I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for about 4 years, and what was a roller coaster ride shows a little light tunnel at the end of the year. Hopefully my revelation can also shed some light on your tunnel!
After a bout of denial and a relentless search for something or someone else to blame for why I was so sick all the time, my subconscious showed me towards my mental health. I had reached the break point and finally I admitted to those around me, including myself, that I was wrong.
But it's okay not to be okay! It didn't feel good at the time, it felt like I was weak and defeated, but the only way to tackle a problem is to understand what the problem is.
It's like in the math class when you fell asleep and the teacher asked you to answer the question you didn't hear … if you weren't a mind reader, you had no chance!
Compare that to your mental health. If you don't pay attention to what your mind and body are trying to tell you, it will be extremely difficult to find the answer.
After admitting that I was wrong, I was like you now … I referred to the internet to look for the "cure" that would fix me and go back to "normal" would do. I just wish someone had told me earlier, it doesn't exist! There is no quick fix or fancy device that you can buy from Amazon that prevents you from having anxious thoughts (trust me … I checked!).
The way to deal with fear and take control of your anxious thoughts is different for everyone, but there are many steps that may work for some and not for others.
My experience started when a friend turned to me and told me that it wasn't me alone and there were others who were going through exactly the same thing as me. He wanted to share his experiences and give me some advice that would help him on his journey.
After losing interest in his hobbies and health due to fear, he found himself in an increasingly familiar dark place. Most days have been a struggle to find motivation to get out of bed, let alone take care of yourself, but one day he found the strength to care about his past hobbies bike … unless it was literally riding a bike !
Cycling has always been a passion of his and he was rejuvenated by pushing himself to get back on his bike. He urged me to come to him one day and claimed that it was the kick-start that I needed to clear my head and escape the seemingly constant anxious thoughts that bubbled in my head.
So I did it I thought to myself: "This is the remedy!" I bought a bike, a helmet and eye-catching bike gear in a cloud of excitement and went cycling with my friend.
I don't know which was more difficult … to run the next day or to do that. I was still troubled by anxious thoughts.
I was so sure that this was the answer, it worked for my friend, so it had to work for me, right ?!
It I was so upset and lost all hope of a fearless life that I now know was a completely irrational response. It was my first try and I was just unhappy that it didn't work for me.
I realized that cycling worked for him because it was one of his earlier passions, not mine. So I took some time to think back to my early teenage years before anxiety and depressive seizures appeared every day, and remembered that I was quite passionate about running.
After some self-motivation, one day I convinced myself to go for a run and my only regret is that I didn't do it earlier. Granted, I wasn't as fit as I used to be, but for a short time my mind was clear. I wasn't worried about work, relationships, the future, or what people thought about me.
I have been running regularly since then and it has brought a number of advantages. I feel healthier, my fitness increases and, above all, I have found something that I enjoy and that enables me to free myself from the usual intrusive thoughts.
If I take the time to clear my head, I have had a noticeable impact on my mental health and my daily mood.
Don't get me wrong, there are still many bad days and the underlying cause is still there, as I said, there is no quick fix. But I have proven to myself that I can still enjoy life, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel better about myself and my situation and this has allowed me to continue taking steps to take control of my fear, steps I previously could not do voluntarily.
My advice is not that you buy a new undercarriage every day and do 5km as I imagined it will probably put some of you off … because it disgusted me! My advice, and I strongly recommend that you do this is that you spend some time looking back at your previous years and checking to see if there were hobbies that you enjoyed. Whether it's a sport, a musical instrument or collecting stamps! The goal is to find a pastime that you can enjoy without the known doubts and fears that make life unbearable with fear.
Some things to consider during your trip are:
You cannot enjoy the same things you did when you were younger. People change and your idea of fun may have changed over the years. If you don't enjoy something right away, stay tuned, it may take a while to grow on you. What works for others may not work for you. You are your own person and have your own individual characteristics. It doesn't make you worse, it just makes you different. Enjoy yourself. Taking control of fear is an ongoing struggle and can be daunting. So take your time to just have fun.
After 4 years of internal torture, I found the light at the end of the tunnel and nothing prevents you from finding the light.
Just stay tuned, hug the little things and you will see that you can take control of how you feel again.
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