"Self-love, self-esteem, self-worth: there is a reason why they all start with" self ". You cannot find them in anyone else." ~ Unknown
After my divorce, I felt like the most terrible person in the world.
I had no self-esteem, no trust and no belief in myself.
If you are about to get separated or divorced, your self-esteem can also suffer. You may feel worthless. You may feel worthless. You might feel like a failure.
Think about it. The person who loved you, who wanted you, who fell in love with you, now rejects you.
If you've been together for a few years, it's tough to take. If you've been together for a few decades, you may feel absolutely devastated.
They wanted you before and you felt completely. They have now rejected you, so you have to be a terrible person.
I have found that it is not our partners who have destroyed our self-esteem and self-esteem. Mine was pretty low.
If you came from an abusive family or had a painful childhood, your self-esteem was probably already on the ground.
This relationship only brought the topic of self-worth to the surface. You now believe in all the terrible things you told yourself.
Your former partner confirmed the creeping suspicion of all the things you thought about yourself. Your separation from you has confirmed that you are useless, unattractive, faulty and an all-round bad person.
Your former partner has not only disappeared from your life, but now you only have yourself and these terrible feelings for yourself.
You lost your ex and won yourself, except that the person you won is this terrible person who was rejected by the person you loved. It is a sad and destructive cycle. Your inner world burns and your outer world smokes!
I know this all too well because that's how I found myself after my divorce.
All these strong feelings for you will make you stay in bed. They will make you give up the world.
Your partner thinks you are terrible and you too. Why live at all? Suicide never occurred to me, but I sometimes wanted to get out of the world.
If you have a heartache right now, you need to do the following to repair your relationship with yourself and restore your self-esteem so that you can become a more confident and happier version of yourself.
9 steps to rebuild your self-esteem after your breakup
1. Accept where you are.
After my divorce, I found that my self-esteem had suffered a major blow and that I had all these feelings for myself for a very long time.
The first step is self-confidence. Recognize, accept and notice the feelings of low self-esteem in you. No judgment, okay? You don't have to like yourself and don't like the fact that you don't like yourself. Just accept your feelings for yourself for what they are.
2. Start noticing how you talk to yourself about yourself.
Your mind speaks to you constantly and says negative things about you, which promotes your low self-esteem. Your job is to find a strategy to deal with your mind. Use mindfulness, journaling, observation, or even therapy to get an accurate picture of the thoughts you think about yourself. Awareness is the key to turning your thoughts and feelings about yourself.
3. Think of yourself as a child you love.
Imagine that you are a parent speaking to this frightened child who feels terrible. What would this parent say? How would you comfort this tiny person? How would this parent talk to, treat, and help this helpless person who has difficulty loving themselves?
Treat yourself as your own loving parent. Whatever the parents would say to the child, say it to yourself. Whatever the person would do for the child, do it for yourself.
4. Use affirmations, encouragement, and positive self-talk.
You may have never done anything like this in your life, but it's a great way to reprogram your mind.
I practiced this practice almost every other day for a few years, using affirmations that confirmed my worthiness and worth. I wrote things like:
"I am worth it."
"I am enough."
"I am complete."
"I love myself."
"I appreciate myself /"
"I have everything I need in me."
"I love myself, even if nobody else loves me."
These statements may sound strange and unnatural, but I am telling you that they work. People have told you the opposite all your life. Now you have to reprogram your mind and the thoughts you have about yourself.
5. Use the visualization to see what is possible.
Imagine what it would feel like to believe in yourself, accept yourself and have confidence in yourself. How would you act, react and feel if you felt good?
Introduce yourself and see what positive self-esteem looks like. Look for people with healthy self-esteem and use them as an example. Think of people who are close to you and treat you well. How they treat you is how you ultimately want to treat yourself. Close your eyes and feel what a high self-esteem would look like.
6. Start recognizing the inherent qualities that you have in you.
All good things in you that you ignored and ignored take note of them.
When I first tried to build my self-esteem, I woke up and thought about all my good qualities and virtues. I would say things like, "I am grateful that I use my gift of writing to help other people." I am glad that I use my gift of compassion to serve others. "" It is I am glad that as an uncle I can bring happiness to the little people in my life. “I have noted and recognized every positive quality, small and large.
7. Improve your life to change your quality of life.
Like this parent who treats his child well, you will treat yourself well. Whatever that means to you, do that.
For me, this meant getting out of the conflict-ridden legal field to work with the community in an NGO. It meant trips around the world. It meant becoming a coach. It meant getting a lot of sleep. It meant minimizing my life so that I didn't have so much stress. I was always doing things to improve my quality of life because I was with someone I started to fall in love with – me.
8. Leave everything that harms you.
Thoughts, media, friends, family and everything else that was negative, I resigned. If that didn't make me feel good, I wouldn't go anywhere.
I know that it is better to process and process the things that torment us, but when I tried to rebuild my self-esteem none of it mattered. I just wanted to focus on being positive in my life and ruthlessly cutting out anything that was harmful, dangerous, or self-sabotaging. This included relationships, activities, media sources, films, reading material, advertising and everything else that didn't serve me.
9. Feel good.
When the negative chatter, self-sabotaging relationships, and harmful people in your life go out of your way, you have time and space to find out who you are. This is the process of finding yourself and liking that person who is under it all. Meet this person, discover their likes and dislikes and be curious about them, just like you would with someone you are interested in.
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None of these things are unique or just for you to read today and return to the rest of your life.
If you take your relationship with yourself seriously, you must commit to it. You always have to show up for yourself. You have to ritualize and get used to all the practices that I have shared.
I learned how to improve my relationship with myself and it improved every aspect of my life.
Now I am grateful to my ex for helping me put my self-esteem in the spotlight. I have done so much work to heal the self-sabotaging parts of myself.
You too can use the pain of heartache to rebuild your self-esteem after your breakup and become the most complete and happiest version of yourself.
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