“Life will give you the experience that is most helpful for the development of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are about to have. "~ Eckhart Tolle
Have you ever felt general dissatisfaction with the place where you live? Have you ever felt that you can do something better than what you are doing, but you are unsure what or how?
I have. In fact, I still feel this way, even though I'm slowly working to create a more purposeful life for myself. This can feel stressful. Painful. I feel your pain But be aware that your pain is not futile.
If these feelings are known, this piece is for you.
In the course of a few years my naive feeling that I am one of those people who can only sail through relatively easily and who would find my way to a fulfilled life without great effort was destroyed. It has exposed me and made me vulnerable. Feeling weak and pathetic. It brought the realities of life into focus and I had to work hard to find peace with life's long game.
I have worked for several years with a large number of people in an area that I was passionate about. But the job itself became monotonous and stale. I felt stagnant and needed to cultivate my passion elsewhere and use my talents better. I applied for secondary school teacher training and got a place later that year.
I had no illusion that it would be easy, but my naivete made me believe that I would be the exception to the rule and accept anything.
The first faith to break. And break me, it did.
After three months, I felt the reality that I was no longer an outstanding person. I could feel a mountain of expectations that threatened to take over my life and leave me with nothing but work, work, work.
For the first time in my life I couldn't finish. I left the course. And I was looking for the soul for months.
At one point I got a temporary job in a country park, worked outdoors, and engaged with the public to do fun things like immersing in a pond. The summer was wonderful this year and it healed my soul a little.
But that came to an end after a few months and I had to find another job very quickly. I didn't want to be left with nothing again. Partly out of desperation and partly because it matched previous experiences, I took a job at a waste treatment facility.
It was a stark contrast to the landscape park.
It was gray. It was ugly. It smelled. The people weren't rude, but they weren't exactly friendly either. I felt trapped and began to despair of what life was about. Everyday life knocked me down. Was that all there was?
I was on an emotional knife edge most of the time and couldn't see through the fog. I felt like I was being punished for my relatively simple, stress-free life so far.
After all, fulfillment was not my fate. I had failed. At least that's what it felt like. It all started when I was twenty-seven and the worst between twenty-eight and twenty-nine. Hardly the end of my life.
So, if pain is not pointless, what is its purpose? How can there be an opportunity to feel so unhappy?
If I had known from the beginning how to deal with the feelings that have been evoked in me, I would not have felt the pain so strongly. The fact that I had to learn to deal with it was the real purpose of it all.
In retrospect, all of this was necessary because I learned so much during this process (in fact, I always learn).
Although I still don't know exactly where I want to be, I have learned to be more present and more intentional in the everyday process of life. Since I have no final idea, I learned these things. Because I realized I had to learn to appreciate the moment or I would wait for the future all my life.
So if you read this in the midst of a description similar to what I have described, you realize that what you are going through is part of a larger process.
Make the handling of the pain the cause of the pain.
Whatever you are going through, see that this is an opportunity to get to know yourself and improve your coping skills. And remember, this may be the very experience you need to heal, grow, and flourish.
If you are dealing with a breakup, this could be an opportunity to heal your relationship patterns and learn to be alone.
If you've just lost your job, this could be an opportunity to reflect on what you really want and what may make you more fulfilling.
If it all falls apart at once, it could be a challenge to find peace and strength within yourself so that you can better weather storms that are coming your way.
In order to take this kind of perspective we have to accept life in its entirety. We all want to feel “good” in life, but there is an opportunity in every sadness.
If you accept this and discover the opportunity for your challenge, you can improve not only your short term mental health but also your outlook on life as a whole.
And if you accept this change of perspective, it will improve your patience with life. A patience to be able to develop life without having to know exactly how or what or when. Especially when we are young, we are impatient to get to where we should feel or how we want to feel. This makes us feel angry and entitled to get better.
You deserve better, but it won't happen right away.
Be grateful that you are aware of your desire for greater fulfillment. This is the first step. The next is to use it effectively to make it a reality.
But we have to learn to deal with the pain on the way. The opportunity to see in painful experiences starts with the little things.
Take the next daily irritation and turn it upside down – for example on the way to work in a traffic jam. What's the positive side? Can't you find one Keep thinking Maybe it's a chance to exercise patience. Or an opportunity to practice not to sweat the little things.
Our natural tendency is to focus on the negative (failure of evolution). Stay tuned and you will train your mind to focus more on the light than the dark. When we let ourselves be consumed by the negative, we don't see the whole.
You can also improve this strengthened mindset by being thankful for the little things in your life. Ever get frustrated with work at the end of an otherwise beautifully sunny day? Or rushed through your coffee in the morning and thought about the rest of the day? Or have you missed the sounds of nature or the fresh air on your skin because you are in a rush?
Make an effort to notice and appreciate these things. At the end of the day, write them down and you may be amazed at the length of the list of simple joys that marked a day that you found "bad".
Then when everything that you are going through dissolves (and it will happen in time), you will have appreciated the good in the midst of the not-so-good.
We will solve our problems one way or another. We can either solve it and choose misery through pain, or we can solve it and choose positivity through pain. The choice is ours.
About Joe Holmes
Joe lives on the south coast of Britain, searching for meaning among the "meaningless" and sharing his spiritual journey as it unfolds on his blog intentallivingjournal.com. He learns about life by reading, lifting weights, and playing heavy metal guitar. He's not writing from a place where he "made it". He has learned many useful lessons but is still learning and finding things out. So his offer is for people to read his blog and see how it develops.
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