"Faith takes the first step even if you don't see the whole staircase." ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
A few months before the pandemic turned life upside down for all of me, I experienced one of those times when I could only sit at home and relax for health reasons.
I recently had another of my operations. I was born with a genetic disorder called vascular malformation, which grew and spread quite quickly on my left cheek and mouth during my childhood. For this reason, I have visited operating theaters all my life.
Almost twelve years ago I had my first successful operation, which was also the hardest time of my life. However, my visits to the hospital do not seem to end because of one or the other complication.
In my early years I had always believed that it was only a question of a few years that I did not have to come to terms with the pain, discomfort and interruptions until my childhood. Life goals, that after my not quite normal one Childhood can finally lead a normal life.
But now it doesn't seem to be the case; My hopes are running low after two decades of trying to maintain them.
It's bad enough to live with the many scars on my body and face for the rest of my life without having to end up in the intensive care unit every now and then.
At the moment I can only imagine how I can not give up because I have always tried so hard to live according to my needs and wishes. After everything I've done and achieved for myself, I can't lose hope, from my low self-esteem as a child to making friends to my college degree.
Now I need reasons to keep the spark alive in me.
It is said that health is prosperity, and without it life seems pointless. I know that there are many others who are struggling with various health problems, which could result in them not being able to function optimally.
Life with a chronic illness is undoubtedly difficult, but it is possible to be happy despite its difficulties.
These are some things that I remember when I feel particularly depressed.
1. You were not a mistake.
It is so tempting to believe that giving birth to a genetic disease implies that you were not meant to live, that you were a mistake in the name of nature.
But in fact, our ancestors survived from the smallest to the greatest danger for almost three million years. They made it through heat, frost, hunger, threats from all kinds of animals, from lions and wolves to mosquitoes and bacteria. from earthquakes and hurricanes to the two world wars. And much of it was long before the advance of technology and science.
But they made it to you.
You are too good to be a coincidence, don't you think?
The human body (and the human mind) is stronger than you might think. We don't even fully understand the complex processes that are going on inside of us, but if it were necessary we could live and survive in every part of the planet, from Antarctica to the Atacama Desert to the Amazon rainforest .
Believe that your body will heal and adapt to the world in the best possible way. It's only about time.
2. Do not compare your life with that of other people.
It can be depressing to watch other people go on with their lives while you may not be able to do the things you want to do.
But it makes no sense to compare yourself with others. There are different people who have had different circumstances than you. Comparing is a total disregard for your situation and your actual person.
This is where it comes in when you love yourself as you are in the present.
You may not feel very productive or of great use to the world, but that's all in your head. You are enough as you are.
And sometimes the way to make sense of the world is to help yourself first. You set an example by enjoying life to the fullest.
Allow yourself to rest when necessary, because that's what you deserve right now.
3. Know that life is a gift and be thankful.
I have found that fiction can provide insights into practically everything under the sun, which is why I enjoy reading. One of the books that really moved me was Paulo Coelho's Veronica Decides to Die, which tells the story of a woman who survives an attempted suicide and ultimately learns that every moment of her existence is a choice between living and dying. I think it perfectly embodies the idea that every day is a gift.
I know it is a clichéd idea to be grateful for what you have, but it makes it no less true.
During the time in the hospital, I couldn't take care of my basic needs, so I started to appreciate the little things I could do and experience. I was grateful to have an egg for breakfast, to walk around alone and to listen to music on my laptop. I have many more reasons to be grateful that I have come home now.
I wholeheartedly believe that the simplest pleasures in life are the greatest, as Henry David Thoreau says: "This man is rich, the pleasures of which are the cheapest."
4. Don't let the disease define who you really are.
I always felt isolated from the others because the scar on my face and the illness were obvious. It's hard to try to be normal when everyone knows at first glance that you're different.
But I never let myself be deterred from how I wanted to live my life because I know that I am so much more than my illness.
You are an individual with a personality, with your own likes and dislikes, your own quirks and interests and opinions about the world.
Back in my childhood I was just an academic achievement, but now I can describe myself as a multilingual learner, enthusiastic book reader and musician.
But it's not just about the things you can do. It's about who you really are.
Sharing our thoughts and feelings shares the most important parts of ourselves, so I will always do my best to express myself authentically.
Do not get stuck in a box, especially not in a box that is labeled as "disabled", "sick" or "sick". Remember that you are so much more than that and can give your life any meaning you want.
Custom artwork by Kelly Benini
About Kathy Wilkinson
Kathy Wilkinson is a reader, writer, musician and multilingual speaker, and is keen to learn to live and enjoy life as best she can. Your email is [email protected].
See typing errors or inaccuracies? Please contact us so we can fix the problem!
