"When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less disturbing and less scary." ~ Fred Rogers
If you are human on Earth right now, you are likely to feel the insecurity and fear of living in a pandemic. It's not something we've seen before in our lives, so every step is a new one, and the end is unknown and nowhere in sight.
Everyone gets along in their own way. Some are just scared and scared. Others insist on staying on the positive side. Still others deny and may feel the emotional impact later or when they hit their area. Or, more often it seems we have a combination of all three at different times on the same day.
Everything is normal.
It became clear to me that there is no right or wrong way to feel emotionally. Everyone does the best they can based on their own coping styles.
As a recovering human lover, I tried to dissuade people from their feelings and make them feel better by taking responsibility for their feelings. Basically, I had to fix it to make me feel better.
This was my stress reaction. I picked up the emotional energy in a room and tried to stabilize it. I am so glad that I recognized this from myself, or I am not sure how I would survive this time.
I realized the damage this was doing to me and my relationships. When I was angry, I went on eggshells to prevent people from getting angry. When I took on someone's fear, I had to do everything I could to help them relax.
People have the right to be angry.
Everyone has the right to feel anxious.
It is not my job to judge how someone responds to life. It belongs to you.
It is my job to be a compassionate witness to your suffering and my own suffering.
This is a difficult lesson that has almost cost me my health and my life. But during this time of the corona virus, I am so grateful that I learned it when I cracked the empathy code.
If you find that you are taking over other people's emotional energy to exhaustion, exhaustion, and possibly chronic health problems, read on.
Life as an empath can sometimes feel like being thrown around in a tiny boat in an open ocean without solid ground. It's a terrible feeling. So we fight, we fight, we gasp and occasionally come up high enough to breathe to see the sunset on the horizon.
This is how it can be to live as an empath. Only the waves are waves of emotions, sometimes ours, sometimes others. It is unpredictable when the hurricane will come, so we stick to the oars most of the time … just in case.
We wonder how other people seem to live easier, ride the waves more gently, and leave storms behind when they head for calmer waters. Until we find out that we have to see and feel things differently and more precisely and have to learn the skills to row efficiently, with the wind and in the preferred direction.
Then life becomes smooth. We can feel the wind in our hair, smell the ocean and taste the sea salt on our lips.
Life as an empath can be hell. Or it can be a deeply sensory experience.
Before I cracked the code, I was in a lifeboat without a life jacket. I quickly went down.
Until one day I came across a test: "Are you an empath?" Out of curiosity, I took it and got 100%. I found another test. Yup. 100 percent emotional empathy.
I had never stopped learning what the term “empathy” meant, even though I had been working in the field of counseling for over two decades.
Now I knew why I was using rethinking to protect myself. Why I chose to be alone most of the time . Why I found some people overwhelming and absorbed everyone else's emotions. Why I felt responsible for everyone and fell headfirst into people-friendly just so I could feel better. Why I suffered with so much fear and concern for others.
I felt like I had cracked the code into my life.
Now I could get in, understand why I was the way I was, and set myself clear limits.
I didn't need new tools. I didn't have to change. I wasn't a problem fix. I was human to hold and I had to carefully guard who I was.
At a time when the world can be overwhelming and take too much time, take some time to understand yourself and your nervous system's response to stress.
Notice if you feel anxious … where do you feel it in your body?
Notice where you are, who you are with and what you are doing.
Breathe in the confined spaces and imagine how you exhale your compassion into the world.
If someone you are with is scared, can you stay present and breathe? If not, take a break and find compassion for yourself.
Pay attention to what you consume – news, stressful or needy people, violence in movies or on TV; lose weight and take many nature breaks.
If you learn to protect your own health and wellbeing above all, give yourself a soft place to live in a potentially harsh world. And you give others the same gift of a soft place of your compassion.
About Madeleine Eames
Madeleine Eames is a psychotherapist, mindfulness teacher and creator of the Empath Sanctuary. Your mission is to help people go deeply beyond burnout and use the power of empathy for success. You can find them on mindfullivingnow.com or on Facebook at Wise Women Empaths Wake Up.
See typing errors or inaccuracies? Please contact us so we can fix the problem!
