories.
I would not have done any of this if I had asked myself the question of power.
No matter what you are going through, I ask you to ask yourself: What inner strength do I have or do I have to develop in order to face this problem?
Does that mean that I have no problems at the moment? Absolutely not. Similar to the clouds in the sky, problems come and go, but I am no longer tossed around like a piece of wood on a stormy sea.
I have developed the mental maturity that enables me to flex without cracking and adjust my sails to the swirling winds of fear, worry and stress.
Today I live a life full of meaning and boundless joy. I have regained my appetite for life. The most significant of all of my gains is the greatest satisfaction I experience in helping others awaken their innate geniuses. The writing of this article is a direct example of that commitment.
It took me three years to apply these principles before I could see concrete results. Beware of the scheme of getting happy quickly. Everything valuable takes time. Your happiness is no different. A combination of a willing heart, an instinct for action, and patience are all you need to live your life full of happiness and purpose.
When you count your blessings, put your problems in perspective, ask yourself the question of power, and take consistent daily actions to strengthen your spirit, you will achieve results beyond your wildest imagination.
Who knows? Maybe next time we look forward to an article from you!
About Bachir Bastien
Bachir Bastien strives to be the sparkle that ignites the fire of possibility in as many people as possible. Early childhood struggles caused him to use his stories to empower others. He currently lives in Taiwan, where he frequently conducts workshops, seminars, and 121 coaching sessions to help people build resilience, courage, and self-confidence. Visit him on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.
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