All I ever wanted is for someone to put their hand on my shoulder and say, "Everything will be fine."
I could not tell anyone about my need – my longing – for this simple action or why it was so important to me. I prayed for that. This was something that could not be bought.
In the deepest hours of my life (when I was unemployed for a long time, very overweight and my father was seriously ill in the hospital), I longed for a pat on the shoulder to tell myself that everything was fine. Nobody came.
At a meeting earlier this year, my family members discussed the accomplishments of my brother and sister-in-law. They have done well in their careers. They live in a nice house. The family spoke of my sister and brother-in-law. They are a couple with a talent for making desserts. They also have their own house and a stable marriage.
What about my stories? Nobody came.
As a single man in my late thirties, I didn't do the cut. Without demonstrable, society-driven standards of success (great educational or academic achievement, career advancement, a steady relationship, or the news of an upcoming marriage or an upcoming baby), I was not mentioned.
When I heard what everyone was saying, I longed even more for the words "Everything will be fine." But I haven't heard it even after years of inquiries. What we crave most sometimes does not long for us. Although emotional pain is sometimes a cruel feature of life, it can help build resilience.
It was New Year's Eve, and I was in a room full of people and watched a crowd of people on TV celebrating the New Year in the city, but I couldn't have felt more lonely.
It was not enough just to be present and to be present. In my life it was often brutal, sometimes not to be part of the thread, and it was brutal. Especially since the separation makes it more difficult to believe that everything will really be fine.
But if we don't take the time to celebrate our own strengths and say: "Everything will be fine", we will continue to live as if nothing would ever be.
So what can we do? Here are six suggestions I've implemented to make me feel good and my life. These things won't take much time. Instead, you can use the time it takes to move in a better direction.
Others can judge us, but if we don't see the light within ourselves, how can we expect that from others?
I know it can be difficult to believe in your own goodness. The times when we need to see ourselves in the best light are often the times when it is the most difficult to do.
There are days when getting up is a struggle. There are times when tears fall down my face and I try to get out of the constant struggle with myself and my thoughts. There are days when I can't fall asleep because my mind is just too loud.
Despite what I've written above, with these six things I do every day, I can face the day with calm, strength, and balance, knowing that I can take concrete measures to overcome my thoughts .
1. Contact a friend and family member.
Text or WhatsApp and greet a family member and friend. This takes no more than a few minutes a day. Ask them how they are doing and ask them what's new. Ask them how you can help them.
You are not the only one with painful thoughts racing through your head. If you can listen deeply and fully connect with them during your interaction, who knows? You may be able to express the words you want to hear.
2. Develop an attitude of gratitude.
Every morning I wonder what three things I am thankful for the previous day, which two things (if achieved) make my day great and what I am thankful for this morning. Some people write it down, I tell myself and I think it works just as well. This puts me in a positive mood before I even start the day.
3. Perform three friendly actions.
These can range from very small to very large. When we are obsessed, we think about ourselves all the time and therefore often feel bad. When we are obsessed with kindness, we think of others and feel the joy of making them smile. Helping others helps you yourself, period. It may seem selfish to think so, but if you can help yourself and someone else at the same time, why not?
4. Do what you enjoy for twenty minutes.
People often give up their fitness plan because they play sports that they don't like. And it's a shame, because exercise is not only good for your body, but also for your mental health. Stick to what you like (in my case swimming) and you will find that adopting the practice is more fun – and more sustainable.
5. Read aloud for three minutes.
Find something you enjoy and read it aloud for three minutes (or as long as you can muster). Stand tall and tall and take pride in reading as you may have done as a child. This increases your self-confidence and the development of this habit also helps to achieve a low level of self-discipline. It is an easy thing to do every day and something to feel good about.
6. Read fiction before bed.
This promotes sleep, relieves worries and fears, and allows you to relax so that you are ready to face the next day again. It also helps to turn off your mobile devices and TV an hour before bed.
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If you do all of this every day and feel the benefits, it is easier to say to yourself: "Everything will be fine", no matter what is going on in your life. After a while, I'm sure it will. Try out the ideas that work. ignore those who don't.
All of the above worked for me. I still want to pat on the shoulder and people tell me that everything is fine, but now I know that I can say that and feel better if I can.
About Bhavin
Bhavin works for an investment bank in London in London. He enjoys personal development and wanted to share this story with you. When he helps a person; then it was worth it. Contact him at [email protected] and he will be happy to hear from you.
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